Always Look Forward, Not Backwards In Life

2006-12-23T23:08:00.000-08:00

Just finished bathing, after arriving home from a long trip outside today, around the other parts of Singapore.

I went out with Jolene today. Well, she wants to hunt for some stuff that she really wants, namely a Final Fantasy VII bracelet as well as its wallet. We saw these items online on Ebay, yet the seller refused to do a face to face trade.
Oh well, the only choice we have left is comic connection.

For preparation, i printed out all the various branches of CC in Singapore and took a Street Directory with me.
And today, me and Jolene went for an item hunt. Haha...and of course, those items will be her Christmas present from me.

We first stopped at Tiong Bahru plaza, where we looked for our first CC store.
We found no FFVII bracelet, but we manage to find its wallet.
However, Jolene preferred the design to be of Cloud's wolf crest. The design on the wallet in that CC branch is of Vincent Valentine's.
However, she fancied some anime and game posters, so she bought a few, for her friends.
Next was Jurong east.

The CC at Jurong east was a waste of time. No bracelet and no wallet and it took us forever to locate that small shop in that mall. Next up was Bukit Batok.
There at long lst we found the first of the item on her wishlist. A bracelet with Cloud's crest on it.
Lol...she immediately put it on after purchase.
We went to Marsiling next..but not looking for a CC store but rather a shop that sells games and accesories.
A big disappointment though...because when we arrived, that shop was closed down and they are renting it out already.

Finally, we arrived at woodlands. This was the last CC store we explored today, because obviously it was here we found the wallet of her preference...Hiding all the way at the back of other wallets.
Jolene also immediately transfered all her cards and money into her newly bought present.
We intended to go Tampines for dinner after that, but as we reached Tanah Merah, we felt it was a little too late, and thus, we headed back to Bedok and finally to home.

Not forgetting to mentioned that along the way, we crapped like mad.
Mostly lame stuff, but we laughed anyway.
The funny part was the both of us were like idiots, carrying a big street directory walking around looking for where to go...just like some tourists.
Yet whatever it was, we both had much fun.
She gotten her much sought after items as presents from me, and i have also gotten a much sought after present from her. As for what present it is, i think i'll not say it. Jolene, it's between you and me ok?

Everyone will be busy after this meeting today.
I wonder when will be the next time the 4 Bedok Weirdos will get to gather again...but i hope when we ever have the chance, we will all treasure it.

Today's a great day. A very great day.

2006-12-08T21:10:00.000-08:00

Currently, A levels is over and i am already in the Aftermath of the A levels Aftermath.

Class chalet ended a few weeks ago. I hope it has been fun for everyone who attended it.
For me, i fell sick on the very first day of the chalet already, and it gotten more and more serious through the day, thus i left in the afternoon of the second day.
It was really a comfortable stay, but it wasn't as fun as compared to last year's.
Perhaps it is due to everyone knowing each other even better after another year of interaction.

Mainly i stay at home and play Xbox and Maple..lolx...i am currently aiming for level 100, as i mentioned in my previous post before.
I don't think i'll be able to play valkyrie profile 2 and FFXII cause i do not own a PS2. Such great series...
Well, Xbox aint that bad either...

Nothing interesting happened in my life after A levels until recently.

Badminton. Weemiang booked a court and asked the usual people to thrash it out. Everyone performed better than the very day after A levels..which was a pretty good thing. Still, it was very very tiring, as we all played for 4 hours.
Something i never really tried before.
Right now i am sitting here blogging, but i still remember all those whom are heading into NS today.
People like Vincent and Junyang namely, have went in today.
How lucky..i wished i could go in soon too...I really wish i could.
Good Luck To All The Boys Going To NS Today!!!

2 days ago was the beginning of my part-time job in St Anthony Canossian secondary school, as a book packer. My job was mainly to pack books for the secondary 1. Kimboon accompanied me for these few days(and will continue to for next week).
There, we made 2 new friends whom are students of that school.
They are Jolene and Sandra. Interesting thing is, Though Jolene is only 2 year older than Sandra, She is Sandra's Aunt...Something which shocked me and Kimboon when we knew it.
Guess what? Sandra's a school badminton player...looks like here comes a new challenger.

Working with the 3 of them has been fun. Well, mainly what's going on is while we do our job, me and Kimboon will try to be an ass to each other.
Jolene and Sandra's are "laughing bystanders". Yet it is this bickering and crapping that makes our job less stressful and makes me look forward to working there again.
Today was payday. $110 in total...kinda put a smile on my face lolx.
Not much as compared to my very first job, but the experience was valuable.
And i appreciate the fact i made 2 new friends.

Just like in maple, i met Ruiquan and company. i told my bro about them, and he nicknamed Ruiquan and company as "bootes angels".
I can't be more fortunate to have met all these people in game..always helping me out and stuffs. What more can i ask for?

Anyways, if any of you old friends are bored, do ask me out for coffee or something. I will be there most probably.
Take care guys.

2006-10-18T15:21:00.000-07:00

Change?

Is it "change" that makes us perceive those around us to be behaving differently than they usually were?
Or is it just a lack of understanding of those around us, that when we start to know them better, we say that they have changed...yet they never did...it is our understanding of them that has changed.

I wonder how my good friend Kimboon feels.
Recently he told me in MSN that his Ex-girlfriend(apparently in the same school as us) has recently been attached to another guy.
One thing i must say: Time passes by too freaking-damn-bloody quickly.
I wonder when was it they broke up..but i know it was this year. Most probably before the June holidays.
Though Kimboon hasn't really gotten over her, it seems She has gotten over Kimboon. Everyone one of us wants Kimboon to get over her soon...but well, it really is easier said than done.
He hates her pretty much now...but i really wonder what he truly feels.
I dunno if i should, but i feel kinda sorry for him. I'm not blaming the girl though...

Kimboon said she's changed...or at least his friend said she changed.
Yet...is it really her changing? or has she been like this all along, and Kimboon did not realise this character about his Ex which made him think she changed?
Maybe only Kimboon's perception changed, not his Ex.
Well who knows...who knows if the one who changed is Kim himself?

Whoever or whatever changed...the present cannot be. What has happened has already happened..and i wish Kimboon all the best and hope he'll be able to pull himself together as soon as it gets.
I wonder if Kimboon will read this...well he doesn't know my blog add, but i'll say this anyway..
That is...Anything can changed...but the old Kimboon that we all know must remain as he is. The robust, crap-talking-big-joker and happy-go-lucky Kimboon.

I hope everyone is doing fine. I always do. So i want everyone i know who stumble across my blog to leave a tag at my board and update me about how you are, whether you are fine or not.
I'll be sure to catch up with you guys after my major exams, just a matter of whether you guys will have time for me by that time!

To end off, i'll like to quote this phrase from a game NPC called the Vortigaunts from my half life series. This quote goes out to all my friends, especially those whom we have not seen physically for ages due to our busy lives.
Namely :Cheeleong, Von, Xuefen, Yaoguang, Averal and some good old secondary school classmates(Liqi, Mingxiao, Steven, Suwei and the good bunch of us).

"There Is No Distance Between Us. No False Veil Of Time Or Space May Intervene."- Vortigaunt

2006-10-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

Got so many things i wanna do after A'lvls...

-Go Sentosa with the class again and build a Majestic sandcastle
-Another CLASS CHALET!!! (pray hard)
-Work for my bro, 4hrs 50 bucks!
-Go have a good catching-up meal with old friends
-Go have a good meal with Cheeleong
-Go have a good meal with my Mei
-Aiya Go have a meal with ALL la!
-Go party with Averal!
-Chiong to level 100 and beyond in maple!!
-Play Devil May Cry 3
-Play Devil May Cry 4!
-Play Final Fantasy XII!!
-Play Final Fantasy XIII!!!
-Chiong Half Life Series and good Valve Games!
-Invest in a good badminton racket
-Chiong badminton with all!
-Go Kelong if possible with family

Okay~
Bye all.

2006-10-03T17:48:00.000-07:00

Time...Is it really time that everyone desires?

Some asks for more time.
Some ask for less time.
Some wants time to pass by slowly.
Some wants time to pass quickly.

Yet more than often, time waits for no one.

Ok enough nonsense.

Whole lots of stuffs happened recently.
Examination are spoilers...so i wont bother talking about it. Hmm...maybe things at personal level are more interesting.

Oh yes and before anything, i wish to let all those who tag my board know that whatever questions you may have, be it regarding me or my friends, please do not be afraid to leave your name behind. Or at the least, some initials will do.
That's cause when i reply, i don't have to type out the complicated name you give.
For example, look at the "????" person there in my tag board. Seems easy to type but i would prefer initials.

Alevels are just 30 odd days away. Full stop.
Crap....didn't i say i wont talk about exams?

Over the span of time since my last post, i had attended pretty much of badminton games. All with my JC friends.
They were all very good, though sometimes i do realise i have a bit of problems communicating with them in game, causing them to look "unpro" to me.
All i can say is that most of the time, they really help me stretch me to my physical limits and beyond. Really love a bunch of friends who likes to play badminton.
Sadly, they all play basketball, which i don't. And QUIT asking me to try out the game cause i have my own reasons for not trying. Have i mentioned that i got a little phobia for Fast-Moving-Sports-Balls other than Lizards? They get me all panicked.
At least a shuttlecock isn't so bad, especially when you know how to prevent yourself getting hit in the head by it.
The usual guys playing badminton with me are always WeeMiang, Kimboon, Vincent and occasionally Charlene, our chicken little.
WeeMiang's the best among us all. Just that he has a bit of problems adjusting to his surroundings sometimes, which affects players in quite a way. For example, he was quite uncomfortable with bright lightings at Marine Parade CC, but he still performed well.
Kimboon? He's like a wave...having high and low points. But when he's high, i really mean HIGH.

After A'levels, i m intending to invest in a good racket with a budget of about 200 bucks. Bro's willing to help me pay portion of it. Like he told me when i told him about my investment: "Lose people nevermind, but at least don't lose the outlook(Su Lang Mai Su Seh)."
WEEMIANG...after A's i challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown-Badminton Style.

Recently went around looking at other people's blog. Was kinda amused by the writing style of some bloggers. They are really humourous and creative. They must be those who pass GP all the time or what.
Haha oh well, though i wish i could blog the style they do, i guess i'll still remain this way. That's my style, and i won't change it. Imagine i start acting cute and all? I'll freak every good friend of mine out, eh Cheeleong?

I skipped school today. Lessons recently aint very productive. Especially when after school you go home feeling tired and all and the next thing you do is sleep and then after the nap you end up losing all the mood to study and the story goes on and on and on....
So i stayed at home today. And i managed to do much more than if i went to school.

My dog Milo aint feeling well i guess. He vomitted yellow substances. Better inform my family not to feed him anymore rubbish for the time being.
Dogs are interesting...not the vomit part, but their desire of wanting to be carried to the window to see whats going on outside.
Just a while ago he bugged me to do something. He conveyed the message by scratching me then quickly running away, and as i followed, he would slowly run to where he wants me to be. There at the window, he stood up wanting me to carry him.
And so i did, carefully holding him up in my arms and making sure i held on to him tightly so he would be safe from the window. There he looked at the scenery outside the window and looked at cars drive by, birds flying round and things like that, just like some people do.

So many things that i hope to do after A's.
Well, nows definitely not the time to be talking about what to do.
Ironically, deep down in my mind i am starting to plan the activities.

Take care, and good luck everyone.

2006-09-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

Whew...
2 hours of badminton session today. 2 short hours.
Yet it was more than enough to push me to my limits. I have never pushed myself to such an extent before.
I was extremely fatigue after some matches with kimboon and melvin.
After a singles with Kimboon, Melvin challenged me straight without giving me a rest.
Oh well, it was great anyway. Good training for my endurance.

Melvin wasn't on form today. Kept missing or smashed straight at the net.
Most of the time he performs much better. Wonder what caused his performance today to be below expectations.
Kimboon slacked the first hour of the badminton away. Later on he was very enthusiastic. Siao kia...

Well, the best match played today was the doubles.
I teamed with Melvin, and Kimboon teamed with a half crippled Malay guy who patronizes Tampines Sports Hall all the time. That guy's great...
Well, we lost the first set to Kimboon and the Malay. I would say the fault largely lies on me. I failed to capture the tactic Kimboon and his partner employed. I was pretty tired, so all i can think of is "whack la...".
Melvin made some mistakes in his strokes too, but i depended a lot on his seriously.
We won the second round though, but it was a very close match. They could have won.

After that, i went Tampines library with Kimboon. He went there to return a book, then we went home. On the way, we talked about lots of things. He was doing the talking mostly.

Lets just say, all the things i said above is not the gist of this entry.
The gist is the conversation between me and my old friend Linda, on MSN.
I hope she won't blame me for mentioning about our conversation.
It's about...well, love.

It has been a while since i saw her online. She has been pretty busy with studies and work. I'm glad she finally found somewhere to study. Something to occupy her life. It's great.
Haha, she asked about my life and i told her that it is pretty great now, I'm happy and my life's moving on. And i also told her, just to kid around, that I still have no girlfriend.
I asked about her...
"Hey, are you attached then?"
Linda replied,
"Yes, i am, but i am also available"
I felt strange for a moment...attached means not available what...So I asked her the contradiction....
"I am enlightened...love...there is no such thing my friend"
I was surprised she was enlightened in such a way.
"If love doesnt exist in your point of view, then what do you think is keeping lovers and families together?"
She replied, "Love as in other than family and friends."
I did not debate on with her. Somehow, i know that everyone has a reason to believe in what they choose to believe. Though i feel different from her..though i feel that love exist everywhere, be it families or couples or friends, i still felt that what she believed is worth pondering over. Perhaps someday, i will come to realise why she believed that love doesnt exist.

Everyone may wonder now..if she believe that love doesnt exist, then how is she attached?
Linda's answer was that what is existing between her and her boyfriend is mutual companionship. She said she would most probably never truly love another man again.
I can understand why she said that...she has been through a lot.
"i came to learn that only family is worth loving".
Now that, i agree, to a large extent.

To end off...3 important things i learnt today.
1) Everyone has their own beliefs and perspective. Instead of debating and trying to force our own beliefs on others wanting them to change their thinking, we should put ourselves in their shoes. There is a reason for everything. What is done now will have its consequences later. Karma indeed.
2) It really helps to chat with your friends occasionally. To me, i feel that everytime i chat with my friends, i learn something new. Even if i don't, i'll at least understand my own friends better. Isn't really bad eh? But chat at the right time i mean...
3) Sine and Cosine are complementary angles. Full stop. Caused me a headache while studying cause i forgotten this fact.

TaKe cArE!

2006-09-01T23:54:00.000-07:00

First up, happy teachers day to all teachers.

Yesterday was teachers day celebrations. I believe most or all schools in Singapore are clebrating this event. I went to school to shake hands with some of my teachers.
Well, i shook hands even with those teachers who don't know me. They don't teach me anything, but i just shook hands with them anyway, because they were just standing beside the teacher whom i intended to approach. I mean...it's kinda bad if you shake hands and wish your own tutors a happy teachers day and you ignore those beside them who doesnt teach you at all..they are teachers too. Haha, some of them had a pretty surprised look on their faces for what i did, but i m glad they are happy.

I didn't stay in college for long. Partly because of the bad performance by the students. Not the performing people i mean. I m referring to the Emcees who totally suck and can't be Emcees at all. Lame, Boring, Talks irrelevant crap, Ask for applause...what else?

I left for my secondary school thereafter.
There, i met my former form teacher Mrs Ng, and we talked for a bit. I met some of my old classmates: Suwei, Steven, Yuan Fu and Ming Xiao, together with my ex-geography teacher, Ms Koh.
Damai was supposed to have cross country together with teachers day, but yesterday was a rainy day, and there isn't any wet weather plan at all, causing the whole school to end early. Now wonder Ms Koh seemed a little upset when we mentioned about who the organising committee is(i mean she's not in the committee, just upset with those in the committee, probably the councillors).

Me and the boys went to the staff room and to my surprise, Edwin Cho was there. For some reasons he was back in school...maybe to help out in photo taking. We took some pictures together and reminded him to send me the pictures. Grrr...he haven't done that now..
Anyway, we were allowed into the staff room and we met some girls whom were our ex-classmates: Suting, Suyee, XuanQi and Catherine. Liqi came later to join us. We harassed all the teachers whom we once knew, but just couldn's find Mrs Oon, our ex-Amaths teacher.

We were lucky. We ran into Mrs Oon when she came out of the meeting room. There she repeatedly told us to buck up and work hard. The moment she saw our old friend Johnathan Lim, she immediately said "Hey you never comb you hair ah?".Lolx..
Wa lao, people come and see her yet the first thing she said to people his hair so messy. But that's Mrs Oon...always very direct and straight to the point.

The guys and the girls...the bunch of us, were all quite free. So we went to TM to eat lunch and chat. We wanted to watch a movie, but the showtimes are really not convenient for us.
Eventually, we ended up in food junction, terrorising one long table for the whole bunch of us. There, we caught up with old times and talked about everything that happened in our lives and in school. We even shared our lame jokes all over.
Time passed quickly without us realising. We chatted there from 2+ pm all the way to 5+ pm. Three hours of chat and nonsense. But what mattered to us most importantly is that we are able to meet up once again and maintain contact.
I really found them important now. As i wanted to continue to maintain contact with them, i offered them to work for my brother after my A level's as part timers. They were all very enthusiastic about it. We exchanged numbers and email addresses to keep in touch.

Soon after, more and more of the group had to leave. The remaining ones went to Simei for a bubble tea drink, and went to the Lan shop to play DOTA. Me and the 2 girls didn't participate though.
The 3 of us left earlier, leaving the remaining DOTA-ing guys behind to rematch. Catherine parted soon as well.
Remaining ones were just Me and Liqi. There we chatted and asked about each others lives. The first natural thing that we were pretty Kay-Po about was whether we have any steads or someone we fancy currently.
Well, i won't go into detail about what we all said, cause she wanted me to keep it a secret. I am glad she trusted me..it just feels good to be trusted by your friends.
While we both talked, many trains passed by here and there, but we just decided to miss them to chat more. After about 4 or 5 trains, we finally decided to board the trains(she boarded a different train).

All i can conclude from yesterday is that Time passes by really too quickly.
And most of all, i have missed my old friends without knowing.

"Liking someone but don't possess courage to confess is one thing. Possessing courage to confess but couldn't bear to like someone is another thing."

2006-08-21T16:24:00.000-07:00

At long last...the feeling...the instinct...to throw my favourite lucky charm away...came last night...
Those who know me long enough, should know about the little metal charm that i attached to the left strap of my bag, right where the shoulder is.

"Veo", was what i called this precious item i bought almost 5 years ago. That time, i happened to pass by it along with a friend. I was so captivated by the design and decided to buy it. Originally, it was a necklace, but i never wore it.
I don't know why i bought it..but i did anyway and kept it and brought it with me everywhere i go.

I only began attaching it to my bag the beginning of last year.

Last night...i finally let go of it...and threw it away. The more i looked at it..the more i had the feeling that it is wanting me to free it. It seems i have tied it too long with me and it needs to return to where it should originally belong..Nature.
Much to my reluctance, i threw it away.
I did not regret.

2 days ago on Saturday, me and some friends went to Geylang for durians.
Before the durian feast, the rest of the group ate prawn mee for dinner. There, we chatted about animals...cats and dogs...before another friend joined us.
Finally, the durian feast. I LOVE durians...and i m quite sure i ate the most that day. D24 is the best....
I also treated them to coconut juices to "Cool" the heatiness.
I was SO happy...SO happy to be able to eat durians...

Right after that, we all decided to take a look at what we call "Chicken" in chinese. I have never seen them with my own eyes, and our Big Brother of the group took us for a tour around the area.
Haha...i look like a kid..an ugly brat..that's why none came up to me. But as for our big brother, he was approached twice by 2 different prostitutes.
We chanced upon a sex toy shop. From far, i thought the shop was selling Buddha statues and ornaments..till our friends told us it was a sex toy shop.
We were all old enough to go in. All i can say that the trip into the shop was pretty "educational".

Suddenly, some thoughts struck me..
I kinda sympathized for the women who had to take up such careers in order to earn a living.
Yet, if they knew that someone sympathized with them, they will be more than furious. They are defnitely not afraid of how the world view them. That's something i think is admirable, despite their profession.

Morning was great, till i realised that my headphones broke down. The left phone produced no sound at all.
Well, i guess all headphones are like this after being used for a long time...or is it just me?
Anyway, i bought a new one today right after school. I can't start my morning if i don't listen to music on my way to school.

Guess what i saw in Bedok interchange?
Month's ago, there was a pirated CD shop at the interchange, near Shop N Save. However, i think it have been closed down. Police intervention i believe.
Just now when i was on my way to check out the shops, i came across not one, but TWO pirated CD shops, separated by only 1 or 2 shops between them.
Seriously, i was pretty tempted to go in and take a peek, till i remembered what Von told me last night on an MSN chat...then i decided not to go in there anymore.
Good thing...or else i wouldn't be blogging right now.

The same bloody idiot in kimboon's blog is doing the same thing again.
This time, revealing to all of us his disability in using a dictionary properly.
I wonder what more stupidity is he going to reveal about himself.

Got to go. Will update more.

"I gossip, but very minimal. But Sowing Discord...nope...i'll never do it. I believe in retribution. I don't want to take away the friends of other people...and have my own friends taken away as punishment."

2006-08-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

It's pretty cold..
Just turned on the air con, getting ready to study a bit before taking a short nap.

Well...i seriously got a little distracted.
Cause i went to check out the blogs of my classmates. Well, it kinda made me learnt a bit more about my friends..especially how well they express their feelings.

Somehow, some idiot messed up kim's tagboard with nonsensical comments, critisizing him for all that he has written in his blog.
His life's kinda messed up, but at least he is beginning to pick himself up. Time does heal all wounds.
Anyway, back to the idiotic tagger in his blog. That guy has been insulting him and his life without even stating why he thinks so..he just ranted like nobody's business...how unconstructive.

Milo's staring at me right now...he seems curious about me typing stuffs on my keyboard. Or rather he is more interested with the fruit i have on my table. Glutton...he doesn't have the meaning of "Full" in his dictionary..or if he had a dictionary even...

Life's moving on pretty ok for me. Probably because i m more conscious about something called karma...I no longer hate as much(not saying i don't hate at all..).
Just a few days ago, my Ex-C.O. Mr Edwin Cho(thereby refered to as Edwin) came to SR to help out with NAPFA. I was so glad to be able to see him!
I lost contact with him...not realising that he didnt change his HP number(stupid me).
Anyway, i chatted with him a lot and again, he taught me a lot about what to expect in life. I felt much happier talking to him...because just like averal, he understands me pretty well.
Well apparently Mr Alan Tan was once his PE teacher and Mr Bernard Tan is once his classmate. Probably it was relations that he came to SR to help out.
At least now i know he is doing well, and i feel happy for him.

Just a few days ago on monday, in the early morning at 3am, i suddenly woke up..no reason why apparently. Yet, i woke up only to see my brother suffering from a Fits-like epilepsy..some brain disorders and seizures.
It was pretty serious, cause he actually bit his tongue, I called for the ambulance and he was sent to the hospital for checkup.
Results was that he was completely normal, just epilepsy caused by lack of sleep as well as too much stress. Bro also had no recollection of his seizure.
Now, he is already back home, but under medication to control epilepsy.

I guess life is really more than just it seems...i should heed Edwin's advice and try to unclench my fist a bit...to take life not too seriously, but learn to enjoy what has happened in your life. Cause someday when we are much older, we will look back and laugh at this moment..realising how silly we are for being so uptight about everything around us.

To tagboard mysterio ZZZZZZ, i would love to know who you are..And yes you are right about how my blog would feel. Maybe that's why i decided to blog today. I appreciate your comments, cause at least they were helpful.
Oh, another thing about the Id and Superego thingy...like i have said it is a THEORY...a THEORY is PROVEN...that's why i believe in it. Yes, wikipedia has loads of info on it, check it out someday ya?

For some of you wondering who was the girl i was scolding in the entry on Feb 06 and Feb 28(scroll down and see what i mean)...here's a little bit for her.
My sincere apologies to you Elizabeth. At that time, i didn't know what you did was for my own good. You had kind intentions. I m sorry to have scolded you a bitch and said you are a nobody in my life.
I don't need you to forgive me..I know i don't deserve it, especially only realising my mistake weeks ago.
And to all my female friends out there who probably thought i was scolding you or something, please don't think that way any longer, cause it was Eliz i was referring to, not any of you. Chill off eh?

Well, time to go.
No one's reading my blog anymore..but oh well...let's just say i m blogging for myself all right? SAY!

The Earth Revolves. The Time Goes On. My Life Moves On.

2006-07-26T02:39:00.000-07:00

some crap

2006-03-29T21:31:00.000-08:00

Laugh out louds...
Sometimes, i just don't know many good friends i have out there.
All willing to stand up for me, despite not being in contact with them for such a long time already
---------->Tagboard joker "BlaBla" pulling out the best effort yet got mocked back by me and my good friends.

Somehow, i really should thank this joker for allowing me to truly realise that i actually have friends whom has never(or hasn't) forgotten me and still so willing to help me when i am in need of some.

Don't get cocky though, i am not making any peace.
You wanna play? Haha...lets play. It's many on one...how interesting to see pathetic people pulling out their funny stunts to let people know how pitiful they are..

A pot calling a Kettle black.

2006-03-15T12:51:00.000-08:00

Currently in the one week of holidays...
Haven being blogging for a while now. I guess i have disappeared long enough such that all my good old friends out there who used to read my blog no longer come.
Still, i still get a few tags on my tagboard from Von, who seems to be getting on well with her own life.

I'll start with my really old friend Cheeleong.

Though we may have been in contact, we haven done much catching up ever since the day i decided upon declining the brotherhood.
For some reasons, Cheeleong, Karkoon(my ex-ncc comrade) and Ziyang(friend in sec sch) became really close i guess.
According to Cheeleong, they were like brothers. Another brotherhood.

Recently, or should i say just about a few days ago, Cheeleong had some conflicts with his brothers and the anger in him made him decide to break the friendship.
I read up on his bloggy about what happened and realised that somehow it wasn't as serious as i thought, even though if it really happened i will feel pissed off too.

haha...he mentioned that we all know his temper as well as his character...but we also know, after befriending him for so long, that he won't be Cheeleong if he doesn't forgive someone.
Remember last time i "pump" you in NCC for scolding vulgarities in front of the cadets? Wasn't i forgiven?
Let me tell everyone how long he took to forgive me : about 1 afternoon.
Come on Cheeleong, don't lose the friendship just because of such things. Treasure the people around you, before you realise that one day there is no one for you to treasure even if you want to...
Everyone has faults. Being late, forgetful...though even i will be pissed off, i know that we are humans.
I hope the 3 of you will learn to accept the differences among each other. Change what you guys can never accept. Only then true friends will be born.
I didnt say anything profound for everyone's information. I am merely repeating what me and Cheeleong used to say to each other in the past. Hope you remember, my old friend.

I saw an interesting entry in Cheeleong's blog too.
Title: Demon within me
He put up a picture of a sort of trapped demon, kinda showing the devil in him.
I've also come to realised everyone has a demon within them, otherwise known as "Id". Averal knows about this.
If you read up, you'll understand that human mind is divided into 3 characteristics: The Ego, The Superego and the Id.
The Ego is the conscious self..The character that we usually see in each other.
Superego is the unconscious self, the side of us which consist of what we call "conscience".
Lastly, the Id, which is all our desires and of cause, the main cause of anger and sorrow. This is yet another unconscious self.

Everyone has an "Id". A demon.
It is just a matter of how "active" it is.
Cheeleong has a more active Superego.
Averal has both active Id and Superego.
So i pose this question to all who reads this entry of mine...
How active is your Id?
Think about how often you do things out of anger or out of confused emotions, and at the same time disregarding any conscience, and only realising you did something bad after you calm down.

I also visited Von's bloggy just a moment ago, after seeing a tag she left in my tagboard. Apparently i have been constantly forgetting to relink her properly. This time i will.
She has a new Boyfriend. One she deems to bully her all the time, but it seems to me that she kinda likes it.
Congrats anyway Von!

I'm sitting down at my study desk, wondering over the same old stuff...
Time Flies.
How i wish time could go back to the days where my and Cheeleong were still in S1 doing admin work for NCC, scolding cadets and teaching them all that we know. How i wish time could go back to when me and Von first met in Kelong.
Dealing with my work is a challenge, but somehow dealing with myself is more of an uphill task.
I'm all alone, for certain.

"my day concludes"

2006-02-28T22:11:00.000-08:00

She just doesn't learn doesn't she?

I have nothing more to say to that fucking bitch. She just can't grow up.
And it really doesnt bother me what she does or say behind my back.
Because whatever she does, it only shows how much better i am compared to her.

I have only 2 chinese words for you...

"Fan Jian"

2006-02-06T14:11:00.000-08:00

Well, let's just say...
It doesn't matter to have one less friend.

I don't give a FUCK of how you think about me or how you feel about me, because whatever you think or feel, it doesn't benefit me in any way.
Do what you like and think what you want.
It won't kill ME to have one less friend, and especialy someone like you. My world and the Earth i am living on still goes on Spinning.

Excessive concern is REDUNDANT.

"Bitch"

2006-01-18T20:50:00.000-08:00

My brain....my mind isn't thinking...they aren't working properly...

Sometime, someday, someone needs to give me a really bad "Awakening" shock or a really Stunning knock to get my brain working....

That's all i can say. Won't conclude any shit.

"Shit"

2006-01-14T16:07:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'm A Lion...

Recently i got this email from my old sec school friend CuiWoon.
It is an email that describes the characteristic of each and every horoscope, and of both sexes(eg: They describe the character of Aries man and Aries Woman).

Well, i thought it was interesting, so i just gave a try and went on reading the part on "Leo Man".
I am a Leo for those who don't know. And Leo's are depicted by Lions.

After reading through it, 90% of the description fitted me accurately.
I couldn't believe it myself...Other than the DISC personality profile i attended last year, horoscope provides a certain level of accuracy too.
From the description, i also learnt more about how i am. Sometimes i just don't know what a person i am, yet the mail described what i don't realise.

I read other people's horoscope too, particularly Aries Man and Woman, Cancer Man and Woman as well as the Sagitarius.

The description of Leo man made emphasis on Pride and Dignity.
"Leo Man walks firmly and slowly like a Lion"...haha, do i really walk like that?
Just like Squall Leonhart once said "Lions are known for their strength and pride".

LEAP camp ended 2 days ago. For some, it was a great camp.
For me, it was the worst. But there were good things that actually happened too. What happened? haha, only me and that book knows.

I confronted Mr Lim in SMS yesterday, telling him how unhappy i am with regards to his comment on my decision made on the CCA recruitment.
I did not back down, and stood on my own point, rebutting him at every point he made in his SMS.
This is one of the times when i am the bravest, because i never dared to go against someone senior.
Yet no matter how risky it was, i still argued with him. Maybe because it is SMS that's why. Well, in the end he had nothing to say.
Loser...

Now what's left is to do homework....lots of stuff to hand in tomorrow.
Like the chapter...Lot of Challenges.

Anyway, i will stop here. Lets hope the week will be a better one.
Oh...and i look forward to Chinese New Year...

My day concludes.

"What i meant is simply that i can accept if one says that i could have consider other options, but not when one says my decision is wrong."

2006-01-11T18:45:00.000-08:00

Disappear and Reappear!
Disappear and Reappear!

I disappeared from blogging for a while, and now i reappeared!
Lolx...Like who cares...

Er yes...did i mention in my previous entries that i changed my hairstyle?
Oh, for the benefit of those who have yet to know why, here's why.
Well, just 1 day before the school reopened, i wanted to cut my hair at the usual Malay barber just nearby my house.

"Mum, later i go cut hair"
And there Bro came in to the room and said...
"Seng, i have been seeing your old hairstyle for 17 years! Time for a CHANGE. Come, lets go Cut and Curl."

And there we went to Cut and Curl for my haircut.
"You just sit there and keep quiet, i am paying, so you just sit down and let your hair fall!"
Crappy right?

Well, after the hair was done, i was kinda shocked...
"Is this me?"
Indeed it wasn't...i wasn't used to the new hair, so i was rather self conscious on the way back home.

Well, as for now, i have already gotten used to the hair. Some of my friends said i look more Awake, and it looks far better than my old fashion 17 years of hairstyle.
I like it now. I don't need to comb it at all. Just brush and put wax and TADA..

Lots of stuff to talk about....so please sit back and enjoy my entry right?
How about some HnF?
Here goes, i recently, just about a week ago, requested to Mr Lim that i step down from my presidential post. I was really pissed off with him.
Well, after some persuasion, i decided to stay on. The club voted for me and i kinda volunteered too. Besides, it's a few months more before my step down.
Might as well just endure for a few more months.

Today is CCA recruitment. I expected 10, but 18 wrote their names.
Haha...nothing to be happy about. It is just 18 insincere members.

How about some current progress now?
Anyway, tomorrow will be LEAP camp. LEAP is just an abbreviation which i apparently didn't bother to remember it.
All i was telling myself is "To heck with it and get it over with".
My class was splitted, and i landed in the group where some S24 students will be mixing with us.
Haha, me and Junyang are the only S25 boys.

I haven packed my stuff yet...lolx..Will be packing it right after my bloggy.

Poor Milo, it is raining right now and he is kinda frightened. Beside me right now, he looks at me type and finds a spot to make himself feel more secure. Dogs are indeed better friends than man, a pity that they cannot talk.
Yet Milo could express to us what he wants through his actions.
Dogs are all like that, isnt it?

My reflections and emotions now...
The same thing i always say...i hope my friends are all right. Especially those close ones.
Averal...i no longer see her in school...Has she been expelled? She hasn't replied my smses too.
I hope she is doing fine.

Recently there have been people tagging my board without identifying themselves...
"Memory" is one example. Hey for goodness sake, GROW UP, if you are someone i know and a friend of mine and has never done anything to let me down, why bother use a name that i cant determine who you are? Don't be ashamed...

After the class chalet and various other events that i participated during the holidays, i finally learnt and saw what it truly means by 'Being Matured' and engaging in a 'Matured Relationship'.
Now i can truly tell the difference between this and puppy love...Haha, puppy love is still seen everywhere now that i know the difference.
(yo i dont't mean Junyang's or Kimboon's, they are the matured ones).

Now it is time to laugh at "Immatures-In-Action".
Action!

Hey You Gal! All i need is just a smile from you whenever we meet. That's all i need to be contented.
I don't need you to like me, love me or anything...just smile, and it'll be worth my feelings for you.

My Day Concludes~YEA!

"You Were Right, They Are Truly A Disgusting Pair."

2006-01-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

That's a freaking long time when i last blogged haven't I?

To start off, Happy New Year to everyone.

Today's the first day of school. Lot's of things has happened since Christmas.
My cousin Cheryl finally received the keychain i made for her. I hoped she likes it. She just SMSed telling me "Thanks".

I uninstalled all my games just 2 days ago. Now i am truly "gameless".

And my big fat dog Milo is just gaining weight without losing just as much.
His temper is just getting more and more ferocious. He's really a mini Raptor dinosaur....

In Search Of The Long Lost Spirit.
Though the tarot cards said it would come soon since that day i mentioned about it, it took more than "Soon" for my answers to come.
Yet, i found my answer during the class chalet i had and the answer than i had was simply "Time".
Time heals all wound.
I have found that Spirit...at last.

Still, it closes this particular chapter of my life...a really long chapter.
And there, a new chapter opens.
This year will be my A lvl's, and that's everyone's challenge.
Either we make it, or we will waste 2 years of studying.
This shall be the new chapter of my life.

My day and Chapter concludes.

"Tons Of Challenges To Be Conquered With A Scarce Time"

2005-12-12T16:25:00.000-08:00

Von's Birthday passed recently and i haven't wished her a Happy Birthday...
Haha, she must be hating me, but i am happy that she had such a long and nice birthday, hanging out with her family as well as her friends.

Compared to my birthday...still having lessons, eating Beancurd...
And a few SMSes to wish me...
I wish i could enjoy myself on that special day too. Yet..hmm...
My Birthday just isn't as happy as others at all.

I haven been true to myself these days.
I told myself before the holidays that i would go out more often when holidays come.
Yet right now, i stay at home so often that i am totally kept away from what's happening outside.
Can you picture a person, going to Orchard and finding his surroundings so wonderful?
That person is me...i have not been there for ages now.

At home, i have been doing nothing but playing computers games.
I have so ran out of games, that i have actually started Maple.
It was a long time ago since i started it though..
Now, i got tired of it too. But i still play it to kill time.

Well it is not cause i don't want to go out, or don't feel like going out..
But i have no one to go out with! Imagine whenever i wanted to go out, i asked some friends, all are never free.
So i have to go out alone. It isn't a bad thing going out alone...but the places you go to are the same...and you tend to think a lot about things happening around you and they don't really bother you at all.

Class chalet just another few more days away. Can't wait for it to come.
And i have another work offer this saturday. Sorry guys, all slots occupied.

Long time ago, i customized a little keychain for Cheryl.
Just a few days ago, i asked my mum to pass this keychain to her if she goes to my grandma's house anytime soon.
I hope my cousin will like it.

Damn bored...what should i do now? Play games? Go out?
Go out? at this time? with?
Haha...no way...

Well...all right...i'll just go find something to do...
If not, i'll just go dream..No, i mean sleep...:)
My day concludes.

"You Are Not The One"

2005-12-07T13:57:00.000-08:00

I really how my good freinds out there are doing..

Are they ok? have they been taking care of themselves?
Have they been needing some help?
Do they still remember me?
Am i forgotten?

I went through Von's blog just a moment ago...
Sad..if you were to see her blog.

Her latest entry displayed pictures of many different types of medicine. Tablets stacking up. And all of them add up to a great amount of medicine. Even i haven took so much medicine before.
Just looking at those tablets made me felt worried for her..
I hope she recovers soon.
Her mum and brother went away for a week. Guess she will have to take care of herself.
I admire her spirit though. She conquered the thought of having to eat so many medicine by placing them in an Equation(A + B = C....).

Haha, i was laughing when i saw that. At least she knows how to manage her own illness in a more "interesting and mathematical" manner. Maybe next time when i feel sad, i should make an equation too!

I saw her "desires" section of her blog, and saw an interesting one.
"Bombard Kelong hopefully this yr end"
(For those who dunno what Kelong is- It is actually a fishing village, totally built on the sea with logs and planks. In this case, we mean the Indonesia one)
Looks like this desire won't come true, because it has been changed to next year Chinese new year.
Hopefully she and i both will be free by that time. Not forgetting the rest of my cousins are free too(hopefully).

It's kinda hard isn't it?
Everyone's grown up...Getting more and more tied up with school work, if not, earning money...
I wish we could all go kelong just like the old days.

Well, what's my greatest wish right now?
To be able to talk to Von. Hope she comes online so i can chat with her and ask about how she is.

My day concludes..for now.

"Y-Pon, you see this entry liao remember to PM in MSN HOR!"

2005-12-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

Some things don't change.
Some things never changes.
Some things are very hard to be changed.
Yet when some things change, they change drastically.

I guess everyone knows what i mean. Just think back about your own life, and you start realising all these things have actually happened before.

Yet unfortunately, my character falls under the fourth phrase.

Right, here i am. Early morning blog to conclude some of the things that happened recently during the week..
(how bout a weekly blog from now? yeah...and Von will kill me for sure.)

My previous entryy mentioned Miang's horoscope "prophecy".
About me craving for love til 4th dec, today.
Well i have to admit...it sort of came true..
Throughout the week i have been thinking about her sometimes, at the same time despising my own cowardice to present her the little gift i bought.

Thought people say "Don't regret tomorrow, cause you never know if tomorrow will surely come. Tell the people you love that you love them TODAY".

Yet there are many instances in life, whereby even though you know there isn't going to be a tomorrow, you would rather not tell the person you love them.
I mean, what's the whole freaking point? Knowing you are gonna die tomorrow, would you rather tell the person you love them, and thus hurting them, or you would rather keep your mouth shut so that the person can still live on happily?

It's not surprising, some people feels awkward or uneasy hearing someone telling them such stuff.
Seriously, if it was me, i wouldn't want to have her feel uneasy.
Controversy: What if the person also loves you, just that you don't know?

...
I don't have time for such debates.
As far as i know, i won't reveal anything to anyone..Especially her.
It's...for her sake.
(yea, again for another person's sake..No wonder shun feels that i am wasting my life away..trying my best to convince people...maybe he's right. Yet is there anything wrong in wanting to help others? But YET..who actually helped me before? less than a handful..i guess)

I will be going for a swim today at changi beach, with my cousins.
We haven't met in ages. Though it's less than a year, it feels just like years.

Ahh, talk about Milo, my Jack "Rascal" doggy.
To us, my family, he's no longer a pet. He is a kin to us already.
Some may ask: A dog as a kin?? WTF
And why NOT? at least dogs know loyalty more than many people do.
He likes to eat play sleep, yet he also took the responsibility upon himself to guard the house against strangers.
I pity the salesman coming over to my house sometimes. Cause i don't need to say a word for them to go away, Milo will.

My day concludes...well at least not for today.
(how bout another blog?lolx..)

"You all know something about pigs and dogs? though they love to eat sleep play, they know the importance of Kinship, family relationship and friendship. Humans shouldn't despise these 2 animals, because THEY despise us for what we cannot compare to them."

2005-11-28T16:53:00.000-08:00

I am back..after a long period of disappearance.
Well i'll blog, since Von asked me to.

Sorry i didnt see your MSN message yesterday cause i was playing game...
Haha, play too much le...

Whoa! Liting was here! And she even asked me to link her!
What a miracle...i thought people would have found it a shame to link such an ugly looking blog(suyee will kill me again...)
Well, that's what Kaiwen always said whenever she sees my blog.

Well, seriously, i don't have anything much to be blogged down.
Promo's over and so are lessons.
Today happens to be the last day of the extra lessons. Finally free....

Lets talk about today...

Today.
It was the last day of the extra lessons. It ended near 1pm, and me and the rest of my friends headed off to the coffee shop nearby for lunch.
We ate we chat we laughed. We also talked a lot about other people.
From this, i really got to know the true colours of some people i know.
They were all talking about games...DOTA.
And me and Miang only sat there feeling the blues.

So me and Miang talked about our own stuffs too.
PS2...lolx. I asked him if he could lend me his console.
Miang also said to me today that Leos will crave for love this whole week, til the 4th of December.

My...Crave?? I wonder if it is really gonna happen.

2 days ago.
Well, it was the CCA leaders planning camp. Basically, it serves the purpose of letting all CCAs come together to plan for next years activities.
It was a 2 day 1 night camp. On the first day, it started at 4pm. Bascially all the boring admin stuff.
Night came, and that's when the WAR GAMES became the interesting part of the camp.
My group came second...killing a few players from the opponent team.
I was shot by a water bomb in the first round though...lolx, War Hero eh?

...
Get what i mean? Nothing to talk about...
And the class chalet...ahh....i really look forward to it.

HnF.
For quite some time, there has been no activities happening within the club.
Well, not because there nothing to be organized, but it's me who, on purpose, did not call for any meeting.
I guess my grudge against the teachers are growing more and more each day.
Someday..i might very well just quit this club.

Getting kinda boring right now, though it is holidays..
No games..everything's down for maintanence..
I pray to God..please let WeeMiang lend me his PS2 console.

My life? Haha...i guess it is moving on pretty smoothly recently.
Loneliness no longer bothers me.
I hope the rest are doing fine too.

I heard Vincent's got a girlfriend in sec 2 today.
How i envy him...Hey hold on a minute...am i really starting to crave for love?
I hope the thing Miang told me about aint gonna happen...

BOREDOM!!!

My day concludes.

"I customized a little something...yet i do not have the courage to gift it away."

2005-11-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

Loneliness has been nothing but a normal routine that i face everyday now.

Went to look at other's blog..how i envy them...
Erm...i don't mean i envy them cause their blog is so nice while mine is just some...ugly crap(suyee will kill me if she sees this..)

Rather, i envy them for what they are able to say in their blog without worries..
Without worries of someone having bad impression of them.
Haha...if i could bravely say "I Love You" to that special someone just like the people whose blog i visited..
I really wish to say it to that special someone, but that special someone don't even think of me...
Impossible to be able to be with her ever...i mean...maybe she even forgotten i ever existed.
Just like the part in James Blunt's You're Beautiful
"But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you".

For the past few days i have been juggling between many different games at once..
Rakion...Half life 2....Quake4...
And now that i have completed Quake4, i plan to get FEAR.
It quite a good game, i went to the webby to check it out already.

About to hit level 18 soon in Rakion..Who cares!?

IT rep duty on monday...have to go and help out for PW...
Well...actually i am not very good in IT stuff...I m afraid i might screw up that day or become a laughing stock.
Sigh..why me of All people?

Guess i am really bored..
Well, not really...just...
Lonely.

My Day Concludes.

"And i don't know what to do, cos i'll never be with you"

2005-11-02T20:00:00.000-08:00

I hate them....i hate them....

They added salt to my open wound...
My wound never healed...now i know why...
Their presence posed a constant reminder of my regrets...
They were always there...laughing at me when i am at my greatest sorrow...

Took away the freedom i had....
Took away the happiness i had...

I hate them...i hate them...

And i hate ALL who are on good terms with them..
I hate all of them...
All of them are Hypocritical Bastards...Big Lying Bitches....
I hate them all...

Hate...Hate....Hate....
Nothing will appease my anger...my rage on all of them....
For i was true to them...yet they gave me Sarcastic laughs....
Laughed at my pain...
Me? Sadistic?..They are the sadistic ones...
I Hate them all..

No one's true to me...
made use of me....
Befriended me for all other selfish personal reasons...
They showed their true colors...
And i won't just stay aside and keep quiet...
I won't go down without a fight....

They wanna play with me? Then i shall play with them...
If it wasn't for Ego...
I would have been better off...
Fuck them all...

And don't ever let me hear those names again...
For they are unworthy of my hearing...
UNWORTHY.

My Day Shall End.

"Id Mode On"

2005-10-20T16:05:00.000-07:00

Hey..

Kinda feel delighted seeing my old friend's Tag on my board.
Thanks Von. Lolx, i'll leave a tag in her board too.
You know Von, hopefully we can go Kelong again sometime...maybe end of the year with Terry and my cousins?
Tell your brother i wish him all the best too.

Anyway, yesterday we all got back our promo results.
Some were happy, some were sad. Me? both happy and sad.
Anyway, i wouldn't worry bout being promoted...not because i am 100% sure i can be promoted but....it is not like there is something i can do to make the situation better.
But considering the rumors that i heard is true that even ppl with 3 AOs can get promoted, then i definitely won't have any worries at all. I have 2 Alvl passes.

Well, Miss Lim said some things today that kinda spoilt this rumor.
Don't understand what she said, but it kinda shattered our hopes too.
I don't wish to lose everyone.

Yesterday was really a bad day for me.
First was the results that really demoralised most of us.
Then HnF had an Exco meeting. I made a mistake by forgetting to ask for the keys i wanted to take.
As a result, Bernard Tan shouted at me..in front of the other teachers in the PE office.
I know it is my fault, so i have nothing to say. Still, it really spoilt my day..being lectured by him.
At least he wasn't a hypocrite and it was indeed my fault.

After the meeting, Lim Ming Hock spoke to me in private, telling me unnecessary and REDUNDANT things that insulted my dignity as a president.

He said: "You need to learn how to put down your pride and learn new things. For example if you don't know something, ask nicely how to do the certain thing"
This is very UNNEEDED. It is as if saying i "Geh-Kiang".
In front of him, i was always polite and i never dared to do anything rash without consulting him.
YET, he said such things to me.
Wait, that's not all...
"I sense that your members are doing more work than you. You cannot delegate duties and then don't check back on them. For example you give a task to somebody and whatever happens, good or bad, is none of your business."
This sucks even more.
I had my Grandfather's funeral months ago. That week of funeral happen to clash with the Aerobics Marathon my club organised. Even though i had family problems and i gave my duties to Huixian, i still messaged hher and Dennis, the Vice-President, about the progress.
Even at those moments where i was sad, i still cared about my Club. YET he said i delegate without checking.
And he defended himself by saying "Like i have said, it is only a sense, i dunno whether is it true or not"
Fuck man....Sense so what? It means you have felt i am such a person after i worked for the cliub for so long!
And me giving other members job to do is not DELEGATION, but JOB DISTRIBUTION.

I can't believe it...the longer i stay in this club, the more i don't feel good being the President. Somemore, he is going to kick a good Exco member out of HnF just because of a mistake he made. It may be big, but everybody makes mistake and should be given a chance.
I brought this up to him yesterday and he Refused to confirm letting Ching Hwa back into the club. Still want to consider here and there and discuss...

We understand Ching Hwa best, what's there to discuss among the teachers themselves? Shallow people.
And if I, as the President, cannot even bring back a member, then i truly AM a failure. I want to have a say, not to become a Puppet, a FIGUREHEAD.

Today in school, JunYang brought his Tarot cards.
I do not believe in it totally, but there were some things that were worth heeding. Especially the very recent 96689669 issue that got me confused.
I am very lost and currently searching for an answer..don't want to be confused anymore..i want to decipher every mystery clouding my life.

The Tarot cards were right..today, exceptionally accurate...much more than i expected.
The moment JunYang lay out my 10 cards, 3 cards were bad cards.
Imagine...one of my cards is a picture of a Devil...(Id? Hybrid?)
Immediately, JunYang asked me "Are you looking for an answer? Are you trying to make a decision?"
JunYang, who isn't very close to me, had no doubt of guessing my problems.
Yet he gave the description so accurately. I am indeed lost and looking for an answer. He(or the cards) even knew that i intended to sought the cards for help before.

However, the conclusion he told me is that very soon, about a month's time, the answer that i am seeking for, will come to me. Someone will be there to help me and the confusion within me will be deciphered.
But, that'll be a month's time. The outcome, good or bad...is yet unknown.
I will keep a lookout from today...Who knows what the Tarot prophesized might come out true.

My Day Concludes.

"96689669"

2005-10-16T22:38:00.000-07:00

Back to world of blogs.

Currently listening to my blog song. Waiting for you.
Thanks to Vincent's intro, i really fell in love with this magical, yet sad song.

Anyway, i really have been bored to death these few days. Just a few days ago we all we discussing answers in school with our teachers through lectures.
Talking about them makes me sick. So many things wrong.

Have been playing Rakion these few days. I am already a level 11 warrior.
A lone valiant brandishing his sword cutting his enemies down.
Come to think of it, just 2 days ago on Friday, i cut down 40 opponents in one game, becoming the top fragger.
Vybrix...was my nickname.

Today i bought 2 new armor: A level 11 Body armor and a Level 11 Shoulder guards.
Yesterday i wore my gold cube necklace. Now i am a defensive warriors.
But, everything's neutralised when faced with strong warriors like me.
Currently looking for a worthy warrior to fight me one on one.

Managed to clear some hard levels with the help of 2 assasins today.
Zhengze and Guanhui.
We failed in one quest countless times. After some trials and planning, we finally fought our way to the last area. We did manage to clear the stage, but...i wasn't alive anymore. Still, i got my experience points and gold.

I am about another 500+ more EXP to level 12. Next i will buy a new sword to replace this one.

This purpose sounds like it is for Rakion, but it really isn't.
Rather, it is for her...
Just a few days...or a week ago...we met...and we were close.
See her smile, hear her talk. Now, we are far apart again.
If she could be so close to me, just like a few memories ago..

But i know...this won't really happen again. We are not fated. It's hard to even see her and talk to her. Till today, i still lack the courage to SMS her.
Is she the "Miss Hope" who appeared in my dreams?

A Few Weeks Ago...
I took a Sunday afternoon nap. It was near promos. About a week away.
Yet in that dream...i dreamt of myself walking and wandering about an unknown city. I was lost, aimless. Don't know where to go.
This girl came by...she looked ugly...asked me if i was lost. My egoistic nature wanted me not to let her know i am.
Yet i know she is the only one who could lead me home. I put down my pride and asked her for help.

We walked...walked...an less than even a short moment, i could see my home in the distance.
I acted cool and said "that's my home, thanks, bye."
As i walked away, i knew i will never be able to see her again. I could not allow that...i must never lose another loved one. I ran back...and who i saw wasn't an ugly duckling anymore. She was beautiful...smiling at me, as if she knew i will turn back.

I asked this beatiful girl for her number in my dream. She wrote on a piece of paper her number, and i kept it in my pocket.
Before i could even ask her for her name, i was awaken by the sounds made by the computer my brother was using then. I dipped my hand into my pocket...but there was no paper.

Her look...her appearence and her smiles still lingers in my memories.
And i haven forgotten her number. Because before i put it into my "pocket", i recited it to her to confirm it.
"96689669"
Such a nice yet easy-to-remember number. Does such a number really exist?
I doubt so...which is why till today, i never dared to message this "Miss Hope", as well as the girl i love in real life.

If i could see her again...but she haven appeared anymore.
96689669...i even stored this number in my phone.

Waiting for you...come here to my dreams.
This song really suits Miss Hope.

Another gruelling week to overcome. Yet i am already in the wrong mood.
A wrong holiday mood. Guess i'll do my PW tomorrow...
My day...concludes.

"Vybrix-Warrior in the dreams"

2005-10-12T15:55:00.000-07:00

Recently, i have discovered that quite a number of people have got a liking to the design of a gothic blogskin.

Von used to have one, Averal too had one currently.
I have a few more to name, but it makes no point to the entry.
Well...maybe i do have taste problems, but it really doesn't seem right.
Cool? Such skins are cool? I really don't see what's so cool...
Okok..maybe i do have taste problems...
But it seriously isn't cool to me.

Haven change my skin ever since i started on it. Well, what's the point?
People come and read your stuff, not adore how beautiful and updated your skin is.
Maybe i should change the picture someday...he really doesn't exist anymore.

I won't forget some "special" people in my life. Not referring to any of my once good friends or some sort...but some people that really made a bad impact on my life. Good thing they aren't in the same school as me right now...
And here's a message to them
"Hey, i will never forget what you all have done to me. If i can, i will forget, but i will never forgive you all. I despise you all, and especially "You". Don't try to act like a mature and wise person in front of me, cause you suck the most. And, Fuck You...wait, you don't even deserved to be Fucked. Go Fuck Yourself you lamer."

Imagine how pissed off i am whenever i think of them. So pissed off that i do things i don't like to do...like mentioning vulgarities in my very own entries.

I am damn tired after Palatte today. The first hour, it was really boring..i can tell from the Guzheng people's faces. Good thing the second hour things start to pick up.
Well, we were playing captains ball...erm...replacing the ball with a frisbee...
We had a final round whereby our CCA VS Guzheng. Losing team gets bombed by water bombs.
Through handicap, Guzheng won HnF.
Well, as i was about to assemble my membles in the centre to get splashed, my members, at the last minute, became rampant. After distributing to the Guzheng people, my HnF members too the remaining water bombs and started to attack me. The Guzheng people followed. Following that, HnF people started to bombs themselves. Some Guzheng girls become innocent targets of course...

I also realise what it means by never offend WOMEN.
Cheryl, in my impression, is always a gentle and softspoken girl..Today she proved me wrong.
I asked one of the Guzheng girl, who apparently couldn't bear to throw at anyone, for one of her 2 waters bombs she was carrying on her hands.
I looked for a DRY HnF member, and Cheryl Suay Suay stood there. I went after her and smashed the bombed right onto her neck, splashing her face and shirt..
Guess what happen?
She was soooooo agitated, she didn't even ask, she just SNATCHED a water bomb from a Guzheng girl who apparently was shocked by Cheryl's reaction.
OK...she chased after me and she threw the bomb. She scored a head shot on the back of my head...She can try CS now..

Wa Lao....she just SNATCH the bomb...didn't even ask..

And i made a promise to HnF that if we lose, i will let them pour the leftover water in the container on me. Huixian took the liberty for "Bathing" me.

Next up, the Guzheng taught us some basics of Guzheng. Now i know how to play a bit of "Xiao Ao Jiang Hu". They were really patient and they played 2 songs for us. HnF definitely was cooperative.
Now i made new friends.

Cindia, the Vice-President of Guzheng, lent Ching Hwa, a HnF member, her own plastic nails...those you attach to your fingers to prevent hurting your own fingers.
Guzheng then gave us Kit Kat as a gift when everything ended. Blur cock Ching Hwa went to wrap the plastic nail inside the KitKat wrapper and threw it into the dustbin.
In the end, i had to help him look for the stuff. Good thing i found it.
Well overall, HnF had fun. We hope they had fun from the splashing too.

I Am tired of all the walking and running today. Guess i should take a rest.
My Day Concludes.

"Waiting For You"

2005-10-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

Yawn!!!

Final promo paper is finally over...it ended yesterday.
And guess what..today is supposed to be my holiday...in the end?

Yesterday suddenly pop out one announcement say "All CCA leaders are reminded that tomorrow(which is today...) there will be a briefing at 10.30am at LT2 regarding the Palatte program".
SIAN!!!

Well, i didn't have much of a choice eh? So i had to wake up early as usual...then i went to school as early as 9.10am..well, to wait for my Palatte In-charge, Cheryl.
I had to pass her some information, as well as cleaning up the gym with her.

Crap LA!! She say she wanted to go for the briefing along with me and Dennis, today she insisted not going, in the end giving us so much trouble...Damn hard to contact her sometimes..
Blew up at her in my SMS today..
Good thing today she took note of her HP...at least the things aren't so difficult. Hope i won't...i mean, hope We All won't screw up tomorrow.

Come to think of it...i wonder how many times i have blew at her already.
But come on...it is not as if i did it for no reason right? Sometimes she just isn't conscious of what she is saying...and thus offend me without knowing.
Today also...so important yet she didn't go.
It kinda suck to blow at people too...Hope she won't take it to heart..
Fine Fine...treat her Ice-Cream someday k..

Tomorrow's palatte. Me and my members went through quite some discussions this afternoon.
hehehehe...tomorrow's forfeit is gonna be fun...Water Bomb!!!
Wonder if it is us or our partner CCA who will be bombed...

Yep, and the CCA that we are partnering with, is the CCA of the girl whom i had my first crush on, back in secondary school. Lolx...if she's reading this now, she will definitely know who she is...
But that was so long ago...i am sure she will laugh at my silliness if she ever looked back on those days. Even i am laughing at myself now that i think of the past.
Sorry Sorry...the CCA is Guzheng.

I am really looking forward to learning some Guzheng. Well, i have one at home that belongs to my mother...So if i learn this..lolx...i can play with it sometime when i am free...hehehehe...

Hey "You"! Fuck "You".
And Don't get too arrogant i am telling you.

ok..still have to go through my plans one more time.
Need to form up the teams too. Ciao~
My Day Concludes

"Coward...All You Know Is Act In The Dark. Fuck You"

2005-10-08T01:23:00.000-07:00

I wonder why, but it's kinda hard to sleep tonight.
Anyway, for those who are confused, it's past midnight that i am posting this entry. Saturday night...or should i say, Sunday morning.

Couldn't sleep...i tried very very hard to sleep. Yet i just couldn't.
In the very end, i chose to stay awake. Well...cause if i sleep, i will most probably dream of some bad stuff again. These few nights was like this.

It was more like a struggle than a sleep. I always wake up with a bad bad runny nose. Probably the dream is my illness...and i am fighting my illness even in my sleep.

I have gotten used to being alone. Being called a lonely person by some.
Yet at the same time, i hated being lonely.
Just like right now, coming online in the middle of the night to talk to my blog.
I hate being lonely, because whenever i am lonely, i start thinking of things.

All the things in the world..
"How is my promo's? What should i do if i don't get promoted? I studied hard, did my best...but can i make it? they were all hard.."
That's one. Some other things that i thought about are things like "what is the present gonna be like if i have never made such a decision during the O'lvl period?"
And also "Have i made the right friends? Or was i wrong to have even met them? Are we all wrong about we being true to each other?I shouldn't have befriended them and they shouldn't have befriended me last time right?"
These are some of the things that still bothered me today. One is my exams...
The other...the still untied knot that resulted from what happened 6 months ago.

Steven, my NCC comrade who is currently still in some contact with me, managed to enlighten me that Saturday, weeks ago, about friendship.
He was right...No matter the situation, he chose to stick to his personal principles. Especially this principle.
I will heed his words. I will stick to this principle too. Which is why i insisted on being just friends with Hui and Cheeleong. They were once the only good friends i have. Now, i have none. The very last 2, which is the above mentioned, are only friends now.
And this remains the way it is always. It is time to forget all the memories we all had together and just be friends of the present.
Lost time cannot be recovered.

My sincerest apologies, but..Brotherhood is dead. Brothers and buddies...No More.

All the past memories..They shall be illusions. They have never happened before.
Because none of these were True.
I will never believe in another lie again.

I'll be true to myself. Veotex's dead. Hybrid's dead...both perished while trying to conquer the other. Vybrix thus never existed.
JS is who i am. From now on...only the worthy ones can call me "JS"...others, please call me JunSheng.

At least i clarified all the lines and boundaries now, so that we will never cross our fates again.

My day concludes. But the chapter still has a long way to go...
From now on, i shall never bring up my feelings in depth in this blog again. They will go to the diary. I swear it.

"If the suffering can't cease, i will cease the sources, whatever it takes"

2005-09-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

The Myth

This movie lingers heavily in my heart still. I guess i finally found the answer i needed all along during this period of confusion about myself and my own visions.

Now i know many things i thought is impossible to happen will one day happen, if i put my best to work for it.
Of course, i must not believe bad things will happen.
"Shen Hua" in my mind, refers to the good things...goodwill of humanity.

Dunno why i blog today. I really don't have much to say. Basically i stayed at home the whole day today. Wanted to get a haircut, but i ended up taking an afternoon nap.

Used back my old time favourite display pic on my MSN. The usual Razielim logo and a chinese word "Jun" right beside it.

Dinner will be served soon...Some things just don't change.
But i guess that's the way it is. My mum cooks around the usual time, that's why i eat around 7pm everyday, if i am at home. Not because i refuse to change it, but circumstances such as this prevented a change.
Thus, nothing special. The chat that day...they are all illusions.
They are not even myths to talk about. At least myths do happen.
But what if one day i change my eating time? Then what i said today will become myths...

Tomorrow...Don't wanna talk about it...Let it remain a myth for now.

Promos? NONO...not gonna spoil my viewers' mood by mentioning this...
But...who reads anyway? The usual people maybe..
Yet...if my assumption that no one reads is untrue...
What i just said becomes...Myths.

Lolx...please pardon me for my new mythie theory. The movie really had a great impact on me. Especially towards life. Who should i thank?
Thank You Jackie Chan! Not forgetting Kim Hee Sun, Tony Leung..Blah Blah....
Power of the Media....now i understand.

Right! Dinner...my stomach's grumbling.
My day concludes.

"Don't lose hope.What you think will no happen may happen, like myths do"

2005-09-26T22:46:00.000-07:00

Well Well...

Went to watch the new movie "The Myth" with my parents at Bedok today.
Though the effect wasn't as good as compared to GV, it doesn't really matter, cause i got to watch the show.

The show..i wouldn't say it is as good as the "Police Story"
last year, but this show is still impressive. Though the story might be a little unorganized(Past and Present alternating), but i guess that's how it should be.

The theme song sung by the Korean artiste and Jackie Chan is really great...i love the song. Managed to download it.

The movie taught some things....especially principles.
You will have to watch the movie to understand what i mean.
I found what one of the characters said very true.
"What we thought will never happen ten years ago is called a myth. Now that they came true, they are no longer myths."

It's really meaningful. You guys really gotta catch this show when you are free. Don't just focus on the plot and the fighting and stuff. Try to learn something valuable from this show. Especially the part where Jackie Chan said to his scientist friend that Artifacts must be returned to where they belong. "Safe-Keeping is as good as Theft"..One of the things he said that made sense.

The NG after the show is hilarious...

One thing that i learnt is never to think that myths will never come to reality.
Computers and Planes were once myths and imaginations. Today, they are the most common things around. If not how do i post this entry?

"Shen Hua"
A really good show. I enjoyed it very much.
My Day Concludes.

2005-09-22T15:06:00.000-07:00

My confidence was taken away...
But it's time to find them back.

It has been long ever since those fateful periods of time that crippled my willpower to do anything. Any given situation, i just back out.

And it indeed has been long enough to remain crippled. It's time to take them back.
I must...

Today in school, during PE, we all played basketball.
I still remembered the childhood phobia i developed against basketball and soccer balls.
Basketball: The ball came twist my poor nails, or comes full force onto my face. No big deal for someone my age. But big deal for a primary 1 boy.
Soccer: Either i kick other people's "brother", or mine get kicked. Even worse...soccer ball comes striking your most important thing to you. No big deal for someone my age. But big deal for a primary 1 boy.

Today, the experience relive. As the ball came, i never dared to catch it properly. Considering i have long nails today...i didn't want to twist it, just like 10+ years ago.
Glenn said to me" You lack the confidence to catch the ball."

Sigh...fancy someone my age to be afraid of just some SPORTS BALLS.
How shameful.

I also, through Averal and some other friends, noticed the change in the way i do things. I just don't approach them as confidently as last time. Rather, i have been retreating...retreating...
I have retreated too much...

Mr Bernard Tan said "Man don't usually lack strength, they lack Will".

Right now, it's time to take them back. I won't allow myself to have my confidence remain lost in my memories.
I must take them back. Even if i can't, i will find new ones.
First, i must stop having those illusions...those impossible stuff that i imagined to happen one day.

Bernard tan also said "You have the potential, but you need to focus and release them"
Key is focus. Focus is key.
I must find my lost Will. I have to.
Of course, i must not regain them at the expense of someone else losing it. I won't repeat what i deemed wrong.

It's time to grow up more. I can't remain the way they are. Let them critisize me all they want, but by doing it, it only makes them look more idiotic. Not forgetting, Childish.

Rather tired...I'll start my search from some sleep. To look for clues in my dreams.
Averal, Von, Linda, Milo,"Dumb"...Thanks to all of your philosophical encouragements, and smiles that cheer me up for these long period of lost confidence.

My day concludes..NO
The Chapter Concludes.

A new chapter begins
-In Search Of The Long Lost Spirit

"A leader is not one who do things right, but one who finds the right things to do."-Bernard Tan

2005-09-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

Bro forced my to work for him this Saturday. Crap...i guess i cant turn my back on him now. Let's just get it over with soon, and i will just have to find time to study as much as i can.
Then why the hell am i still wasting time blogging here?

Went visiting other blogs a while ago.
Went to keith's then to Junyang's, then Wendy's.

Kinda surprised that Wendy actually linked me in her links of her own blog. We don't actually talk to each other much. Well, we seriously have nothing to say to each other.

Junyang have left his blog stagnant for some time now. It has been July since his last entry. Haha...

Oh yes, i also visited Serene's blog, though i dunno her at all.
That song in her blog was kinda...erm...
Well anyway, the whole blog was a little gothic..a little devilish. But the song kinda chills you off for a moment.

Keith's blog song disappeared. Haven heard that song in ages. I also wonder how is his progress with his new eye-candy..I mean, last time she was, now she no longer is simply just an eye-candy.

My world seems to be shrinking. Something in me just keeps on bugging me...I tend to get fed up over almost anything that happens around me.
Especially my face..i actually have the tendency to simply tear it apart. I guess my transition might not turn out to be a good one after.
I only hope after promo this situation of mine will change...i dun wan to become worse..
Averal...help me man...something's wrong with me.

Ok...i need to get cracking...If i dream too long i m afraid it will just lead me to madness.
I must engage in work to keep my mind under control.

Today just isn't my day...But i still have to make full use of it...no other choice...

My day...concludes....

He shivered. He trembled. His muscles tensed up, his fist clenched tight. His rage grew, his emotions ran wild. He recollected the past...the lonely day at the shed...
Under the rain once more...this time, no shed, no shelter. The rain poured onto him, drenched him, and fanned his anger. He wasn't himself...he has totally lost his control of his sanity. Never have he thought a person who fears loneliness, now has succumbed to loneliness. He said to himself, "This Is Who I Am", as he walked towards nowhere in the cold, disheartening rain.

2005-09-13T19:17:00.000-07:00

What a day...haha.

Well, today aint so bad, had a good laugh with all my classmates. Especially Glenn who constantly amuses us with his Russell Peters antics.

However, Annie Tan was the mood spoiler today. Due to some complications, she gave the class a good lecture. I dunno if she was targeting just one person or not, but whatever it was, no one left the room happily.

Good thing the rest of the lessons was a breeze, except for physics, which bored me quite a bit.

I forgotten to bring my PW docs, and we almost gave up on today's meeting. good thing Eileen and Dinnie realised the docs werent really necessary. At least some things were done.
Well, we stayed till 5.30pm, and for a moment i thought i will be going home alone once more, just like always.

Surprisingly, Cheryl also stayed back for her EoM. Thus, i had a companion for some parts of the journey.
Her hair...erm...lolx...

Anyway, that's about all for today. Whatever that is gonna happen later is me staying up till late night to finish up my unfinished business, which is revision and PW.
Tonight, is the All Out Night. With that, My Day Concludes.

"Best stuffs happens during unexpected moments."

2005-09-12T19:02:00.000-07:00

TerrorHood.

Sorry guys, but as from now on..call me a Terror no more.
I'll no longer be the brother of you 2, only plain buddies.

Since the Terrorhood has been taken lightly, there's no point hanging on to it.
Knowing it is decomposing, i will make my move first to leave the Terrorhood, before the decomposition becomes too poisonous for me.

You both can still be brothers of each other, or can maintain a 2-man Terrorhood yourselves. Whatever happens, leave me out.
I understand my decision is a selfish one, but somehow i hope you both as buddies, will understand the point that everyone has their own feelings, which is one of the reasons why i wanna leave. Just like i said everyone has their own feelings, Hui has his own feelings towards the situation and towards her. Thus, the best thing i can do is make a decision good for him and good for me. Good for you too chee, as you no longer has to be so stressed up bout the distance we have between you, now that even if we are in the same school, we are only buddies, not brothers.
My feelings? I feel it is time for me to leave.

Terrors, to me, is only a momentary illusion, formed by the short-term happiness we all had that sprouted from our reunion.
Now, the illusion is gone, things start to reveal. It is a fantasy hard to make real.

Maybe when things get better, we will be brothers again.
But i know if i do this when the "time" comes, i might be taking the Terrorhood for granted. It is as if i am playing with a toy, pushing it when i don't want it, and hugging it when i miss playing with it.
Thus, when the "time" comes, if i am not accepted back, i will not blame anyone, for i know this is one of the expected consequence resulted from my present decision.

Averal, if you'll be reading this entry, i know you'll understand my feelings.

All the best to you guys, for we will be friends still. We always will be.

The rain poured,and the sky roared. He quickly took shelter under a small shed a distance away, the size not very much bigger than his own. The tired legs finally made him sit down on the cold, hard floor. He could hear the noises made by the raindrops strucking the roof. Rainwater accumulated and flowed off the shed's roof, falling onto the ground where his numbed legs are. He moved back quickly in response, only to realise there wasn't enough room to keep both his legs and body dry.In disappointment, he cuddled up and hugged his legs, resting his head upon it.He prayed that the rain will go away soon,while he whispered softly in the cold evening.
"I'm all alone..once more."

2005-09-08T19:30:00.000-07:00

Yawn...

Out of a sudden, i studied like mad these 2 days. And today, my morning was rather mad too before i started to play my games.

And i know tomorrow will be another mad studying day. Well, at least i am starting to study. I really wonder where the motivation came from..
I just feel like they came from nowhere, but i know there's definitely a reason for everything.
Lolx...so what if there's motivation when i haven even touched my maths promo tutorials?

Woke up not long ago...had all sorts of weird dreams again. I feel kinda wrong today...a little giddy.
Compared to yesterday, today is much worse off. That's because i got to talk to some of my friends yesterday.

Brotherhood? I shan't write about it in my entry today. What's the freaking point? It's all the same. Woke up and interestingly found that they have syncronized their nicks.
Haha..Terror idiots we all are.
That idiot haven blog for some time now.

"Forever last only for a short period of time". How true...

No further content now. Writing more of such stuffs will only make the entry more uninteresting.

My day..never concludes.

"A person truly learns how to treasure when he loses something. But when he posseses back what he have lost, he doesnt treasure it just like before."

2005-09-06T15:44:00.000-07:00

Another early blog today. That cause i aint writing bout today.

First, i'll talk about my face...
I just cant stand the pimples..mans...i have cut down oily food intake...i wash my face...apply pimple cream and for a period of time last 2 weeks there were very very very little acne bags on my face.
Out of a sudden, they came out full force once more...

Very fed up, so today i decided to give my face a good wash. Manage to come across a bottle of skin and facial cleansing liquid. I remembered i used to use it when i have rashes and it worked well. Since it is also for the face, no harm trying. Wonder if it will work this time..
Argh...stupid face...

Had physics lesson today. All the same once more....everyone hoped that time could pass by faster and end the boring lesson. Nothing much to talk about.

Sigh..i really miss you..

Don't wish to talk much about the Terrors. Seeing the tag board is more than enough for an entry.

Haha, out of a sudden, i thought about Xue Fen. During the first three months when everyone was studying, i was working in this shop that provides for kids stuff. It's called Kids Inc.
Well, i was a part time party organizer there, and XueFen was one of the part timers called down during parties to help me.
I shared all my little secrets with her, and i trusted her lots, because she was many years older than me...she's in university.Cool eh?
Hope she's doing fine.

And i aint gonna forget those punksters in Kids Inc that i worked with.
Namely: YaoGuang, Alvin, Cheryl, PeiPei, LiYi and somemore.
I hope they are all doing fine.

NCC boys going spec course these few days. I definitely hope they will do well.

That's about it. My day concludes.

"Still in the transiion period. Haven met anything that indicated a sign of change."

2005-09-05T14:45:00.000-07:00

Ahh...back to my own little world of blog once more. After so long of absence from blogging, i'm sure i have lots to write about.
Thus, this entry will not be dedicated to just today.

My last entry was a sad one. Lets hope the events recalled in this entry won't be the same.

The start of the 1 week holidays had began last saturday, simply 2 days ago.
Thing is...everyone is aware this is no holiday. I must make good use of this period of homestay to study.
How do i start...hmm...shut myself from the stupid games. Then i will be able to move on.

Family
Family has been doing fine recently. GuanYin have really answered my prayers to bless my family good health.
But i really hope they are.
Few days ago, bro came back home giving me a surprise-A Mp3 player, MuVo slim 256mb.
Though it might not be the ideal one that i hope for, i am contented enough to have this mp3. At least i won't have to walk around with so many wires here and there with my discman.
Can't store much songs, but most of my favourites are already in there.
Few days ago, i set up a Chinese Chess formation and with my own means, i managed to take a picture with Milo, such that it is as if he was playing a game of chess with me.
One of my favourite pictures right now...haha.

Friends
People in the school are all getting uptight about the exams. My classmates are of no exception. All of them really "chiong". Peer pressure is what i face from seeing them like this. how can i not respond?
Like Junyang said "Secret training". Lolx..
One thing for sure is that most of them are living well...FOR NOW...
There are some who seem bothered..i tried to help, but it seem they didn't really need any.
Whatever it is, if i can help, i will help as much as i can.

I have been talking to Averal(refered to as Aver) recently in MSN. It was really interesting to talk to her as we had lots of things to share. Strangely, she puts quite some trust in me. I swear never to betray it.
Thanks to her, much of my long time troubles have been resolved. If not solved, the solutiuon would have been pointed out by her. I really mean long time troubles...such as "Hybrid". It seems she understood that more than my brotherhood does.

I wonder how Linda and Von and many other of my close ones are doing. I hope they are doing fine. Whether they will be reading this entry or not, i want to say to them "All The Best, You Are Not Forgotten!!"

Terrors
Haven heard from Cheeleong for some time now. There isnt any difficulty in contacting him, but sometimes one can be lazy enough to just send a message and ask "how are you".
I m sure he is doing fine. Because if he is not, he will definitely let me or his friends know.
Hui? All i can say is he has been much worried bout his girlfriend...so much that he have already forgotten he has sworn brothers. As brothers, the least i can do is not to give him anymore pressure regarding the brotherhood, as he already has lots with his relationship.
Even if he does not have any pressure from his relationship, he still has to worry about romancing the relationship. So be it troubled or not, he won;t have time for the Terrors.
Such is the destructive power of love..when it cannot be controlled properly.
Good luck...

Love
I wish to see you, but i know seeing me is the last thing you will ever want to do.
Sigh...I fear even just Smsing you would irritate you...
Well...fate...

That's about it folks! Isnt so bad eh? haha....hope the days ahead will be better.

All right..got a battle with promos and time to fight. My Day concludes!

"You are still in the transition period, so it takes time."

2005-08-29T21:03:00.000-07:00

Feeling better after a few days.
They both are finally one.

Nothing much to write about.

Too much coffee today. Morning breakfast 1 cup, break time 1 can, lunchtime another can.
Feeling terrible. Learnt my lessons. Only have 1 can a day.

PW very bad. Time to do as much as i can. Lead this Thursday's meeting for Feng. Try to do a better one. No excuse for any absence.

Donated 10 bucks to the Heartcore club's event. Too generous?

...

Terrors...distancing?
Not much time together.
Even if there is, focuses are all elsewhere.
Guess Vybrix just needs more time to get used to the new perception of the surroundings.

Can't think of what i left out for my to-be-done tasks. Too drained after one day.
But much is learnt.
Home not too conducive.

Still feeling terrible...feels like my stomach is jumping out anytime. Must finish up my stuff soon and have an early rest.
Hope tomorrow won't be like this, or else i will go home.
Who cares..anyway...

...
Day concludes.

"Questions are not hard. It is working hard that is hard."

2005-08-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

In hating one, you failed to love one.
In bothering what does not matter to one, you failed to bother what matters to one.
In despising one, you failed to see the strength of one.
In being angry for one, you failed to be happy for one.
In doing evil for one, you failed to do good for one.
In disappointing one, you failed to do proud to one.
In losing one, you failed to have one.

What if the "one" is yourself?

Even if it is someone else, would you want others to do the same to you?

Start cherishing. Start letting go of what caused you pain.

2005-08-25T17:54:00.000-07:00

25th August...A day in my life that is of mixed feelings.

It's so fast...it's already 25th august and the end of this month is approaching soon. Imagine 6 days later whereby my concession expires..it felt just like yesterday when i renewed my concession.
And imagine the major exams will approach just as soon...and i am still left with lots of things to catch up. But i believe i can, as long as i m determined.

Felt kinda happy today being able to help my friends. Like for example i helped Jac collect lecture notes as well as bought an eraser for her, then helped her cheat a bit in the Chinese test today. Also helped Kim Boon buy fruits during break time. All these little things mean a lot to me...especially the smiles i receive.
Not forgetting that today i found a way to keep myself awake during lessons...which is drinking Nescafe Mocha. Surprisingly, it really kept me awake for a few hours before i felt tired again. But these few hours of staying awake made me learnt a lot of things. So happy that i no longer have to feel sleepy in school.

Sigh...tomorrow's my GP presentation...i m afraid i might just screw things up.

Somehow, some of the people around me are making me worried. Like for example, Irene seems sick today, and she is so quiet...not like her usual self. Keith too have blocked nose. I hope they get well soon.

Buddy and Xiaoyan seem to have gotten into some complications...i was going into the aquarium when i saw the both of them, but only saw their back views, so i didn't know that their facial expressions aren't very pleasant. I smack my econs TYS on Bud's back, only to realise almost immediately from both their faces that something has gone wrong between both of them. I never disturbed them both after that.
Sent Bud 2 smses, but he didn't reply. I understand why he didn't. A person in bad mood wouldn't have any feeling of replying any unimportant smses.

But i know that they will be all right soon. Hopefully they can resolve the problems as soon as possible, before a spark burst into flames.

Everyone's looking so glum...work stuff...relationship stuff...health stuff...i really think that they should go get some Nescafe Mocha and keep themselves alive and awake so that they won't feel so bad..If they are willing to be happy after drinking, i don't mind giving a few treats you know?

It's really worrying...too many things to worry about..
I have brothers and friends to worry about...i have workload(lots somemore...) to worry about...i have family to worry about...
But i guess the only way out is not to run away, but tackle them, one by one.
Determination is the key remember?

My face just wouldn't get better..Is it some kind of punishment to have so much acne under my skin?

Nevertheless, i always have people behind me to support me.
Namely, Buddy Guan, Buddy Chee, Xiaoyan(who surprisingly helps me when she can), Linda, Von, Averal, Huixian. You guys are by far the greatest people in my life. Keep it up Yo!

Without further ado...HUH? I am ending, not starting!

Lolx..My day concludes.

"i dunno what to say...i just want everyone to be all right."

2005-08-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

So many weeks never Blog and Write Diary le Lar!!!!

Lolx..relax relax...no big deal...just blog as often as u can from now on k? haha.

Today is one of the most enjoyable HnF sessions that we all had. Why? I'll talk about it later.

School today is as boring as usual. Especially maths lecture, i basically slept off till there was something to copy and Dinnie woke me up to copy the stuffs.
Haaa...now PE lessons is no longer a boredom session when i have not much people to talk to. Now i m basically sticking around with GuanHui for Pe lessons.
And great...tomorrows the submission of the EoM..Haiz...

Hmmm...Bro gave me details of the job offer this coming saturday today.
Details: Bring civillian clothes to school, As soon as this saturday's lecture ends, take cab from SRJC to choa chu kang(cab fare will be covered) and must arrive at destination before 11am. Job will be to tend to funfair stalls and issue prizes accordingly. Must be enthusiatic and fun loving. Job is about 4 to 5 hours, with a pay of $5o for the whole session, starting from 11am.

However, many of my classmates have found other programs...JunYang will be going for LuFeng's Church concert, Melvin cannot make it this saturday and thus Dennis don't want to join.

I have 3 confirmed guys with me currently: Me myself, William from my HnF club and Keith from my own class. I need another 3 people...Hopefully XiaoYan and her friend Serene will be able to join this saturday..it will saves me tonnes of misery. Really hope her answer tonight is that she will be going.

HnF today was really fun. Even Cheryl said that compared to other meetings, today was the best.
Basically, we played games(finally after such a long time). We played 2 games: One which is Captain's Frisbee and the childhood Ice and Water.
Captain's frisbee is the same as Captain's ball, just that we replaced the ball with a frisbee to increase the challenge. It was really fun, everyone doing their best to make sure the opponent team does not have the frisbee. The game ended with a 5-5 score. A draw between both teams.
How i hope there will be more of such sessions, which kinda show the real HnF and how HnF should be.
Then followed by Ice and Water. It works just like the one we always play when we were in primay school. Not only fun was experienced, everyone ran really hard to escape capture. In the end, all of us ended up panting. Haha, killed 2 birds with one stone, cause there was fun and laughter, as well and Physical training from all the running.
XinYi's our motivator today. Something just got into her head and she is so HIGH today. She even led the warm up session with "yays" and "Long Live!".
HuiXian said a teaser and brought in a new word called "Hipapaleya". This word brought tonnes and tonnes of laughter just by mentioning it.

A pity...this Friday should have been an outing but it seems a little too late to start planning for an outing only today. Maybe next week or something then.

Ahh...what a nice day...but thinking of the stuff i still have to do....it gets kinda bored. But whatever it is, HnF had fun today, and hopefully we can maintain this.
Gotta find more people for the job offer...

My Day Concludes Happily and Fruitfully.

"It is not the fault of the members that HnF caused me so much unhappiness. Today i realised, they are instead the reason for me to stay on."

2005-08-11T21:28:00.000-07:00

Bloody idiotic Angel(Guan Hui)....call my badge KUKU Ah!! Never Die before ah....

haha...anyway, some days never bloggie le...not very free la...well...

Anyway, lots to write down today, especially past few days.

It's kinda funny how "Terrors" came about. The "Terrors" actually refer to the 3 of us..GuanHui(angel), Cheeleong(devil) and me Junsheng(hybrid of angel and devil).

It started when Cheeleong casually remarked the reunion of the 3 terrors of NCC Damai. After i saw his remark, i felt that Terrors sounded rather cool.
"Terrors Sworn to Justice".

So i decided to call ourselves the Terrors. Anytime we refer to the Brotherhood, we call ourselves the Terrors. As close as brothers we are, no matter how far apart we may be.
Yes, please do not mix up the "hybrid of angel and devil" with my nickname VeotexHybrid, whereby both "Hybrid" means different things in these 2 cases. The Terrors knows what i am talking about.

Rather busy with my work and CCA these few days...Especially when my CCA teachers are pressing me like i am an escaped convict. I am really trying my best.

But yesterday is worth talking about. The Terrors went to the Guan Yin temple at Bugis to pray, along with Xiaoyan, whom Cheeleong refers to as the "goddess".
Though she isn't part of the Terrors, we still regard her as "The Witness Of The Terrors Brotherhood".
She was there with us during our praying, thus she got this title as Witness.
I don't know what they prayed about, but i definitely prayed for my friends and family, as well as the Brotherhood.
Xiaoyan and Angel Hui left soon after, but not before we took photos near Sim Lim.
I framed one of the photos up, putting it up on the top of my computer.

"The Terrors and the Witnessing Goddess".

Finally today, nothing really much i can say, except me going after payment from all participants. My deadline's on monday...poor me.

HuiXian's sick...i kinda feel guilty that i m pushing her so hard when she has both PW and HnF to handle but yet always hanging on, as well as asking me to hang on. I won't give her any more work for now till she gets better.

The Terrors shall never be separated again. Spirits as One.
My Day Concludes.

"GodProtector, VeotexHybrid, Toheaven-The Terrors"

2005-08-08T14:10:00.000-07:00

Aint blogging much today...And i will blog early today.
Today just isn't a day to be happy about...Especially when my mood swings are getting worse by the days...I m going crazy...

National Day...went up the stage....wore my badge.....bowed....left. Nothing really significant.

Then we all had HnF farewell party for the J2s. Well, we had a good laugh there with a couple of jokers. My momentary mistake caused 3 of my members to search the rubbish dump. Well, promised to treat them something another day.
Overall was fun...but after it, it soon wasnt.

Protector's sick today. His beloved went to his house to watch over him. Looks like i am not having any Gunbound today. Anyway...i am sure he would want to spend time with Yan more than he wants to spend time with us...
C'Mon, that's the norm. I was like that last time.

Dunno what to do for the rest of today. Tomorrow have some small activities, and Wednesday the Terrors will head for the temple at Bugis.

My mood's getting worse...Cant feel happy, cant feel sad...or even feeling the wrong emotion at the wrong time.
So many things are happening...My grandpa...my friends...my work...my responsibilities...everything.
But are they truly the cause? It seems that having back what i have lost isn't making a big difference in my life...which i hope is not the case.

Anyway...i shall write more in my diary...

"Hybrid: Don't trust them...!"
"Veotex: Trust Them!"
"Hybrid: They will betray you once more for LOVE.."
"Veotex: They have NEVER betrayed me..you are the one that caused me to make mistakes"
"Hybrid: Idiot...You are a Fool!"
"Veotex: I am the JS they know...not YOU..I am not losing my friends anymore!"
"Hybrid: Well then lets see which is the JS they knew all along...YOU..or ME...."
"Hybrid: And don't cry when you realise i am the one..."
"Veotex: Even if it is you...they will know what to do.I trust my brothers."

2005-08-06T18:48:00.000-07:00

Brotherhood.
The first day the Terrors exist. Today.

Well, woke up kinda early this morning wanting to give my dear buddy some moral support, only to realise i reached school earlier than he did -_-"

Anyway, he did come later, but it was also when i had to exit the place as requested by the level head of Economics.

Today is Econs Alive event. 5 classes, 5 groups of students were given the privilege of going up the stage to present their research.
All the groups were great i can say, especially the winning group.
Well, even Protector's group did a fine job, though the presenters were all nervous.
As for my buddy, he did sound nervous. But i thought to myself that if it was me standing up there, i wouldn't have done a better job than he did. At least he humoured the crowd with "BATA".
LOLX...

Initially wanted to go to Heartland Mall to meet Huixian regarding some HnF stuff. However...duty calls, and i have to go with my friends to do some survey at Xinmin Primary school.
Upon arrival at the school, there were as few as only 10+ students.. Far too disappointing for a survey number. Even after Eileen and Keith went to the coffeeshop to do the survey, not much was completed.

A miracle befell us, when various primary school students went into Xinmin for tuition.
Lots of those students...so busy that we could hardly handle them. In the end, with some perseverence, we finished all our surveys.
I would also like to commend on Eileen. Today, she really proved to be a useful member of the group. All the kids seem to like her a lot and does a survey when she asks them to.
I will have never thought that Eileen actually loves kids. Never judge a book by its cover people!

The survey simply drained us of all the mortal power we have left. LuFeng and I basically just fell asleep in the bus, and me slept again when i reach home.
It was because of this, i missed my haircut at 5pm supposedly.

I am thinking of whether to go for badminton tomorrow with Shuling and company..
I have some work to do...but so do i wanna relax and take some time off for myself.

My pen...i left my favourite customized black pen in the school gym!!!
How can i ever be so careless!!!??? I must retrieve it no matter what.

I have plans on wednesday to visit the Guan Yin Temple with the other Terrors. Hopefully this time, the 3 of us will be able to offer joss sticks together.
I will have to talk to GodProtector regarding the timing. Sadly, his beloved won't be able to make it along with him.
But Thou Shall Not Worry, for the Terrors will pray for your good luck and hers.

Hey Cheeleongz, try not to call us 3 Terrors of "NCC DAMAI"...cause it sound so Opiang....
3 Terrors will do.

Now...all i want to do is to focus on my studies as well as the Brotherhood. Other things can come later... I don't wanna lose the Brotherhood, just like last time.

Before my blog ends, i shall re-emphasize on some of the leadership and life quotes i saw at the Econs Alive today. They are really meaningful and should always be beared in mind.

My day concludes.

"Stop Competing, Start Excelling. No one has to LOSE, For you to WIN."
"Leadership is achieving results through Others."
"BE the CHANGE you want in the world."

2005-08-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

I SWORE to blog today no matter what.

One of the happiest days of my life today. True happiness...some happiness much greater than those my dog has given me.

The story of Godprotector and Veotex...

After so many months whereby i have already accepted things...i finally found the courage yesterday to face Protector once again.
For so many months, i always thought he hated me... I am afraid that he might not wish to talk to me. Also, i felt ashamed to face him.

Today we met at the gallery. We started off asking each other if we were going on well with our lives..
We talked about our memories and many other things. All the happy memories that we had together.
It was also then, when he told me...he was afraid to approach me too, because he was afraid i hated him.

And today, we both realised, we did not hate each other at all.
I am finally able to accept him as my counterpart once more.
Seeing his blog last night, i couldn't help but admit that i weeped too when writing my previous entry.

We laughed...we chatted...we did catching ups...

I know, we shall always be as close as were always were last time..
This event today is one of the happiest events of my life. To be able to put down something so heavy in my heart truly makes me feel lighter and happier. For 3 months i never felt truly happy and i always tried to find a reason why so.

But all the time, i always never thought of this...that Protector is the reason why i never smiled.
Today, i finally smiled truly.

It feels kinda funny...it feels as if all the memories happened just yesterday. Because today, we had no air of doubt between the both of us.
I don't know about him, but i must say after so long of lost contact and a sudden reunion, i still trusted him. Trusting him even more than in the past.

Much have changed, but some things that i wanted to change never changed..my concern for this buddy of mine.
Or should i say...this Brother of mine.

Another Brother of mine met up with me at the Bedok interchange today to give me a belated birthday present...a small test tube with "Veotex" in it.
I promise to always attach the Acrylic and this Test Tube with me, on my pencil case or my bag or wherever it is. They are the most INDESTRUCTABLE stuff in the whole wide world.

My Day Concludes Fruitfully. My days ahead...shall no longer be like thepast few months.
A day of Reunion. And Reunion is my Pledge of Friendship...NONONONONO!!!
Reunion is my Pledge of Brotherhood.

"Protector: Can we be friends again?"
"VeotexHybrid: No."
"Protector: ...."
"Veotexhybrid: I will never want to be your friend. We can never be friends again."
"Protector: ...."
"Veotexhybrid: You know why this is so? You know why i don't want to be your friend?"
"Protector: ?"
"Veotexhybrid: Because i wanna ask you...can we be buddies instead?"
"Protector & Veotexhybrid: =)"

2005-08-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

People say "Never Look Back".

But, sometimes looking back isn't such a bad thing. As long as you do it right, you may even learn from the past, and at the same time know more about yourself, and why you were like that in the past.

Looking back...

It all started fresh..
But it ended sad.
Yet i know still, that there was no regrets.

It takes a lot of courage to talk to someone whom i will never ever wish to talk to again.
Why so do i wish for such a thing? Obviously it is some...complications.

Still remember those days when my younger godsis has a boyfriend. Some boyfriend she claims to have used her...lied to her.
We always thought she was right, that her Ex was a true jerk. Indeed he was a little...but in this world, who isn't? His case however...i can understand.

All thanks to my godsis, i realised the fate between me and the fellow comrade. Always in my impression as a Guardian, a "Protector".

The once lonely me who didn't trust many people and had NO best friends, finally opened my own heart to someone whom i know not as long as i know the others.

Between us came a girl. A girl i once loved.

Ever since, "Protector" and i went against the impossible. Never leaving each other behind in times of trouble. Never forgetting to share what joy we have together.
We braved storms, we braved rains, never believing that we would not overcome anything together.

Those were the days....the promises.
Wherever we were..whenever we were, we always synchronized. As if fighting as one.
He fights for me, while i think for him.
Never despising the fact that i am weak, he always regarded me as his counterpart, with strengths as good as his.

Somehow...i am as evil a person as i am a good one.
Jealousy...fear...hate...
Over-protective of the girl, i did things...that caused me to lose the both of them.
I could only in the end...do whatever i could...do my last...for the Protector.

Much time has passed, and i have realised how much i have gotten over.

2005-08-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

What a day...

Well, haven touched my blog for another few more days to count.
Same for my diary...i really didn't have the time to start writing something.

Aerobics Marathon coming in another 2 weeks time. Things are getting really rush...cause next week HnF won't be in school for any trainings.
I wanted to help tomorrow, but...i have another rehearsal tomorrow at 5pm.

Both my teachers in-charge are rushing me very badly. Couldn't even have a proper game of badminton with my friends. The same will happen for Friday i am sure.
Well, i won't think of badminton on Friday...the current event in our hands is getting rather busy.

I believe in sincerity and that sincerity always has its rewards.
Thus, today, in order to get people to join the Aerobics Marathon, i persuaded them with all that i had. I know if i just ask them and if they say "no" and i walk away, there will definitely be no results. I know i have to put in my best in getting even just ONE person.
And it happened today. Many individuals were approached and i tried my best to presuade them to join, despite they are only ONE out of our quota of EIGHTY. Well, one makes a lot of difference in the total. Everyone counts.

Our efforts paid off. I wouldn't dare to say credits go to me. Credits goes to all those who walked around the school to ask other CCAs to join this event. Huixian and Kaixin especially. Not forgetting the Vice-President Dennis.
I am also very grateful to the councillors who supported us with numbers. They sent 19 people to support the event.
I promised Isa before i went home that should the Council need help for any events, he can approach the HnF. I will be glad to return the favor.
Netball too. This netball girl Ming Hui whom i got to get acquainted with today will be one of the netballers joining this event. I strongly believe she won't be the only netballer.
Huixian pulled some strings with her tutor, who happens to be in charge of Rugby. According to Huixian, her tutor would be getting some Rugby players, girls and guys, to join this event.
Hopefully the response will be good.

There are too many people to thank....but as long as i know who they are, it doesn't really matter if i mention them in this entry.

Specially for Cheeleong: Thanks for scolding Lamer to that guy in the tagboard. Keep it Up!

Anyway, out of the eighty people quota, we managed to rally 28 people to confirm in the event.
9 whom are from various CCAs and my own classmates, as well as the remaining 19 councillors.
Hopefully more will take part.

Phew..what a day...My Day Concludes.

2005-07-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

1 day past my Birthday.

Somehow, at this moment, i felt kinda nostalgic...
All the memories and thoughts just come gushing into my head. I wouldn't just keep them all.
This is where i shall leave them behind.

After school today, i stayed back for a while for my PW and also the Student Leader's Commitee meeting. Well, on the 8th August, which is 1 day prior to National Day, i will be up on stage with about 70+ more people to collect our leadership badges. A background leader i am, and a background leader i shall always be.

After that, i went to see both my CCA teachers about Aerobics Marathon. Looks like i got more things to take care of now.
Being President's really hard, especially when you can't count on your comrades to do the work. They said they will do something, but they didn't in the end. The ultimate fault lies on me.
I guess it is time to call the instructor myself.

The meeting with the Teachers is really a mood spoiler. Did Ms Rivera really mean what she say? She actually said "That's why i say i dun wan to talk to you.." and blah blah blah.
HEY for goodness sake not everyone is clever in understanding things. I am just slow in comprehending what she was saying, does she have to make such a comment?
She said i put words into her mouth, but that isn't my fault right? I heard the "Information" from Michael, it is him who put words into her mouth, not me.

It all just kinda suck...why can't everybody just give me a bit more support and a bit more Smile? Why is Cheryl always looking so damn PISSED OFF about something? It kinda make me lose the focus to work! I just don't understand some people at times.
And why can't someone just sit down and listen to what problems i have and give some valuable comments instead of telling me to shut up and talk to the bloody wall? As if the wall could REPLY.

Sorry..but i just can't control my emotions. I just shout it out here...the only place where i can "shout" out loud.

Good thing Von, Averal and Linda are always there.
Especially Von, who never fails to cheer me up.

I guess everyone is doing fine. I met up with my Godsis Celesse today after my meetings. We went to Bedok Long John Silver to eat. We talked a lot and i tried to persuade her to remove all her "sticks" on her face. She didn't listen of course.
Everyone is doing very fine i can see. At least they're smiling.
Unlike me, who rarely smile "truly".
If i ever smile "truly", it would only mean my dog has done something hilarious again.

Still have lots and lots of things to do...Gimme a break.

It's kinda weird..i mean the feeling...the emotion is rather confusing, to have opened my blog and saw some unexpected comments on the tag board.
Some comments that i never think would appear. But it appeared.
I gave a reply on his own tag board, but only for a courtesy.

I withdrew the "Acrylic" from my Memory chamber. As i looked at it...the white and dark blue background with yellow words. I threw everything Yan gave to me down the rubbish chute, but only this particular Acrylic, i could not. Some sort weird force just keeps me away from the chute when i hold the Acrylic in my hands.
Plain looking at it, holding it's chain on my fingers, memories just come back. How everything started, how everything ended.
Whatever it is, i know the decision i made was a right one. It brought happiness to 2, rather than if i made the wrong decision, and cause pain to 3.

If i just had someone to support me and go through all these ordeals with me, then maybe i wouldn't feel so lonely tackling my school work and CCA.
But i guess i m all alone. And being alone means...i will have to overcome these alone.
At least i'll give it a try.

Hopefully, i can finally find the reason for me to smile again.
My Day concludes.

"I dropped, i smashed, i knocked it, but it just wouldn't break. The words in yellow just remained as it is.All that was damaged was not it, but my own fingers."

2005-07-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

26th July.. The special, yet fateful day of mine.

It has once caused me pain, but it has as well brought me happiness.

I started my day today rather glum. I didn't have much mood to smile, thinking of my day ahead won't be very good.
Indeed, the day in school is boring.

It all starts with me forgetting to wear my house t-shirt today. Kinda suck seeing everyone wearing and only me not wearing. Fortunately, i aint the odd one out. Many forgotten about it too.
Met Averal today. She was walking pass when she saw me and shouted "Happy Birthday!" to me.
I shouted back "Thank You" of course. It sure feels great. That kinda made up a good morning for me.
Then i checked my SMSes and realised i received 2 of them. One from bro and one from Celesse, my long lost Godsister who surprisingly still remembers my Birthday. She SMSed me to say Happy Birthday to me, so did my brother.

Sadly, it is also today when i made a decision... Some decision...i will note it down in my diary, not here. I just know that's not the Right person. It isn't fate at all, just plain coincidence.
Imagine when she didn't approach me at all..Of all people..why must it be her being like this.

Life must go on.

Anyway, I skipped the last 2 lessons of Physics. I really couldn't absorb any more stuff and i already started to doze off during Cox's lesson. Imagine i'll snore during his tutorials.
Went for some beancurd with ZhengZe. His treat!
I also takeaway 2 bowls of beancurd for my parents.

On my way home, i felt rather lonely once more. Well..it was really lonely. I tried to find a reason to smile, but i couldn't.
Finally, when i reached home, i saw something that did not give me a reason to smile, but managed to make me smile.
What is it? Haha...My dog, Milo's face. That "ENTHUSIATIC" and "GUNG-HO" expression of his makes me smile. I just can't help it, he is really too funny. I guess my dog's still the best cheerleader.

I went online and met Linda, who approached me when she saw me. We chat a lot and there she is comforting me once more. I can't believe it that she remembers all the silly things i did when i was in sec 1 and 2. She still remembers them well and did not my my actions silly at all.
Haha, and she is planning to have a class gathering, which i will be helping in.
She made my day too.

My Aunt's asking me out for lunch this saturday. Manz i m going for sure.

Anyway, that concludes my Birthday. Hopefully i won't get into any trouble with Andrew Cox...

2005-07-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

Lets bloggie people!!

Haha..haven touched my blog for some time now. Haven really got the content to do so. Somehow, recent events allowed me to write down something.
Frankly, even my Diary hasn't been updated. I will update it some time.

Recent events? All i can say is...nothing much is good about them.

The whole of last week wasn't very pleasant. Started with pathetic attendance for HnF on wednesday, then some conflicts with Miss Rivera(which apparently has been resolved).
Friday just got better, but not MUCH better.

Friday..
Mr Goh appointed 6 people to usher the guests attending the canoeing meet.
What happened in the end was we ushered parents instead of our main group of people, the Principals.
I felt truly redundant. Maybe i should have just stayed in school. Well, at least i got to make some new friends, especially Shaun and Baby.
We came back to school and i immediately had a game of badminton with Ms Rivera. 2 vs 2, Miss Rivera and another girl, me with another Basketball girl who apparently wasn't very good in Badminton. We lost, as expectedly, but at least we scored well.

HnF was a little boring..initially. Cheryl...she just has that sad and "pissed-off" look that got to my concern. In the end, she told me she is all right. True or not, i will never know. I just hope she no longers looks like this...it's really hard to work with people with black faces.

On the night just before Friday, i had a bad nightmare. For so long she never came to my thoughts and memory, but out of nowhere, she appeared in my dreams, saying things that i will never ever want to hear again.
Come to think of it, the discussion on the radio between 2 DJs which i heard on Thursday night made sense. They said that Dreaming indicates youth, be it daydream or natural dreams.
The more you dream, the younger it means. But it is wrong, as said by one of the DJs. He said that it is because you are getting OLD which is why you dream. You have many unresolved regrets and recollections that is why you dream.
I guess i am old..too.I seriously hope i do not have to dream about her on the night before my birthday, or it will be another BAD Birthday like last year. Last year's birthday is already a bad nightmare.

3 more days...I just keep my fingers crossed. Ironic...everybody looks forward to their birthdays with excitement, whereas i am here keeping my fingers crossed with fear..something she can never compensate.
And it's all thanks to her.

Parent's day today. Also means a Bad Day.
I do not wish to elaborate why, but i would say it is not because of the results, but because of the Teacher, and the People. Yes, i really do mean "People".

Headache...what are my days ahead gonna be like?
When will there be a change of tides?
Have i truly encountered the "thing" that has been awaiting for me in SRJC?
Being President? or whatsoever?
I guess it is just not yet time up.

My troublesome week Concludes.

"Care not about how others do, but do better than yourself everyday, and you are a success"

2005-07-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

An entry specially for Von.
Ya la ya la, she want one LONG one about her la...
Well, frankly speaking, she does deserve a long one. Wish to know more about her? just click on the "Von" link in my Links section.

An entry, to my special friend...Yvonne.

I looked back at how everything, how the friendship between me and Von started.
We were both lower secondary school students then...During one fateful Kelong(fishing village in indonesia) trip, she was also invited,along with her family, by my Aunt.
Me, and 3 cousins, Von and her brother Gary thus started our friendship. The first time i met her, i always thought she was an intelligent girl. She was really good with card games. Even till today, she remains an intelligent person to me.
After the trip, we were then separated, never to contact each other again. But everytime when i hear my cousin Shun tell me, that Von still ask about me at times, i can't help it but feel guilty for not remembering her as much as she remembers me. I would always tell Shun that if he ever meets Von again he must help me tell her that i am doing fine.

For about 2 or 3 years we lost contact. Fatefully, during the national day of my Sec 4 life, the whole family was invited to my Aunt's place for a BBQ. It was then, when we finally met each other again. She has changed a lot. At the BBQ, i felt rather shy to approach her to ask about her...but eventually, i still went to talk to her, seeing her sitting alone on one bench, looking sad. I knew i must never lose contact with her, thus i got her email and also her HP number.
From then on, we never lost contact and has watched each other get on with our lives.

O'levels ended, and i was introduced to a job in Kid's Inc in Great World City. I worked there for about 3 or 4 months in total. After 1 month of work, some interesting thing happened. While i was taking an escalator up to return to work from after my lunch break, i saw a familiar girl, with hair tied up and working as a waitress in Crystal Jade restaurant. We looked at each other for a moment, and smiled as we recognized each other. Since then, she often came to Kid's Inc to look for me, since we were working on the same floor. I always told her my problems and she did so as well, as if being each other's counsellor. I still remember one day in Kid's Inc she came and we sat in the cafe at the back of the shop. We took crayons and did lots of doodling on the piece of large majong paper used for covering the tabletop. That piece of Artwork still remains in the deepest of my secret memories chamber.

Come to think of it, we used to quarrel a lot last time when we first met. But now we have became very good friends. Though we still quarrel over small personal stuff these days, i will always give in to her, knowing her ferecious and defensive nature(This is a FACT!!! she sure is gonna say "wa u bad sia" when she sees this).

She also has a sad love story of her own, after which i really sympathized with her and admired her loyalty to her once beloved. One day in MSN, i told her some things which she said she managed to "awake". I don't know if credits goes to me, but i feel happy that she has ever since that day in MSN, gotten over her past.
During my most down beaten and sorrowful moment months ago before i started studying in JC, she picked me up from my despair and thus was one of the key reasons why i revived my blog.
From then, i was determined she is my listener.

I promised to write her a testimonial. Ever since i started JC education, i didn't had time and mood to write one for her. But a promise is a promise, and therefore i wrote her a proper testimonial months ago.

I visited her blog occasionally and realised the friends she has and thought i aint any of her special friends. Especially for the recent 3 months whereby we haven talked to each other. She always thought i was busy, and i always thought she was away, as her MSN status is always away when she is online. This has resulted in the loss in contact for a long time, making me feel that i have indeed being forgotten.

Surprisingly, she wrote me a testimonial, the second one, asking me how i have been doing, just 2 days ago. After seeing her testimonial, i told myself that i WILL talk to her no matter what when she comes online. Lucky enough, she came last night and there we started catching up with each other.

Today, she once again comforted me in some stuff that occured to me. I also realised she has wrote about me in her blog in yesterday's entry. It was the longest thing she ever written about me.

I am proud to have her as my friend, and i shall always be there for her, just like she was there for me. This is our Pledge of Friendship, and shall never be broken, for eternity.

"Once a counsellor, always a counsellor."

2005-07-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

Wa Kao EH!!
As good as 10 days haven blog liao.
Well, i haven got much mood and chance to blog..cant blame.

Here i am, resuming what i am supposed to do. Well, what's the point of having a BLOG when you don't even BLOG. What's the point of changing blog layouts when you don't even blog the proper things? Might as well just dump it right?
I will always stick to this picture. I kinda love the way VeotexHybrid exist in this picture.
Most important, how significant this word means to me. Very few people in the world knows what it means.
Surprisingly, Averal's one of them.

All i can say is nothing pleasant has happened over the few days of my absence.
Good things doesn't happen as much as bad things.

Some good things are like i have became the President of my CCA.
But..it is something i aint very proud about after what happened today. I wouldnt elaborate, because it has already been written in my personal Diary.

Last Saturday i went for the leadership seminar. I'm really lucky to be capable enough to go.
Sadly, the course wasn't as interesting as i thought. Except for the part when Eunice, the nominated MP, came to our school to give a speech.
Manz...she is not just pretty, she's also very humourous! I just like the way she jokes about some things.
Even Mr.Philip Tan was mesmerized...yea..."mesmerized".
The course wasn't totally useless. I did learn some important things that i am determined to keep in my mind.
Now, i am a member of the newly erected Leader's Council. Just a member, not those central commitee kind of people.

Days before that and after that aren't really worth mentioning, unless the readers here want to know how bad my days gotten.

However, today was a day of significance. In a good, and a bad way.
Bad way as in...eh..i failed both the papers i got back. Good thing i did not fail badly but made some improvements.
But who cares? I still failed and the fact remains!
I expect to be failing another 2 papers. GP and Maths. All i can say is i have done my best. Maybe i haven practiced enough.
Good way? It is to do with JunYang's Tarot card fortune telling.
This is the second time i tried it out. The first time wasn't really accurate.
However, this time it seemed to have hit quite a number of things on the right spot.
I concentrated a question into the deck of cards. Without telling JunYang what question it was, he was able to(not knowing also) give me an explaination of the thing that i asked for.
Amazing...and i decided to reflect upon some of the advices given to me by the cards.
Hope it helps.

Oral's 2 days away. I am speechless.

...I just hope my days ahead will be much better.
My day concludes.

"I will make a difference, and i am counting on you guys."

2005-06-30T03:36:00.000-07:00

Wa kao eh, six days never blog liaoz...

Anyway, here i am, back to bloggie again. Due to some circumstances, i haven been able to blog recently.
Probably due to the exams and some other stuffs too.
Well, not much happened anyway. So there's no point blogging in just a few lines saying hi and bye.

I uninstalled my Half Life 2 and the various games that goes with it. This is to force myself to stick to studies.
I have been rather distracted by the games and i am always tempted to play "a few" games before i start work.
No more...now i shall have no other choice but to study as i will be too lazy to install them all back.
Maybe i will install during my free time when there is no work to be done(which is hardly or never the case).

School started just a few days ago. Unfortunately, the first day is already a big unlucky event.
I went to school but on my way i had to turn back home. I felt rather giddy when i reached the bus stop where i take bus 25, but i mistook bus 26 as 25 and just took it without knowing.
After i realised i was way off course(after some time), i got down the bus and tried to walk to the nearest bus stop that can take me to school, but halfway i felt giddy and almost couldn't make it anymore. I had to take a cab home in the end.

What's weird is that for some time i managed to find my happiness and i have been able to get through my days happily with no worries.
However, recently, before the school started, i started to revert back to my old self.
Strangely, i preferred listening to sad and slow songs on my Discman than happy ones. Smiling was a hard thing to do, unless i am with my friends and companions. Or else, when i am alone, i find it hard to be happy. Not because i am lonely, but...something just makes me feel down and weak.
Hopefully this symptom will go off as soon as possible...life sucks this way.
Or is it...Hybrid?

Tomorrow's my last paper. The paper i fail no matter how much i study(for now, thats the case).
Physics. I don't seem happy at all despite it being the last. Probably because tomorrow i still have to stay back for PW, and also going home in that weird and hard-to-feel-and-find-happiness self.What's done has to be done. I will just have to stay back.
Mr Dominic Lai told me yesterday that next wednesday's HnF meeting is very important as we will all be carrying out an election of the various posts. I don't wish to say much, just like i am not enough prepared for such a day.
Good thing tomorrow i do not have to go to school early in the morning. My paper's in the afternoon.

Very tired...i m gonna take a nap after this, before i resume my studying.
Hopefully, my dreams in the short nap can tell me something about what's wrong with me.
My day concludes.

"who's that weird girl? Well...she don't look too bad...But she's weird!"

2005-06-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

SHINE!!

Lolx....okok enough of that.
I wanted to blog about my camp but i haven got the mood to do so these few days.
Since ZhengZe wants me to blog, then blog lor..
NOTZ!!! lolx

Anyway, here's what happened during my camp.

It started on Sunday, 19th(kinda weird right? but they had a reason to do so).
Right smack in the morning comes my first unlucky event...Mum FORGOTTEN to wake me Up!!!
However, also Right smack in the morning i got my first lucky event...i set my handphone alarm the night before. Phew...wasn't late.
Well, actually i am allowed to go late, but it is a form of respect to the camp and my CO.
The morning was kinda boring. The cadets went to the reservoir to help out in some kind of event. I wasn't needed, so i went back to school with some other sec 4.
In school, i saw the logistic department people packing the room, as well as tidying up the boots that has been kept too long.
It was then when i realised the room was more than equipped to give me a set of NCC uniform to wear for the 3 days.
I returned 1 out of 2 sets of my uniform before my o'levels, and they are still intact in the logistic room.
They were rankless....heh heh...my Ex CLT Nicky brought his old CLT rank for me.
I slotted the ranks on the shoulder amulet holder for my uniform.
The room supplied me with boots that is really in good condition(as if new), gutters, socks and beret.
Thus, i m once again part of NCC(for only 3 days that is..). CO Edwin Cho allowed, and also wanted me to wear those gear, and also instructed the cadets that i will be addressed as "Sir" during the camp. WOOOHOOO!!
Well, he said it was an internal promotion..haha...but well, it is still a fact the rank are fake. My true rank is only a Master Sergeant. But who cares? At least i have the honour of being a Cadet Lieutanent for 3 days right?
We then had our treasure hunt cum nightwalk. It really IS a tiring thing being a clue..the LAST clue somemore of the whole game, with everyone chasing after you for the clue that i possesed.

Monday night we PARTY!!! Eat, play computer and have fun while the cadets are all sleeping...
Haha...price has to be paid though. The seniors have been entrusted with the responsibility of night patrol duty. I slept at 4am, and woke up at 4.45am, thanks to Nicky.

That is why, 20th june monday, i was very very tired and i slept simply the whole morning away. Even after lunch, i slept for another 2 hours.
Haha, but due to this, i recharged myself for the rest of the day, especially the night duty.
Must never forget my old friend Cheeleong, who came at this night to bring the specialists food and drinks. As helpful as he always is.
He left not long after, but it was altogether fun.

Then here comes the fateful sentry night we all had. Other than NCC having camp, library, modern dance and Guzheng came as well. Modern dance and Guzheng had a joint nightwalk.
Haha...ChorSeng(a capable sec 4 junior) must be very happy as his Galfriend is part of it too.
Well should i say, much of the girls who are friends with the Sec 4 boys are here in the camp.
SITUATION!! HongYi, a modern dnace girl fainted. Hero YiHao(another capable sec 4 junior) carried her back to her resting area. However, he didn't quite make it when he reach some distance. He asked me if he was a failure for not being able to carry her to the destination.
Well, in comparison to me, i don't even have the courage to carry a girl like him. I m the real failure. So don't be sad ok YiHao?

The Modern dance and Guzheng's joint nightwalk started at 11pm. I was at that time bathing and relaxing. My duty started at 12am, and before that everyone involved in the sentry geared up. The light sticks supplied by YiHao was our signal.
My partner was WeiZhi(capable, but a bit Sicko). The nightwalk by the other 2 CCA were going on still, so our presence sort of "spoilt" their game. What to do? Safety is what our CCA is always upholding.
Walking around the "Lightless" school, thanks to the nightwalk where all the lights were turned off.
Frankly speaking, though i have done many sentry in school last time and with a partner this time, i still feel a little creepy at times.
But, no choice, for the safety of the school, we all had to explore the darkest corners.

SITUATION!!
Neighbourhood complained to the police that our school is making too much noise.
Police came to our school, and our CLT Nicky with me and WeiZhi, intercepted the police who walked into our school.
They praised the sentry people as Alert and wanted us to stop the ruckus for them, and they left.
And now what? NCC doing things not in our job scope of sentry, but no choice.
The game did quieten down, but did not stop.
It was then we saw many people in the nightwalk game(girls they are..) so afraid of the dark despite being in pairs and kept on asking the NCC sentry to "escort them".
We did...but only a bit(shining torches for them aint too much eh?)
Another SITUATION!!
Some nightwalk pairs went missing...missing in SCHOOL????
The NCC sentry had to search for them. Another job not in our scope. But we still had to do it, because the other CCAs do not have enough manpower to deploy to search for them.
Good thing they were found, but not by us.

Conclusion? NCC always get the shit jobs and the credit never comes to us, only blames.
Like we did so much to ensure the safety of OTHER CCAs, and we were not recognized, but were blamed to have Spoilt their game.
Why not they do the freaking sentry themselves and see if they can take the darkness?
I am sure they won't dare to walk around in the dark like us.

21st tuesday.
Another tiring morning. I slept my way through while hearing the cadets doing their morning Taekwando.
Nothing much, except it was the last day being called "Sir".
SITUATION!!
A cadet came for camp! he was suppose to come at sunday but he came on tuesday!
No choice...even CO Edwin didn't know what to tell him or how to tell him.
He wanted me to tell him that he can go home anytime.
Of course i did, and i told him that his promotion is still hopeful if he performs well and comes regularly for training.
He was happy, and went home not long after. I reported back to Edwin and asked about the cadet's promotion. Edwin said "well he will not be promoted!" while he laughed.
NOW I AM A SINNER...

Thats all about it that happened.
The camp concludes.

2005-06-17T15:51:00.000-07:00

SHINE!!!
Shining day and night. Though my blog keeps Shining, i just love the song more and more each day.
Right ZhengZe? Lolx...wonder if he will be reading this entry.

My entry today covers events from wednesday, only 2 days ago.

On wednesday, i went to school early in the morning at 8am to meet my PW group.
For what? PW la...
Well, again we had fun with Eileen again. Teasing her and things like that.
Whatever it was, we had a great time together doing the project. I don't know if eileen feels the same cause she was the victim, but i am sure Lufeng feels the same as i do :P

After the PW, i went home to change and headed to Bedok interchange to meet my HnF seniors for the outing at East Coast.
Sadly, very few JC1's turned up. Looking back, whats the whole freaking point of raising our hands to vote vote and vote for where we want to go or what we want to do, only to end up having a few people coming. I mean, even people who raised their hands to vote did not turn up. Responsibility-wise, i feel disappointed.
To heck with them, our outing wasn't drowned. We cycled while some did roller-blading. Some guys and gals came later in the afternoon to join us, but it was altogether a fun trip.
At night, around late 7.45pm, we played the popular truth or dare. Haha...guess what, i did 3 dares :0
Chiongster of the night...

Well, the most unfortunately event took place as we were about to leave. As i was standing up after the Truth or Dare, my left thigh cramped. The pain was really unbearable..
I sat down again while Michael, my HnF comrade, gave my leg a massage. However...haha...i forgotten to tell him that he was massaging the wrong place of my leg...Simply put, his effort went down the drain. Hey but i was really painful at the moment and i didn't bother right...
It recovered after a short 5 minutes. Limped my way home...

And therefore, on thursday, i stayed at home the WHOLE day to rest.

Today, i left home for school at 10am. On my way, Lufeng SMSed telling me he would be a little late.
I reached at about 10.45am, and met JunYang and 2 other of his group member coming later. He said Batman begins is a really good movie. Gotta watch it sometime.
Eileen did not turn up today as she had dental appointment. She says she would be wearing braces in 2 weeks time. God...what kind of monster will she become?
Dinnie, busy with council stuff, missed the meeting for the second time. Really got to update her sometime. WeeMiang was telling me he read my previous entries..lolx.
Went for lunch with ZhengZe and Lufeng at the nearby coffee shop. Heh Heh....LOTI PRATA!!
I ate 2 egg pratas. Very nice...
After that, we went for BEANCURD at Selegie...woot. The standard never fails me. Then i was there doing some story telling to ZhengZe about Half life's story.
"Once upon a time a hero named Gordon Freeman..."

Yihao SMSed me to ask me to bring my discman along during the camp. He will be bringing speakers and his own fully charged Zen micro. Really gonna party during the camp.

Well, that's about all for my recent few days.
Oh and yes...must never forget..

"loveyou"
Somehow, it just keeps feeling better and better seeing them like this.
At least on that fateful day, my sacrifice has not been in vain. It helped, though not much.
And also betraying my old time friend to leak information to them.
However, i would still want the present situation, where we no longer have any relation.
A sacrifice is a sacrifice.

My birthday is just about another 1 month away. However, i was prepared to spend it alone.
It falls on a tuesday. A school day.
Recalling the pain i caused to someone due to my birthday, i still fear that my birthday would cause similiar happenings to occur once more. Sort of a temporary phobia that i haven been able to overcome just yet.
I definitely hope my birthday this year will be a meaningful and happy one.

My day concludes.

"I'm no leader...i m just doing what i think i should do."

2005-06-14T18:00:00.000-07:00

Warning: offensive content in this entry. But...does it look like i give a damn?

I am proud to say, that those guys who were once my cadets have succeeded to greater heights than i have.

I went back to my secondary school today, taking a look at how NCC has been and also ask for permission to attend the camp.
I intended to get Yihao, one of my ex-cadets and now my good friend, to seek permission for me.
However, considering the period of time i have not being in contact with my Ex-CO, it would be better if i seek permission personally. I wouldn't want to get my friend into trouble for no reason.

It got me worried when i realised my CO, Edwin Cho, won't be attending training today.
Thus, i had to send him a SMS, which has expected less desired effects than seeking face to face.
Fortunately, he replied and the answer was "Ok".
Woot! I'll be attending camp and it is time for me to get wrong things that were not being able to be made right BE made right.

What disappointed me is that the total strength of NCC Damai has fell tremendously.
Part A, sec Ones, are already do to less than 15 at this point of time. Who knows how it will be like when it is Sec 3. I can no longer be surprised by the fact that Edwin wants to step down as a CO.

After the training, a few of us stayed behind and chatted about the supernatural stuff like ghosts and things like that, everyone with their own story to share.
Then the topic went to their internal problems. Internal "political" problem..some problems of communication among the fellows.
It was then when i shared my experience with them, about how everything went before i became the CSM.
One of the Ex-Cadets of mine, currently still in NCC in Sec 4, said that he and a few others have took me as their role model and tried to be like me, but they never achieved what they wanted.

After what he said, i realised how lucky i was, to have attained what i always wanted to be, just by sticking to my own set of principles: Honesty, Loyalty, Truth.
Honesty to admit your own mistakes. Loyalty to your CCA, Country and comrades. True to yourself and your conscience.
Though they did not achieve what they wanted but got SHIT instead, one thing is for certain: they are already my role models.
I told them that they have already achieved what they are supposed to truly achieve by joining NCC. Not the rank, but what qualities a Man and a Gentleman must possess.
Though not as lucky as i do, i am proud of them and i hope they will be proud to lift their heads high, because they, despite not attaining what they wanted, have stuck to their principles and they are most determined to follow these principles through their life.

They are already the leaders i want them to be. The leaders of their own life.
They have achieved much more than they have achieved, and has for certain achieved much more than me.

My day concludes. A long day awaits tomorrow. LONG...

"I have won."

2005-06-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

I sat there on the basketball court, waiting for you.
Wore my spectacles, hoping to see you better if you came.
Stuck the earplugs and listened to my songs, calming myself.
Telling myself that she will be seen if fate allows...there's nothing i can do.

But you never came. And i wonder where you had been. I probably missed it...you probably left before i could even catch a glimpse of you.
Maybe you stayed back for longer than i thought you had.
All i know is...i missed you.

Hmm...rather boring day. Started my day by going to school of course. LuFeng boarded the bus which i was taking.
We reached school, and there i saw Cheryl walking towards the LT's. Haha, we didn't talk at all.
Well, in the lecture, WeeMiang seem to have ate the wrong medicine or something cause he is noisier than he usually is and seem to go against Irene in all aspects.
Whatever it all is, we had fun...so much fun during the maths lecture.

After releasal, we all went to the basketball court. Not wanting to dirty myself, i just sat on the floor, gazing at the walkway.
Mr Bernard Tan caught some boys playing without their attire. From what LuFeng said, they were scolded badly. Good thing i didn't join in.
Time's up and we had to meet up with Ms Lim for PW. She gave us some suggestions that we decided to consider upon.

It is also this PW meeting when i realised Eileen Lum was WORSE than i thought she is.
She is so NOISY!! So full of crap and of course, so funny -_-
Manz, we all had a good laugh with her. She sure is a good joker.

Hell no...i just realised that the Cheap iPod on Ebay is just another Made in China.
I guess i am no longer going for it.

Sigh..wonder how it will be like later on and tomorrow.
Hope it will be better.
My Day Concludes....???

"Hope to speak to you soon.."

2005-06-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

Lalala...early blog today. After this i'll be going for a nap...

Sat alone in the bus on my way home...
I was so bored and had nothing better to do, other than listening on my discman the usual songs.
Suddenly, many images came to my mind.
Everything in my past came back..those NCC days..those days in secondary school.

I wonder why, but i just gave some serious thought about all that has happened.
It was then, when i realised the meaning of "What belongs to you will come. What's not meant to be yours will never be yours".
I was finally able to sort out what's the past and what's the present, what's now and what's the future.

I don't need to do anything special to blend in to others. All i need to do, is to be myself and do what i want to do, be a person better than yesterday, and be there for those who ever needs me.
I may be insignificant, but neither will i try to make myself stand out. I am who i am. I Am That Is.
I don't need an Apple iPod, or a Zen Micro just because everyone has it, or it is stylish.
All i need is just my Discman, playing my favourite 17 songs everyday, like how i usually am.
Being myself.

"What's meant to be mine will come, and what's not will never come".
I guess destiny has its way of planning things.
I'll work hard on my studies, and what that will come to me is good results.
Same for the girl i like secretly. I'll like her, but i won't think about doing things to make her accept me, because if she is not meant to be mine, she will never be mine. I'll just be myself and focus on what should be focused on. Eventually, what's mine will come.

Now i really feel happier and no longer so bothered.
All i need to do is to be who i am. Be who i am at anywhere, anytime, any situation.
That's me, Junsheng.
My day concludes.

"I'll no longer force things to happen. Because if i do, the right thing that should have happened will never happen"

2005-06-08T20:26:00.000-07:00

Need lyrics for my current blog song?

I never really feel quite right
I dunno why, all i know is something's wrong
Everytime i look at you, you seem so alive

Tell me how do you do it, Walk me through it
I'm following every footstep
Baby on your own you take a cautious step
Do you wanna give it up?
But all i want is for you to..

Shine
Shine down on me
Shine on this life that's burning out

I say a lot of things sometimes that don't come out right
And i act like i don't know why
I guess a reaction's all i was looking for

You looked through me, you really knew me
Like no one has ever looked before
Baby on your own you take a cautious step
Do you wanna give it up?
But all i want is for you to..

Shine
Shine down on me
Shine on this life that's burning out

Anyway, nothing much happened today. Just that the Andrew Cox lesson finally interest me in some ways..
Hmm...hope tomorrow will be a better day.
And yes, thank you so much Keith and Cheryl...You guys really helped me untie the knot in my heart.
My day concludes.

"It has been long, and i miss you lots. Hope to see you soon."

2005-06-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

ROARRRRR!!!!!
I Am BACK At BLOGSPOT!!!!

Lolx...okok, overly excited am i?
I haven been blogging since the erm...lemme see...10th of May.

Reason is because i seriously....SERIOUSLY...kept a personal diary. I forgotten about it ever since i blogged so i decided to switch back to it.

How come now i come back leh?
Well, blog and diary is 2 different things. I talk differently, and of course some things i'll never write here will be written in my Diary. Some unexpressed feelings of course.

Coming back here to pay my blog a visit, i saw a FEW..juz a FEW comments on my tag board u can see to your right---->
"How come never update?"
Dinnie, Zhengze, Von and even my cousin Shun and my old "army" buddy Cheeleong asked me in msn today about why i didn't blog.
I told him because there's nothing interesting in my blog and people won't come and see my blog.
He said" Yes there's interesting things...the way you curse like mad".
-_-"

Well...i guess i will have 2 diaries. Erm...more like one journal and one diary.

Much have changed over this time. Keith has a blog too! lolx...gotta link it sometime.
Eh...ya..bout me being in Health and Fitness. Much have took place too.

For example, our JC2 "Aunties" are leaving us soon, or already left.
We had new members! Erm..Michael, Bryan(who left already, but mention his name anyway) and of course Cheryl, my OG friend.
I heard my OG friend Syahida is joining too, but i haven heard any news from her yet. Maybe she got another CCA already.
A few weeks ago, Mr Dominic Lai, told me that he had sent me and Poh Loong to the leadership course(the one whereby all the CCA have to send 2 representatives? yup..).
I am sooooo excited about it, but it is in July...still far away. And my birthday falls on July too.

Today's tuesday, and also the second and last week of my June holidays make up lectures.
Can't wait to end this freaking week fast.

NCC camp on the 19th to 21st June. Yihao asked if i want to go. I decided to go, but that will depend if Mr Cho allows me to.
Gotta ROCK THE CAMP!!

Tomorrow we got Mr "Sweat over it" Physics lesson. I haven started on his tutorial...hehe..

How's the blog song by the way? "SHINEEEEEE, SHINE DOWN ON ME.....SHINE ON THIS LIFE THAT'S BURNING OUT".

Lolx...hmm..ok.
My Day CONCLUDESSSSS.....

"Time to let go and look forward and see things from a new perspective"

2005-05-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

Silent apologies...

Skipped blogging for a few days. Really have nothing to write about.
Even if i have to, nothing good is posted

Today, i ain't feeling so bad. But...bad feelings still lingers.
I really don't know why others suddenly change their attitude towards me..
I know...i seriously know something must have happened that they changed their perception on me. I know i must have done something offensive.
I pondered...i asked myself what i have done recently. To the extent of viewing my chat logs, checking my blog entries to see if any offensive stuff have been spoken.

Still, i could not find an answer. And when i cannot find an answer, i will not confront anyone for what exactly is the problem.
What will i do is what anyone can guess. I will simply back off and stay away to prevent hurting anyone else further.
But if you asked me..i would have preferred being told what i have did wrong so that i can review and change if i am in the wrong. The case right now is: They refused to tell me what exactly went wrong. They never approached..and even if i initiate, they will simply give me a cold shoulder.
So be it approach or stay away, no consensus is reached. Most cases, staying away is what people will prefer that i do.

But all that i ask for is if they don't wish to tell me what the problem is, then at least don't show me the hostility. If they want to show me the hostility, then first tell me what i did wrong and allow me an explanation or even a sincere apology which i m very obliged to give if i am in the slightest of mistakes.
Now all i have is hostile looks, cold attitude but yet no knowledge of my wrongs.
I would really appreciate it if everyone would just be more frank with me instead of beating around the bush and doing all sorts of uncomprehensive things that make me ponder more. In such a case, i am not the one who doesn't treasure friendship but rather, Them.

Imagine if this is never resolved.
It will become 2 years of unhappiness. Going to school everyday seeing cold faces and still not knowing what i did exactly long time ago. No one feels good being treated in such a way. Neither does anyone with a heart enjoys seeing others enduring such awkwardness.

I guess i will just shut up and buzz off. I will only boil their blood if i persist.
But does this mean things will never be resolved?

My day concludes..

"..."

2005-05-04T20:40:00.000-07:00

The feeling being loved.
The feeling of being rejected.
The pain of leaving a loved one.
The feeling of knowing one's unfaithfulness.
The disappointment of knowing you won't get the person you like.
I have experienced all of this before. I can really understand how my friends felt today. I wished i could do soemthing to make them feel better, but i know i will just make things worse than before. Maybe i should just stay aside where no one will notice.
What caused this? Reveal it later on.

My lesson's ended at 11+ am today. Much earlier than the rest who were still having lessons.
JunYang brought a deck of Tarot cards to school today. He told the fortunes for his classmates using those cards. Not everyone tried, as they have a religion to uphold to.
However, there are things about what JunYang said which i should not believe.
Both DISC and this Tarot cards said i am someone who will work very hard for something that i want.
However, Tarot told me something that DISC did not say. Which is, i will at times fight with others to achieve something that i work...as part of the working-for-it process.
Lets see if this statement is true through my future performance.

Second, JunYang said the girl i like is not who she seems to be. The characteristics i named about her, JunYang begged to differ.
This is something i chose not to believe. I have my very strong reasons to believe she is not the demanding sort. Also, i have evidence she is not such a person. Very reliable evidence.

Third, JunYang said the things that i want won't come, but something else will come.
For example, the person i like right now won't come to me, but someone else will.
Bro told me that there just might be something waiting for me in this school. Is what the Tarot said related to the destiny awaiting me in this school?
What is the destiny i am bound to face?
The advisory card said i should try to analyse the person i like. But i don't really get in contact of her. Or is the card trying to tell me i should analyse another person? Or my destiny?

Fourth, one card told me i am currently in a state of sadness and confusion.
I believe part of it. Because i have yet to find out the reason why i am confused and sad for some time now.
I am also told i am in a fairly normal situation. No advantages, or disadvantages. Worth pondering..

Into the happenings...
This is about what i wrote right at the beginning of my entry.
My friends...I feel they are both wrong.
She shouldn't have given him the hope a few days back and just spoke the truth. It was like bursting a balloon she blown for him.
He was a little too direct and impulsive i guess...Things have not even started and he went right into it. Besides, it was wrong to have done it in front of everyone.

I am wrong too. I am wrong to write them in my entry.
But...his courage is something..is something that i do not have.
I would have never got the courage to do something like this.

Pulau Tekong trip was a little boring. Quite a number of people slept in the auditorium. We were taken around the BMTC and my first stop was the IMT.
IMT...my old friend. Sadly, i only got to shoot 2 rounds due to lack of time. My results weren't even shown. Worse, they didn't allow us to assume prone position. ARGH.
The trip ended off hours later. Overall quite ok i guess. I would really commend on the refreshments at the end of the trip. The Cherry Cupcakes were simply DELICIOUS.
The rest except me and Melvin went for dinner. I hope they had fun.

My day concludes. Hope i can find my right one.

"Whether you are the right one or not, i will still like you. If i am to refrain from liking anyone who is not the one for me in my life, i would have missed out many. I will never know who is the right one. You might seem as if not the right one for me, but i will definitely hope you will someday be. If i am not your right one, i hope you will find your right man."

2005-05-03T19:00:00.000-07:00

Being a few days since i last blogged. Well, blogging everyday makes me lack content to blog down, making my every entry short.
I prefer having my every entry long and with important details.

ALL RIGHT. Enough of the blog advice crap. Time to get to business!(sounds like blogging is some big deal..)

Past few days have been rather meaningful and "fruitful". Fruitful in the sense that everyone revealed their secrets and now we all know how each and everyone of us feel about each other.
Some people felt more comfortable saying out what's kept in them for some time. Me, for example.

On Saturday, i went to Bugis...alone as usual. Yup the usual routine about me going to the Kuan Yin Temple to pray first. There are really lots and lots of ice cream sellers over there. No doubt...i grabbed a Ripple flavoured ice-cream myself.
After praying, i would always wonder to myself if my prayers were answered, if i would really be given blessings for the things that i asked for.
I will never speak out what i prayed for...they are supposed to be a secret. But anyone can guess what people at my age will normally ask for if they are studying.
I really do hope Goddess Guan Yin will bless me, though i am not a Buddhist.
No matter whether my prayers will be answered or not, i will not give up praying. I believe in worship and prayers.

I went to Sim Lim Square to check out the graphic cards. I didn't buy one in the end.
I basically stood at one place for about half an hour to consider whether i should buy a graphic card. I didn't buy it, because i upgrade the graphic card for the sake of games. If i really bought one on Saturday, i am simply paying 100+ bucks for my own doom...the doom of games.
I thought for a moment whether i should get an mp3 player, since i am giving up on the graphic card. I SMSed bro on the spot, and he told me he is willing to sponsor 50 bucks for me. What held me back was my fear of getting a bad model. I don't need something that cost 300+ with a 3-5GB storage. A 512MB is all i need, but which model?? I seriously need EXPERIENCED advice on this, anyone can recommend some for me, stating the Approx price? Thanks!!
I bought a Legacy of Kain series from one of the games shops. This shop sold the game at 10 bucks lesser than the other shops, so why would i miss out the good chance of my favourite game series?(By the way, i have already beaten the game.Lolx, $49.90 lasted me only 3 days.)

Sunday.
Ahhh...memories of this day. The day where everyone said their truth to the whole class(me included as well...).
1S25 went to Kelwin's house for the BBQ. His house was really comfortable...a pity i did not stay in there for long. The BBQ was downstairs that is.
The whether don't seem very happy with us. It actually rained not long after the coal had been lighted.
NOTHING will stop 1s25's plans for fun. A few of us took unbrellas and the BBQ went on.HAHAHAHA.
I mus not forget, it's Irene's birthday that day. We all sang a birthday song for her before we drank our champagne.
TRUTH Or DARE TIME!!! The "bottle of Truth" was spunned around and around til it's mouth pointed at someone when it stopped.
As promised, i will not reveal whatever was exposed that day. 1S25 knows what i am talking about...We all know very well within ourselves.^_^"

Monday.
Nothing much to say. Only ONE word. SLACK!!

Today.
Okokokok...i must comment on this. Simply put, everyone came to school, smiling happily at each other. Even our CT has a new hairstyle. A very happy day in the beginning indeed. Because of memories of "that day".
Sigh...wasn't that great a day for me. Why? See my words in Yellow after my day concludes.
Being an IT rep is more work than i think it is. Mrs Phay called me during lunch and fixed a meeting with me and Mr.Ashokan.
Being an IT rep, i must either aid in AVA in the morning to set up stuff once a week, or aid the Computer club for maintanence. I doubt no one in my class is willing to take over my position. I chose to aid the computer club eventually. My AV skills sucks.
Dinnie made my day today. She told me that guys like me are near extinction. She also said i am a sincere person. I bet many people will beg to differ or will not agree wth her. But LIKE I CARE? No, all i care about is she made my day and i am happy that someone in this world could understand what a person i am. Thanks Dinnie! You really boost my confidence. Now i really don't care how "she" feels about me, i will just like her and that's it.

What a long but great few days.
Hope we have more of these outings in future. BANG! 1S25 is the BEST!
My day concludes.

"It doesn't really matter how she perceives me..What counts is the hidden feelings in my heart i bear for her. I don't care who she talks to or who she smiles to or even what she laughs about..because it is more than fortunate to be able to see her smiles from far. I have nothing within myself to move her or touch her. But i am certain, i still have my silly Loyalty to promise you."

2005-04-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

Miracles...
"There'll be miracles, when you believe".
How do i believe in it when none has occured on me? Hmm...i will still believe anyway.

I have always tried to be like my brother...
He always shine wherever he goes. He deals with arrogant with an arrogant attitude. Almost everyone fears him.
But this scary person happens to be my brother. The brother who always doted on my since my birth. Always ready to protect me, stand up for me.
I want to be like him...i also want to be able to take care of myself. Let him know that i don't have to trouble him anymore.
But how can i do all these when i could not even bear to start a fight!?

This weird thing about me..no matter how much i detest a person, i still care for how he feels.
Why? My brother would have come up with means to deal with those who finds fault with him.
But me...even when involved in a quarrel, i care for how the other person feels and therefore restrict lots of insults to myself.
I guess i really prefer peace.
Just like today, i had a quarrel with my HnF comrade. He resorted to violence on me and almost tore my PE t-shirt apart. I felt like standing up and fighting back, but i don't know why i just sat there, letting him grab my shirt like an idiot.
I guess there were benefits for teasing him. At least now he really bothers to work on the healthweek proposal, to prove to me he doesn't slack. It was cause he slacked that made me call him names, which kinda provoked him.
I never bore any grudges on him. I will do my part for the rest of healthweek.

How i wished i can be like my brother...ignoring how others feel and fighting back with those who causes trouble. But no matter how hard i try, i am still a high "S", and he will always be a high "D".
Ironic eh? A high "D" and "S" living under the same roof. 2 totally different people living in different worlds living in the same house, sharing the same blood. What more is they are both very close and has little conflict.
Now who says high "D" people can't be socialized with?

Jacquerine seems to be in a bad mood today. She seems sad about something.
She took a piece of foolscap from me during the econs tutorial. What she wrote on it was nothing Economical. Instead, it was just some scribbles about someone she likes in this school. There she is, laying her head on the table and closed her eyes with the paper in front of her. Dinnie, while jac was still asleep, wrote "Cheer Up" on the piece of paper. I wonder if Jac saw it yet.
But whatever it is, it kinda suck to see my friends feeling down while i can't do anything.
Frankly speaking, there's nothing i can do to make someone feel better when it comes to love. I always made things worse..so i prefer keeping silent and be ready to render my help if they need me. For now, no one really needed me.
Useless that is -_-"

New beginning? Nice testimonial?
I guess you are having that Do-for-the-sake-of-doing attitude. If your results don't make it, testimonials can't be counted on much seriously.

Talking about others...i guess i don't have a nice testimonial myself at the end of year 2. Being in health and fitness and not taking part in the school activities.
Pre-U seminar....i hate going for auditions. Besides, i never make it through any auditions.
I won't be able to go for sure. The selection is over anyway, and what i heard many was rejected. Now YOU are really lucky and capable enough to be able to go.

I'll try to take part in the CIP work anyway. Heard there is this tuition for primary school students...i would like to offer my help. Well, i'll be glad enough not teaching them the wrong stuffs!

How lonely...
My day concludes.

"I never thought someone liked you as well...hmmm. He is a nice person..i am not. I guess i will just back out of this..Friends we shall be, but i will not deny myself the feelings i have for you"

2005-04-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

Though today was a long and tiring day...Everything was worthwhile.

Haha, Cheryl met me at the bus stop today and we went to the school together. She was telling me she still couldn't make up her mind on which CCA to join still. Well, if she is not going to make up her mind, by default she will be in Drama.
It isn't so bad anyway...just that there's too much lines to memorize.

Monday's school days are the most boring and the longest. Good thing next Monday is labour day.

Today i went around with Zheng Ze for the whole day in school and we talked a lot. Wow, he sure knows a lot about feelings too! We were there sharing ideas and he said i am one of those few that can make our own decisions. Lolx, i sure am proud of what he said about me.
He will be recommending me some graphic cards to buy. I hope he will choose a worthy one.
I might not be buying it anyway...i have an mp3 and a new phone in mind already.

Hmm..
Somehow, just seeing her smile and hearing her voice brightens up my day. Seeing her SMSes also brings me comfort.
Zheng Ze said i should not think too much about such things for now.
Well, i agree. I will control myself and don't think about relationships and all the more won't think about going after her heart.
But, it doesn't mean i will not like her anymore. I will just not think about having a relationship, but i will still bear feelings for her..This kind hearted girl.

She is one of my motivations to keep on going to school and work hard.
What is my true motivation then? After some thought...i figured them out myself.
Like Zheng Ze said, i my base my motivations on myself and not on others.

That is, what motivates me to keep on going is wanting to do myself proud and have a better future. A more comfortable life ahead.
Secondly, i want to do my family proud by being the first to go the University among all my cousins.
I want to do my parents proud too. They raised me, and this is the only way to repay them.

Haha, this girl is the motivation that helps me kill the morning moods of going to school.
I will always tell myself in the morning when i wake up that i must go to school to see her. That's what keeps me going sometimes.

Nothing bout to write about..Oh yes, i haven forgotten bout my NCC boys. Seems like they will be stepping down soon. This batch of specs is really a special batch. I do admit i was training them last time, but the current performance they are showing when i go back to school a few weeks ago has convinced me that i did not train them so well. It was their own capability that allowed them to become good specialists...even better leaders than i am.
I was only there to guide them the basics. They really didn't need me at all. And i am very proud of them. Just hope the batch after them won't be any lousier. I am a little worried about a few "attitudes" in the next batch...
I wonder when i will be allowed time to go back to visit them. I still owe one of my Junior a box of Chocalates.

My brother planned this year's NPCC day parade with a Nutcracker theme.
It was so impressive that it went up to the papers today! Too bad i didn't manage to buy any.
Good job bro!
If i could shine just like him..But being simple isn't a bad thing after all. That's the way i am. I am no High D. My bro is.

My day concludes.

"Seeing you smile from far is more than enough for me. Hearing your voice is even more comforting...But i just don't have the courage to face you. I really like you."

2005-04-22T22:56:00.000-07:00

Everything's changed.
So long i have not been in contact with my close friends and relatives.

Von, my close friend, and Terry, my best Cousin, are both attached. I still could remember how saddened they were when their Ex-flames left them. That time, i have yet to understand how they felt.
Look at now, both of them are already happily attached!
Haha...i really envy them both..They have time for relationships.
On the other hand..i don't have time for one...even if i wanted to.

Yes i do admit i am liking someone...but i know even if i did i must never let her know that i do. I will never reveal her name..Her SMSes are what keeps me going sometimes. SOMETIMES...
And i know she won't accept me at this point of time. I know i mustn't be selfish and that i have to control myself. So i will still like her, but won't yearn for any relationships. Studies are seriously more importantly...last cohort of SRJCians only had 60% of their total admitted to Universities.
If fate allows, i am sure i will be able meet her again in University(i MUST go University).

Exhausting day...
Right at the start of the day was 2 periods of PE. 1 hr 30 mins in total.
Our PE teacher is Bernard Tan...and his training is really intensive. For a start as a first PE lesson, he has already made us run 6 rounds on the 2 outer lanes...the "Men's" lanes.
Adding on to 2 more rounds for warm up, it makes 8 rounds in total for today.
Though tired, i had fun at the same time.
Firstly, he taught us a secret before running 2.4...which is to do the Shaolin Ritual. Till now, i am still quite addicted to doing it when mentioning this.
Secondly, thinking of running 6 rounds like this every week makes me more confident of clearing the NAPFA with at least a silver(my aim is gold actually).
I feel proud of myself. I finished the 6 rounds coming in 3rd, or maybe 4th(i m not sure if Dennis overtook me).
But being able to be 3rd or 4th, after 3 months inactive, backed up with a small size like mine, is good enough an achievement already. Hope to do better.

At LONG LAST, the PW lesson today gave me a clearer picture as to what is expected in each question. Now i will really be able to start off well..hopefully.

Sway Sway today in the study area our principal caught me and my friends eating in there. Good thing she didn't scold us, but just told us to finish our food outside. However, she was scolding the J2's who were chatting loudly in there. Me and my friends left to escape the "catastrophe". We stayed in the canteen talking about Seafood. I really didn't know seafood could be a nice topic to talk about when u have so many people in there who LOVES seafood.

Then the end of the day arrived, another hour of waiting for CCA. Nothing much bout my CCA today, except some discussions.

My mum and bro came to the parents night with me.
Good thing i stooped my bro....or he would have gave trouble to the PE teacher about my CCA. I really wanted to know why even recreation has to go through trials, but i didn't want my CCA to change. Phew...if my bro started something, i will really be MARKED on.

Sigh...my day concludes...gonna make full use of the weekend.

"I know i won't be seeing you for quite some time. Even if we did, i know you might not look for me or say hi...cause i am insignificant. But whatever it is, as long as you never disliked me, i will always like you in secret for these 2 years. We may not go same University, but at least i knew i had someone like you to brighten up my days in school."

2005-04-20T22:35:00.000-07:00

Aerobics marathon ROCKS!!

Haha, the whole event lasted till 7.45pm today. We all learnt Hip Hop and Latin.
Frankly, Hip Hop is much more easier to learn than the Latin one.
Well, all of us had fun eventually, though we do not really like the idea of it in the first place. Now we really look forward tot the next one.

Now i really wonder why some people like Chi Hung is doing in Health and Fitness, when he actually refuses to workout properly, participate actively, and worse of all talks all sorts of bullshit. I wouldn't really mind that much if he doesn't behave in such a sissy way.
Hmm...is it really a shame to join Health and Fitness?

People always have this wrong idea that Health and Fitness is just like any other sports CCA like canoeing..badminton...rock climbing...and thus compare us with all these sports CCA and most of the time, brand us as "weak".
But like i say, we are only a service club. Our aim is just to promote a healthy lifestyle among not just the HnF menbers but also the whole school. Even if they want to compare, they should compare with other service clubs, not sports club.

People would ask me "why you join HnF when you are fit enough for some sports club?"
I have an explaination. Not because i am so weak that only this CCA wants me.
I used to be in NCC in Sec School. However, SRJC(or maybe all JCs) has no NCC at all. The only uniform group that this school has is Rovers, which is not the ideal type of uniform group for me.
So next, i go to the different sports club.
My hobby is Badminton, and i play it during free time, booking a court with my friends and i treat it as a recreation. No doubt, my aim was to join Badminton.
However, all who wishes to join badminton has to go through a trial.
Case 1: My leg just finished an operation during the trial period. I couldn't even walk properly.
Case 2: Even players who wishes to join for recreation has to go through a trial to see if he or she is good in Badminton. Guess what, i hav NO badminton background! It doesn't even seem like there is recreation in badminton is our school anyway!(no offence)
I have no background for Table tennis,Tennis, Canoeing, Rock climbimg(though i have tried several times before),etc etc...
Rugby? My size can be easily flattened with one knock.
Basketball and Soccer are my phobias. Yes i do play them sometimes, but i have never really played a match or some sort. Interest-wise, i really have no interest.
Minus all the girl CCAs, i have only the service clubs left.
Library? Computer club? or things like mind games? Band or drum or lion dance?
All NO background...though i use the computer everyday. I want something that i can at least do some sports. A service club that does sports...
HnF is the only one left. At the very least, i get to Service the school. After experiencing leadership role as a CSM in NCC in sec school, i guess now it is time to try something new...to service instead of leading.
Look on the bright side...at least WE maintain the gym...and i still got to train myself up often too!

However, there are still people who laughs at me, as well as HnF.
But who cares about them right?

How tired...reach home at 9pm...must have a good rest. Wait...what about my Tutorials!!?
My day ConcluDesS.....

"I wish to see you, yet i don't have the courage to face you...because i am afraid you might find out the feelings i have for you."

2005-04-19T19:07:00.000-07:00

A shocking day. A day where even Colorblind people like me can differentiate this particular colour very well.
The True Colour of people.

I still cannot believe Lu Feng's words in the bus today which he told me.
I can hardly believe the fact that i am actually making friends with a high "D" personality.
Authoritive, which sometimes explains the fact why most "D" people have attitude problems.
Well, it cannot be avoided, since friends are really necessary for my progress in JC. I can't forever be a solo that i hope to become.

Well, just bear with it then...
To be frank, my brother is personally a high "D"(he took the test from the book i took home).
And the both of us have lived together under one roof for so many years and we have always been good brothers. In fact, the bond between us is very close.
Since i can live with my brother who is a high "D", i don't see a reason why i can't make friends with "D" people.
Lets not brand others. Everyone is different. Like i say, it is fate that i came to this school, so it must definitely be fate that i get to know this class and the people in the class.

However, i still do not see or encounter the "something" that is waiting for me in there.
There might be nothing waiting, but my instincts told me there is. I trust my own instincts, though they are rather careless sometimes.
My operation wound is really so near recovery that after a few more days i can stop changing my dressings.
Well guess what, i was so careless the operation wound knocked against the corner of one bench in the "Fish tank". OUCH!!!!!!
Seems like i have to change dressings for a few more days to be safe. It kinda hurts still right now..

Andrew Cox really really have a bit of attitude problems.
Yea i agree he may be furious, but does he have to be so sarcastic or even bang on the table to show his dismay?
And i seriously don't understand what he is laughing at sometimes. He seems to be telling himself a joke, not us.

Life's moving on fine. At least i am no longer as lazy as i was in secondary school. I seem to have this tendency to take down notes all the time...kinda weird for me to do that, but i am sure the stress to keep up with JC work has caused this change in me. No more slacking Junsheng!
I have also forgiven myself for all the things i have done that hurt others. I used to, before comeing to JC, hate myself a lot. Now i m finally able to settle my mind down. No doubt, i won't deprive myself of a new chance and new life, though it is JC and i have no time for those things.

She's really special in a way...she just look different from others. I just can't find the right words to describe her...only special. Oh my god...am i starting to like someone? Am i starting to like her?
I think i am...but i really do hope this feeling won't grow until 2 or 3 years later. But how am i so sure i can contact her again in 2-3 years time? Awww....Well, at least i know i am able to like someone else now. At least i have proven to myself i have given a new opportunity to myself.
I better not reveal her name..just in case she sees this and she doesn't SMS me anymore.
I like her SMSes, and it kinda suck when she doesn't send them.

But if i don't reveal, people, especially girls, who reads my entries will get mistaken!
No choice, i really don't want to lose her SMSes.

Went to read Von's blog and realized she is attached. I am SOOOOO happy for her cause she has finally broke free from the sadness within her for so long. Even her new blogskin is so bright right now. I am glad i broke free too. Totally freed from all the painful memories! Laugh at those sad past!

My day concludes.

"Seeing you smile is more than enough reason for me to look forward to seeing you."

2005-04-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

YeEeEeEeEe HAAAAAA!!!
What a great day!

Haha, what exactly happened? why is today a great day?
Because nothing bad happened. Isn't it great?

Just kidding...
Actually,the reason is because i have got to know the people in my CG better. They may appear a little rough sometimes, but they are all nice people to work with.
The C.maths lecture in particular today. Will elaborate more later.

Somehow i am still a little messed up with the names..For example i thought Charlene's name is Peiwen.
Worse, i didn't know who was Cassandra and Wendy...Melvin and Kelwin(no spelling error).
Til today i finally knew who they are. Wendy is our Physics rep, Melvin is the guy who sat on my right during the Econs lecture today. Kelwin is the spiky hair guy whom was in my group today for the CLAO tutorial. Cassandra is the...erm...ya..er..the girl..ya, that girl. Nothing much about her that i can describe. Just...a girl! Argh to heck with that.

I guess i will really have to start on my Preliminary Idea soon. Don't have much time left till the deadline.Why "deadline"? Cause after this line you are dead..lame right? i am quoting from a lame teacher who said this.

Physics tutorial is one of the most interesting periods today. Because 2 jokers sat beside me today.
One is Zheng Ze, and the other is Charlene. I sat between them. Out of a sudden, my lecture notes would suddenly disappear...
Thats because Charlene snatched them away from my hands(without permission or prior warning) and i will be left staring at the empty black desk.
There Charlene is drawing on my notes...some smilies with their tongues stuck out, saying "Yoz!", "Smile!", "Charlene"....
However, her drawing is somewhat impressive. She showed one picture she drew on one blank page of her notes. We don't know what it is...even Charlene herself don't know what it is.
"I just draw out my inspiration, i dunno what it is". To me, it looks like a leaf, but a really nice looking one.
This is where joker Zheng Ze comes in. He drew his inspiration on his notes too.
However, his inspiration is no Leaf or anything special. It was just...a pile of dung with some flies.
"HERE, this is what i call INSPIRATION".
DOTZ...inspirations are what comes to our mind first given a subject or topic.
In this case, the topic is Inspirations itself.
The first thing that came to my mind is games, Charlene's probably some unusual shape.
And Zheng Ze's a pile of shit...

C.Maths tutorial was fun too. I sat beside Glenn and Zheng Ze. No idea how it started, but for like half the lecture we were laughin like mad. Because laughin is contagious, Peilin ended up laughing together with us.
Why were we laughing? Simply because i spoke HOKKIEN. What so funny!?
But it was great. We all had fun laughing, despite not knowing the reason why.

My day concludes. Hope my days in school will be as fun as today =)

2005-04-17T15:12:00.000-07:00

Ahh what a day. I mean, what a Yesterday.

I decided to check up on the mp3 before buying one, so i went to Sim Lim Square in Bugis for my info collection.
However, i didn't go Sim Lim straight. Instead, i headed for the Guan Yin Temple to offer some incense and of course, pray.
I prayed for my poor friend, but i wonder my prayers were answered. I surely hope they are.
I prayed for some others things too...i don't wish to say them all out, or they won't come true anymore.

It was crowded with lots of people. Beggars were no exception.
Weird...those beggars i use to see isn't around. Maybe they left early. Hope to see them on my next trip there.

In Sim Lim, i scouted all the electronic shops that were selling mp3s. Wow..the variety was really large and i had problems choosing one. Good thing they have price list available for taking, so i took a few from the shops.
Seems like Creative caught my eye. But i am still considering if an mp3 is really a necessity to me. So what if i have a 256mb mp3 but yet i don't have enough songs to fill them up? In this case, isn't my present discman more than enough?
Moreover, now i am taking economics as a subject. I should consider with even more logic.
Somehow, my family, especially my dad, did not object to my idea of getting an mp3.
He even told me.."Don't go and spend on those cheap ones...if you want then go and spend more and get a good one."
-_-" He sure is supportive of me getting an mp3..

But i will still consider carefully. I really need to go around asking my friends for recommendations.
Oh yes, i would also like to point out on one scene that took place in Sim Lim that really pissed me off.
I saw this shop that allows customers to try the games outside the shop. Yesterday, one of the games on trial was this Star Wars game(first person shooting). Oh my...the graphics were no worse than Half-life 2's! Maybe even better!
If this games graphics is better than HL2, then my com definitely won't be able to support it.
Anyway...i don't have the intention of getting it...studies more important. Besides, the game isn't cheap.
Back to main track. I stood at one side looking at other people play. When the guy left, another guy, around 30 or 40 in age, took over.
He played the game and those watching(including me) was shaking their head in disappointment. Why? Because in the game, instructions were given clearly "HOLD "F" To Recover Health". Even idiots and see those big words in the game screen.
But this guy...he went to the healing machine and despite the BIG words telling players to hold "F", he went to tap "F". TAP...imagine on the game the character you are playing as putting out his hand then withdrawing his hand then putting out his hand then withdrawing his hand and SO IT GOES ON....
And guess what? he continued to do this.

There was this big piece of paper there telling players that each player can try only for 10 minutes.
This guy, with his disappointing skills, went on for 20+ minutes.
Obviously he don't know how a rocket launcher looks like, because he shot that weapon in the enemy droid's face...while standing right next to the enemy droid.
It is as if dropping a grenade on the floor where you are standing. BOOM!!

Ya i know not everyone is good in everything, But if you are not good in something, don't bug on to the thing for so damn long, and then watch and learn. I would seriously recommend to him to press the ESC button and check out the controls first. Seriously...he don't even know which buttons to move front or back.(W,A,S,D for those who play first person games. Standard buttons.)

When he left, i took over, checking out the controls FIRST before tackling the game in front of so many other onlookers. Hehe...i completed one stage in less than 10 minutes. The same stage that previous guy was playing. After completing the stage, i left so that others could play. Gentleman eh??

Liqi SMSed me around that time when i left, asking me if i would be going online. I knew straight away she was lonely and bored. Somehow Boon Hui is overseas..and some things happened between them. She really is feeling down these few days.
Hope she will be better soon. No doubt, i went online straight away when i reached home.
And so we chatted on for a little while.
After chatting, it was me and my cousin Shun to CHIONG half life 2. LOLX...busted all those freakers in the game. Me TOP FRAG...but only in half life 2, not CS.
We even chose a big map to play hide and seek. Cause it was already so late, i had no choice but to give up on where he is hiding.

Lots and Lots of tutorials. Maths...Physics...Econs...

2005-04-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

My poor friend's story.

Today, i had a long day in school. After the long day, i had CCA.
And after CCA, i went home. CCA was great. Exersized a lot.

Apologies, don't wish to elborate much about my day in school. I am not in the mood to.
Instead, i wish to say out how i feel about what happened on MSN in the evening.

A story about my poor friend.
She's a girl. Lost a parent when she was only a young little girl, and caused her mum to do crazy things, threatening to kill everyone.
She was only a little girl then. I knew her for years...and i never knew she had such a past.

Secondary school wasn't any better for her. Faced problems with family and finally got depression.
She ever since lost hope in her future and tried to end her life.
No one was there for her. Not even me...because i was too far away from her that time.

She trusted guys whom she think can be trusted to love her always.
Those Sons-of-a-bitch cheated her feelings, cheated her love...cheated her chastity.
No one was there for her. Instead, slowly one by one her friends left her.

Her only friend left...was chased away by another person, who badmouthed her behind her back to her only close friend. She was all alone..
Her depression only grew worse. She became sadistic..telling herself she don't deserve to be happy.
But all this wasn't her fault. Those people who left her or cheated her are those who worths no happiness.
Yet, she felt she deserves no happiness instead of those that should.

Though all she said might not be true...but the thing is...i witnessed certain things myself that i told myself i should believe most of them.

Now, another guy whom she loved so much...
She loved this guy some way she never loved a person before.
Settled her heart for him.
Made promises to him.
Intention of marrying him.
Parents approved.
And what? He left her.

After hearing all she said, i realized that my past and present is not something that i should feel sad about. Because there is worse past and present's like my poor friends that should be felt sad about.
I always told myself i wanted to be there for others.
Now, i only realized i couldn't do anything to help them when i m there for them.
So what's the point of being there for others? I can't do anything for them at all.
I always thought i know what sadness is.
Always thought sadness is some sort of feeling when you feel when you lose your girlfriend.
Just like when i left Yan.
I knew nothing. I knew nothing at all. My pain of losing Yan is nothing compared to my poor friend's story.
All of a sudden i found it such a childish thing to have devoted myself to someone whom i thought i know very well.
All of a sudden i realized it is such a childish thing to say to her that she is my most beloved and she is the only and right one for me.

My world opened up out of nowhere. I no longer feel trapped in my own "sadness".
Looking back at all that happened to me...all the "painful" things, i find them all so funny.
I realized that all the buddies i used to claim as are no true buddies at all.
I also realized that i wasn't the good friend i always thought i was!
My poor friend's story taught me one thing: I never understood what true sadness and despair is.
I don't know enough about sadness and despair to be there to console someone. Because i knew nothing.
I laugh at myself having a girlfriend at such an age when i thought i was matured. I was not Truly matured after all.

Her story also taught me to live my life to the fullest and to the happiest. Yes i agree i still hide my feelings most of the time, but after listening to her...i learnt another thing.
That is...i can hide my feelings, but i should never be depressed by them.

Thanks my friend. Thanks for allowing me to see what i never saw before.
Thanks to you too, i finally found my reason to exist.
Sorry, but rest assure i will pray for you, since i can't do anything to help you feel better.
I know i am afraid to hurt another person again, but now i am determined to be there for them truthfully this time.

Thank you my friend. You helped me find my happiness in life.
My happiness? To see the people around me happy, especially my beloved ones.

My day concludes.

2005-04-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

DISC TEST: I am a total and pure "S" person. Technician category.
I wonder what is all this that i see...
All this that appeared in front of me.
Friends, enemies, love, hate, Likes, dislikes, happiness, sadness...
I looked back into the past. My past. How i truly wanna be able to bring happiness to all those around me, especially my loved ones. But have I?
I guess i have not. I would prefer staying away from those whom i love so that i won't hurt another person again.
The past is happy, but it was also too painful for me. I fear...i fear hurting my loved ones after looking back at memories that happened one fateful year ago.
I don't wish to hurt another person because of my selfishness again.
Veotex: selfish? were you selfish? you sacrificed. You made that decision for the one u once loved.
Maybe...but i don't wish to brood on the right answer. Whatever it is, selfish or not...i don't want to hurt another person who cares for me and whom i love.
Hybrid: You have to learn how to be more selfish sometimes.
What for? why must i be selfish to others?It's against my nature..
And there was never a time whereby i could choose to be selfish.
I don't wanna think about making more friends or finding a girlfriend...who knows i will end up hurting them. Just a few good friends will do. Some that deserves most of my trust.
But...those that i trust doesn't seem to trust me.
Hybrid: Find new friends!
Like who...i have already lost confidence making right friends. New friends doesn't seem easy to make. Especially close ones.
It is hard to keep close friends for me now. Should i even bother to explain to them that they shouldn't misunderstand me?
But history repeats itself...everytime i try explaining, they misunderstand even more.
I really don't want to hurt another person's heart.
Veotex: It's hard not to, unless you are the only living being one Earth. You will hurt people all the time, be it deliberate or not.
I know, but i can reduce it.
Hybrid: Keeping a distance between you and your friends?
Maybe...?
It's hard to even wish someone good luck..Who needs it from me anyway...
All i hope for is just to be able to make close friends with those i trust...and nothing more. Why is it that such a task is so difficult for people to understand?
No wonder i prefer being alone...cause people make assumptions without even thinking what their comments might caused to someone..or 2 people..or many people.
Maybe it is fate that i am always mistaken. By mums, friends, teachers...
Quiet evening alone? I guess it isn't so bad either. At least nothing misunderstands you.

"I never really feel quite right
I don't know why,
all I know is there's something wrong
Every time I look at you, you seem so alive

Tell me how do you do it, walk me through it
I'm following every footstep
Baby on your own you take a cautious step
Do you wanna give it up?
But all I want is for you to SHINE

Shine down on me
Shine on this life that's burning out"

2005-04-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

Ahh at long last.
Hopefully i won't have to go for anymore such operations in future. Better take good care of myself.
Side note: They don't administer any anaethesia while removing the stitches. Imagine all the giant ant bites i had to endure while they were removing the stitches. Good thing it was only 5 stitches.

Then the nurse sprayed some solution on my wound and OW....
Doctor says that i have to continue washing my wound and applying the antibiotic cream for about another 1 more week. After this, everything will be back to normal.
Well, that's for the full recovery. As for sports, i am ready to undertake them anytime now.

Results of the mole: Nothing serious, just...a mole. -_-"
Well, it is better to have it cut off anyway, since it is so sensitive to the slightest of impacts and gets very painful when knocked on slightly.

Nothing to write about...Ah YES!
Cheryl's report says that she is the peacemaker. Oh my god...she got a very high...and i mean really HIGH "S" on her graph. Goes to show how compassionate a person she is. Guess i didn't pick the wrong friend after all.

Unfortunately, i didn't have the chance to attend the team excellence at all. When i reached school, the program was over. All i participated is the closing ceremony. How lame..coming to school just to show Mr Philip Tan my time sheet.
"Good Good" is what he said when he saw the time sheet. He will refer my case as MC like he said.

There was CCA today. For me, it was only a short meeting. Yea..."short" meeting.
I was put in charge for the food fiesta for health week. Now i really gotta think about what i have to sell that day. Hmm...what healthy food should i sell for the week?
Grrr...out of nothing i was put as the leader of the food selling..Stupid Chi Hung...

"Likes the company of others but is equally comfortable spending a quiet evening alone".
Hey it isn't so bad spending time alone sometimes...at least you can do what you want without anyone commenting on it. Such as going to Bugis to pray and donate money...i would rather go alone. I don't want anyone to start giving stupid comments like "for what you donate sia".
Whack their face ah!

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain.
Lord i'm doing all i can...
to be a better man.

Once you found that lover you're homeward bound
Love is all around, love is all around
I know some has fallen on stony ground
But love is all around.

Send someone to love me
I'm here to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain.
Give me endless summer
Lord i fear the cold
Feel i'm getting old
Before my time.

My day concludes. I will end of with a present for that college bastard...i'll see him in misery and i won't let him step over my head.
The present: FUCK YOU BLOODY FAGGOT!

"I wonder how you are right now... Are you doing fine? Did you get drenched in the pouring rain? I hope you are safe and sound. I know you're not thinking about me right now, but...I know i am thinking of you."

2005-04-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

One more day.
Tomorrow...my stitch will be removed and the test results will be ready.
Very eager for tomorrow to come by. I will no longer be restricted against certain movements again.

Today's DISC course was great!
Oh my, the very first presenter really made the seminar interesting. His jokes were great and furthermore, they were actually examples of different DISC personality people! Almost everything he said was making me laugh.
I give a 95 out of 100 for this seminar. The report is exceptionally useful to me, especially when i found out who i really am and certain traits that i don't even realised myself.

I have to rush back to school right after my trip to Changi General Hospital. I guess i will miss quite a lot of tomorrow's program. But i will be back by hook or by crook.

My heart's settled pretty much now. At least my life is starting to pick up.
This is one of the things that i am still wondering today...
In my DISC report, there's this section whereby they suggest to you how you can improve on ur areas of weakness.
Some people's report suggested that they should be more participative.
Some said that they should take up more responsibilities.
Mine? This is what i don't understand. The report asked me to Delegate more things..
If you don't know what that means...it simply means that i should push more duties and work to other people.
Absurd!! How can pushing more duties to others be an improvement??
But...maybe they are trying to tell me that i am holding too much responsibilities at times.
Come to think of it, i think i should really relax and learn to give more work to others and not to handle everything by myself.

High "S" with a bit of "C"(in short, SC, the peacemaker and technician category). They described me as someone who internalize my emotions. For the benefit of those who don't understand what i am saying again, it means i am someone who hides my feelings deep inside myself and doesn't like to say it out.
I never knew i was such a person. I asked Liqi, what she said was "quite true".
They also said i am someone who tends not to be open with information about myself unless i completely trust a person.
I don't need to ask anyone this. Even i found it true.

In summary, the report also refers to me as a logical and analytical person who approach work systematically. I need more review about this.

"J.S values close personal relationships, and he will often put the needs and desires of those who are loyal friends ahead of his own needs".

"Because he cares about how others feel, J.S may feel uncomfortable making decisions that strongly affect others".

Since when have i became so great?

This statement...i found it rather true.
"He likes the company of others, but J.S is equally comfortable spending a quiet evening alone".
lolx...

My Day Concludes. I hope no one in future will ask me to be more open bout my feelings...

"I wonder...But i am quite sure she isn't thinking about me right now. Whatever it is, one thing is certain... I am thinking about her." -the fated one who is similiar to how i am.

2005-04-11T18:34:00.000-07:00

2 more days...just 2 more days.
2 more days and the stitches on my leg will be remove. My leg will then be near full recovery.
And from then on i will be able to do sports as freely as i want with no restrictions. I won't have to see people's faces in the bus anymore.
Also...i won't see my "mole" ever again. What replaces it is a scar..a memory of all the experience i had, the places i've been to, things i have done...together with my "mole"

It is also 2 more days whereby the test results on that mole will be released. I am really curious about what it exactly is. Is it harmful or not? Why did it grow on my knee? Was it a birth mark? When has it started to appear there?
All will be answered 2 days later, at 9.40am.

Unfortunately, the removal of stitch on wednesday clashes with half the day of my team excellence camp. By hook or by crook, i will rush back to school.
Like it or not, i still have to be in this class for 2 years. Rather than disliking and avoiding those people that i don't like, i would prefer knowing them more to prevent any misunderstandings.

For the past Saturday and Sunday, i have been idling at home doing mostly nothing. Unproductive weekends that is.
Cheryl came online both the days and i didn't chat long with her. Was busy with TV and rushing some homework.
Good friend? Am i really a good friend to make?
I have my doubts. I seriously still think i don't make a good friend to anybody, since i haven really been there for anyone.

Guilt...
I went to Bedok interchange to top up my farecard. On my way to the underpass, i passed by an old man selling tissue papers. Poorly dressed, holding a plastic bag full of tissues.
It just wasn't me like all. While walking towards him, he looked at me and said nothing but pointed a finger, indicating a "One".
Even idiots can tell he is asking me to buy One packet of tissue from him. I simply walked pass him, without buying any tissue from him.
I would always donate money to people in the streets, namely Bugis. But what i did today just wasn't like me at all.
Guilt...I'll make sure i carry spare change in my pocket in future.

Today's GP lesson was an interesting one, with Mr Philip Tan as our tutor for today.
I never knew he actually taught GP, but his appearance in our lecture theatre today proved my assumption otherwise.
His lesson is really interesting, with all his jokes and funny examples that he illustrated to elaborate his points.
If i am not wrong, we made his day. To be frank, he is indeed more interesting to look at sometimes.

DISC personality profiling tomorrow. I can't wait to see what report is given about me. Maybe i will be able to find out certain things that i don't even know about myself.
High S is what i am. Complain, but still do eventually. What to do? I am once an NCC member...and many times i had to do things against my will. It wouldn't be surprising if i am a high S.

Thanks to some of the poor and uninteresting lectures given by some tutors, i have many many unclear comprehension about what is taught. I guess i really need to revise on my own thoroughly.

According to my CT...who, unfortunately, is Mrs Phay, tomorrow is when my class will be electing the class rep.
I really do hope someone from my class will be chosen. These few days it has been hell for me and the class as we simply had no one to take charge of certain things.
Life will be much easier with a leader among the class to lead the class and take charge in administrative work.
NOTE: I don't wish to be one. I am already an IT rep.

Kinda miss my old sec sch mates. Wonder how they are all doing.
Hey Guys and Gals from damai sec! If you happen to be reading my blog, please tag something(provided you are not from SRJC) on the board and let me know how you guys and gals are doing all right?

My Day ConcludeZzZzZz.
Same goes to you Yvonne!

2005-04-07T18:51:00.000-07:00

Veotex-The good side:
"It's none of your business...Don't even think about it. Don't call others as traitors or betrayers when you betray them yourself."

Hybrid-The wild side:
"Come on...just SMS...SMS and see the nice show that goes beyond. Do it! Save yourself from the torment...Seek the pleasure of seeing those who lied to you SUFFER the same fate as you...REVENGE!...Come on J.S, Just take your handphone and SMS...The show ahead is gonna be exciting! Seeing the sad expressions, knowing their pain...isn't it Wonderful!?"

Veotex:
"You SADISTIC devil..You are the one tormenting his thoughts. Let him find peace through accepting and forgiving! Why do you have to seek revenge and bear hatred so much!?"

Hybrid:
"Shut UP VEOTEX..You really think you are the guardian of him? You teach him to accept the fact before him and forget about what's over and forgive others. Where in the world has HE gone wrong that he has to accept all this fact quietly without anyone KNOWING and Furthermore he has nothing to vent his anger ON! Let him vent his hatred out..let him SMS.."

Veotex:
"There are always other ways to vent his anger and also find..."

Hybrid:
"You think HE is so FREE?Cut your When-There-Is-A-Will-There-Is-A-Way crap."

Veotex:
"Of all character J.S developed he developed some creature like YOU..He has already tried his best in forgetting what's entangled in his heart for a long time..Yet YOU are constantly reminding him to HATE and take revenge and generate anger! You are affecting his studies!"

Hybrid:
"Well better than always wasting his time trying to forgive and forget...Just SMS it and his unhappiness will automatically become Happiness. You are wasting his time not ME."

The good and benovelent side, the bad and sinister side.
Everyone has their good and bad points. Their good side and bad side.
No exception, i have my 2 sides too. I named them Veotex and Hybrid...thus the nick that i often use in various situations.

Because of the 2 of them, always contradicting each other, incurred what it calls "confusion" in my mind.
When the "Situation" occurs, i sometimes feel angry, betrayed and hatred grew within me. So deep the hatred i could submerge into my subconsciousness and do things that i don't even know. For example, today. I crushed my cup of 7up in my fist, til someone called out to me when i realised what i was actually doing.
However, sometimes i feel happy. I feel that it wasn't a bad thing after all and will let go soon after.

I have to admit though, that most of the time, Hybrid(feel angry) emerges first, then after a while, Veotex(feel happy, relieved) takes over.
Betray or not to...I don't know. They both make sense sometimes...though Hybrid may be more evil, what he induces in me isn't senseless.
What a pain in the arse these 2 guys are. I guess i really need to calm down and think things through.

I found my CCA at last..Health and Fitness. I guess i hav really none other to join. Badminton is too focused on professionalism to be able to get in. Besides, with my leg's condition like this, not much CCA will have confidence in me. Though minor, people's impression will always be "Operation means not very fit for activities".
As if i m crippled.

Today i became the IT rep in my class. No one volunteered to become one...not even Junyang.
Thought he might be a good leader cause he was the OFL of mistral. Now, i guess i am beginning to doubt a little. Hopefully i am wrong about him.
Seriously, my IT skills are not very good. Simply put, i became the IT rep today to save time. My CT would have dragged on if everyone continued to put their hands down.
Chinese says "I Don't go to hell Who go to hell?". Thats exactly why i volunteered.

At last, mistral 7 splitted. Not many of us still mix in our group. Many has left. Someday soon i will become one of those who left too.
Hopefully the one i claim as "good friend" will join HAF tomorrow as well.
Sadly, i won't be able to go for tomorrow's Speech day in Damai. CCA....
Wished i could see those KuKus wear No.1 uniform, expecially Yihao. Biggest KuKu of all.

I also wonder how Yvonne have been doing. Promised her a testimonial but i have yet to write one for her...was really busy with the schedule. But since it is promised, i will honour it.
Wish she is doing fine now.

Dad's great! I wanna be a good father like him too when i become a father(hopefully i can).
He gave me $50 and told me that every month he will give me $50 for transport fees!
Wow...My transport fees a month seriously don't require so much...
I will save it up for sure.

"If I Should Leave This Lonely World Behind, Your Voice Will Still Remember Our Melody"
My day concludes. Gotta STUDY!!

2005-04-05T18:50:00.000-07:00

The beginning...

For the past few days, nothing much has happened, especially when the day of the class formation draws near and everyone starts to get tensed up.
Yesterday, i chatted with Ruth and Chris til 4.45pm, exactly when the Chem ake up ended. Thanks to the chat that lasted me til that time, i was able to take bus with Cheryl. For once i wasn't very lonely on my way home.
Well, she don't talk much either.

The cafe food was rather ordinary, but i admit the food is indeed nice. I ate some fries with mayo($1.30) and drank a cup of Green Monster(green apple ice blended-$1.00). No wonder i couldn't eat much for dinner yesterday.

Mistral seven...maybe it's because the whether has been so bad these few days, adding to the cold Air-con lecture hall that has caused quite a few to have fallen sick. But one thing for sure...Mistral 7 is splitting. Just like today, the group got smaller and smaller. Many left the group to their own friends.
We got our classes today...Mistral 7 is totally separated. None of the M7 people were in the same class as i do. Sad...i guess it is time to prepare to meet new faces. Expected aint it? Good times are really meant to end someday.

CLAO lecture today...2 periods and it was enough to stress me up to start reading Chinese newspaper. The second speaker was a BITCH. Jacqueline had a stomach cramp and Michelle followed. I dunno what for, but Michelle came back to talk to the girls..i m sure it is of something important. And that big mouth teacher made blind assumptions of Michelle discussing things even going to toilet. Christopher was unlucky too...he said he was writing down some notes, but the teacher heard it mistakingly as "Sian" and reprimanded Chris. What cool teachers...IDIOTS.

I think i will go on for Econs. It is great and the tutor is great too.

Went across the bridge and saw Michelle and Averal. Chatted with them and their i got some recollections of Miss Koh. Til today, i have never being able to fully forgive her for what she did to me. Someday i will i guess. I don't wish to go into details of what i saw after the bus i took left the bus stop.

Evelyn..Talked to me in MSN. I guess other than finding out where i ended up in, she is really happy to have someone who loves her and whom she loves. Unfortunately, i had to ask her to stop after she said much about her future plans with Ahmad. I cannot listen on.
She was understanding, and started to comfort me.

Lots of revision to do...sigh.

"I waited all my life to cross this line, to the only thing that's true."
True...is what we humans have all seen all true?
What i believed to be true turned out to be a nightmare...4 months, maybe even 5 months of despair. But thanks to Yvonne, i managed to get back on my feet. Nonetheless, i cannot deny i haven fully stood up. I still need time.

"So i will not hide, it's time to try"
I guess so. I won't hide myself anymore. No matter what the real me is, i don't wanna be somebody NOT myself in front of others. I wanna be myself. Though i assume my real self now is a unhappy sort, i don't care. I just don't wish to be a hypocrite and act as if i am not a sad person in real. Be myself, and this way others will trust me.

Much has happened. 4 years of secondary school life just passed. Looking back, lots of good and bad memories embarked with me towards my new life and school. I have also discovered...that 4 years of secondary school was just a stage of growing up and experiencing.
JC...this is what i mean by "this is just the beginning".
The beginning of the real test of determination, peseverence, courage. And also the preparation for NS. This is all just the beginning and 4 years of Secondary schooling is just a warm up.
The true undertaking is now.

"And then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on. And you cast your fears aside. And you know you can survive. So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong. And you'll finally see the truth, that a Hero lies in you".
Yep. Hero. I won't give up. I am already here.

"You don't have to be afraid of what you are."
From the song Hero, Mariah Carey.
My day concludes.

2005-04-01T18:44:00.000-08:00

A Short but LONGGGGG day...

Today's schedule is the shortest. Only GP lecture and CIP talk and Online registration of combination.
I have quite a few probs to worry about now.
No CCA.
My Leg.
Combination.
Uniform set number 2.

Combination is settled today, so 1 down, 3 to go. Poof..

Everyone was playing jumping game outside the fish tank(which is actually the study area, which looks really like a fish tank, thus the name.)"1 2 3 JUMP!" We have long jumpers, cunning jumpers, dancing jumpers, hip-hop jumpers and of course, not forgetting the have-a-bit-of-problems-jumping Jumper.
Simple, childish and little lame, but is really an enjoyable game that brings people together. Mistral 7 were all happily playing. Today was one of the best days Mistral 7 gathered. Though thr Principal came later on to disperse the crowd, we had fun at the end too.

In the computer lab after our online registration, we stayed on in the lab to visit other sites. Mostly, Friendster and of course, Blogspot.
Speaking of which, mistral 7 has a blog too! HURRAY!! but unfortunately, it is still pretty much under construction. I hope Syareal can manage. But once it is done, i am sure it would be really interesting. A blog juz for Mistral 7.

Sad to say, sooner or later, Mistral 7 will split and find new friends soon. Once we are all divided into our own classes, we won't much time together anymore. Maybe good times are really meant to end someday. However, good memories doesn't. No matter what happen to Mistral 7 in future, i will never forget the days we all had fun together, in the early days of my JC life. My first companions and friends whom i depended on.
Well, it is inevitable that everyone still has their own preferences and their own life to move on right? Hopefully my class will be a good class with really fun people just like Mistral 7 so that i won't be so bored in my study life. Come to think of it, it aint such a bad thing not being able to take F.Maths after all, cause i won't have to see...

Hopefully my class will have guys as active as Nicholas and all the other guys and girls as lively(not forgetting, pretty too..LOLX...just kidding) as Ruth and Michelle and company.
New socks and shoes are now no longer new, all dirty and smelly. Though after washing, it will not be original, it still looks new and comfprtable to wear. Thats the most important.

Oh yes, I did a triple kill in the Jumping game today. had problems jumping, but luck allowed me to kill 3 at a time. No matter how much i kill, i can never beat today's Most kills. Terence! He killed 5 people at one shot and we(i was one of them..) still blur blur dunno we die, and there Terence is telling me it is my turn, when me and those beside me were all dead.

After the SRJC, i went back to Damai Sec for NCC. My oh my...there are wearing No.1s !!
If i was born a year later.. But who cares, at least i have became a CSM before, more than what i expected. Cheeleong and company came shortly after my arrival. Long time no see friend!
Not forgetting(though i have actually forgotten) Yihao, who says i never write him in my blog entries for so long when i haven even seen him at all recently! Zhu Tou..

So tiring...so tired that i forgotten about the pain on my leg. I guess not noticing and not thinking too much about it is really the anaesthesia(compliments to Angelina for correcting my spelling from anaestasia to anaesthesia).
What a long long day, woot, at least tomorrow i won't have to wake up early, but neither can i go out...No one to go out with. I am sure Mistral 7 has their own programs. I guess i should stay at home and find solutions to my troubles. Moreover, with my leg like this, i better stay home.
It is also good for me...the whole day at home to do physical workout to train my Puny build up.

My day concludes. Concluded fairly well, and of course,happy..which is what i haven concluded my day with for some time. Thanks Mistral 7!

2005-03-31T18:51:00.000-08:00

I Am But A Foolish Man
With The Only Love In His Heart
The Rain May Come, The Sun May Set
But I'll Never Let You Go.

All I Need Is Your Love
To Hear You Say That I Am Yours
So Tell Me Now And Show Me How
I Could Be Your Better Man.

I'll Surrender Everything Just To Be With You.
There's No One Else In This World Like You
You Make Me Real.
And I'll Cross Every Ocean Just To Be With You.
Baby You're My Dreams And You're My Soul
You Make Me Real.

Great day, but a pity i couldn't join them for movies.
Painkiller wore off, leg gets rather painful.
Courses make my mind goes round. Round and round...dunno what to choose. Must consult my brother.
Nothing much to write about. No girlfriends that's why...LOLX, NOT!!

Well the lyrics are just a start, then some boring sounding summary for the day. Truly not much happened, just that they went for movies and i wasn't able to join them. First time being to Plaza Singapura...Mountain Turtle eh?

Lets conclude here.
My day concludes. Lets see what's installed for me tomorrow. And i wonder when will the thing waiting for me there show up..have a feeling it won't be so soon, but is something very near to me.
What is it!?

2005-03-30T17:12:00.000-08:00

What a day...a tired and bothering day indeed.

First was the operation in the morning. The "mole" was sucessfully removed and my wound stitched back. 5 stitches, and they will be removed 2 weeks from now. The test results of the "mole" will also released on the day of my stitch removal.

The injection of the painkiller was painful. Like i say, the "mole" was particular sensitive to knocks..slight knocks and pressure. So imagine the sensitive thing been poke by a needle. But soon after, my knee went numb. I couldn't feel any pain while the doctor was cutting the skin away. I took a peek when the doctor wasn't looking...my god..what a big hole on my knee! with lots of fresh red blood too. But fortunately there is no pain.

Sadly, the doctor did not give me any MC or painkillers. The painkiller effect injected into my knee is starting to wear off and i am starting to feel slight pains when i bend my knee. How uncomfortable and inconvenient..

I went back to school as there is no MC to excuse myself. But Mistral 7 was partly the factor why i was willing to go back. They were kind to ask about me and Syreal(the correct spelling) was cheering "yay!".

CCA recruitment is the bothersome issue. All the trials are place within these week and next week. However, i won't be able to do any vigorous activites for 2 weeks!
Well, i made up my mind. I decided not to engage in any CCA for now. I will choose my CCA only when my assigned tutor ask me bout it. If no one ask me about why i have no CCA, i will remain "CCAless". Hopefully it won't really affect my administration to University for not being sporty enough.
Everyone was showing their EZ link cards and the cute faces of their younger days. Nicholas openly laughed at Michelle's "boy" picture. Good thing my picture is a recent picture. Thanks to my doggy Milo who bit my previous card and chipped one corner away.

Vincent's nice. He lent me his umbrella knowing he would get wet himself without the umbrella. He told me to worry bout my own leg and nothing else. Syahida(correct spelling) too, persuaded me to take the umbrella.

ARGH...it sucks not being able to bend my leg. Sucks to the core. It hurts upon pressure and bending. Initially there was no blood on the bandage...Now the whole bandage is mostly RED.
Seeing so much blood staining the bandage really gets on my nerves . Ouch!

Fortunately i wasn't too wet thanks to the umbrella. I sheltered Michelle across the bridge as well. Eh..guilty..cause i didn't shelter her well enough and her sleeve were drenched.
But as long as no one gets sick, it doesn't really matter eh!?
"I don't wish to get involved". Well said, i will bear this in mind. Somehow it is true after some thought. Lets just move on and get it over with in the 2 years and put the past behind me. It wasn't a bad thing to have left her after all!

My day concludes. Lets see what's installed for me tomorrow. But first i got to think about my leg...OUCH!

2005-03-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

These 2 days have been really fun.

Yesterday's activities comprises of Mass games, Station games and the Fiesta night.

To me, the last 2 of the activities were the most enjoyable and exciting, though they can be a little lame and annoying for certain things such as the game ICs. One particular station's game IC have a cocky attitude. So what if you are a year 2 student? Does that mean you are the boss of your peers? Cockanaden.

Fiesta night was performances brought by the PLs of every Orientation family.
Though the grand winner of the 3 days of the orientation was Inferno, i wasn't too disappointed. At the very least i enjoyed myself for the past few days.
And of course, i finally got to know the people in my OG, especially the girls whom i particularly didn't have the courage to approach them.
Fortunately, they approached me during the games. Out of a sudden during the midst of the excitement, we just joked and talk to each other..that's why i said they approached me first.

Can't blame me..i am really shy towards girls unless i know them well. My impression is that girls don't like guys who talk too much..which is why i am rather quiet unless i have something that i find necessary to tell or ask.
But i was fortunate that the girls in my OG were ALL very very outgoing and sporty, and thus they didn't mind talking to guys like me.
Therefore, i got to know them yesterday and of course, today.
Not forgetting the boys too...My impression of some of them totally changed after today.
Examples are Nicholas and some others. Nicholas in my first impression of him is that he is rather noisy and purposely don't engage in the activities. But after today's chat with him in the morning, i found him rather interesting to make friends with. His noisy nature isn't so bad, cause they all contain humour, which is why i don't mind him talking so much already.

Poh Heng finally smiled after these few days. The first time i saw him, he had an extremely serious expression that i thought he was a Gangster for a moment!
But now, i find him rather outgoing too, especially today when he showed us his HUNK picture in his handphone. 6 PADS!!
And there Nicholas is saying that his pads are "United Nations" and will never be separated like Poh Heng's. Everyone laughed, and for me, i finally was able to laugh out loud with slight happiness in my heart. It was great to know them.

The indonesian Vincent was a nice guy too. Volunteered to be the blindfold man yesterday.
He and ZhiYuan are boht of NCC too. At least i had some topics to discuss about when i was with them.

Michelle in particular left a great impression in my mind. Very Very active and outgoing and open minded too. Not forgetting, she is rather silly sometimes. But the interesting thing is that she laughs at her own silliness. The past few days she has been guiding our OG and bringing up much energy into the group. No wonder she is so tired today...she must have given us her liveliness.

If i didn't spell wrongly, Shahidah, the only malay girl in our OG. Haha, she is humourous too!
Something about her is she smiles a lot at everyone. It feels comfortable when someone smiles to me. Well...it really depends!
And there is this Jacqueline(not the one from my school mind you)...Long hair and she resembles my ex-classmate Kassyn. Well at least she doesn't have the proud look, but rather humble. Thats the look i am talking about..who knows she can be really a showoff? But lets hope she is not. Another outgoing and active girl who is very eager in participating in all the activities.

Erm...lemme recall..YES, Angelina. The girl from Nan Qiao(i think so). All i can say bout her is the language she use, be it chinese or english, is quite profound and inteligent sounding. Talks a lot too. Ok, next is Regina. A short hair girl whom in school uniform will conceal her active and outgoing side. She looks really like the quiet sort. However, the very first day of the orientation, i knew she was the active and not-very-quiet type when she Die Die refused to lead the OG to cheer. The other 2 days proved it further, namely yesterday when she changed into her PE attire. Challenging girl indeed.

James, a gentle guy whose CCA was choir in Sec sch. Sadly, he will be leaving us soon. He received a call from TPJC, telling him his appeal was successful.
I won't forget Christopher and the other Vincent. However i didn't get to know them well enough to write something about them. Sharel too, he has simply too many things to write about that i don't think i can write them all. I just have to say he is a simply GREAT guy.

Last but never the least, Cheryl. She is the active, but a girl of few words.
We took the same bus home today, she alighted earlier than me. She sat beside me due to the lack of space(she was nice enough to give me face by not shifting her seats when other seats were available. Trust me, it is really an embarassing thing to sit somewhere else from someone you know cos it makes them think that u dun like them).
Chat a bit with her and got to know which school she came from, what CCA she wants to take and what her JAE choices were. I was afraid to ask more, just in case she finds me too talkative. I listened to my music after that and slept, leaning against my own fist. Being polite, she gave me a tap to wake me up when she was about to alight.

Thats about all that happened recently. My operation is tomorrow at 10am. After the OP, i told myself that i am going back to sch FOR SURE. Can't wait to see my bunch of new friends.

My day concludes.

2005-03-27T23:34:00.000-08:00

For now, nothing could be more exciting than wearing new shoes and socks to school.
Especially when you go to school thinking about what exactly is the "subject" that is waiting for you and fated to keep you down in SRJC.

Just like my brother said i am fated to remain here and that something is waiting for me there.
Everyday going to school, thinking about this "something" just makes everyday in school a new and exciting day. Be it good or bad, pass or fail, up or down, everyday will still be a new and exciting day.

Lets just hope this "something" is really something good waitinf for me.
Well, i am quite sure it is something pleasant. If it isn't, i don't see a reason why i still have to be fated to stay in this school. Something nice and unexpecting is awaiting.
I wouldn't say the same for everyone else, but for me, that's how i feel. I trust fate thingy and of course i trust my Brother.

Got new pair of shoes and socks TOMORROW! HURRAY!
Well, though new things will be worn old after some time, this new pair of socks and shoes are long lasting and most importantly, extremely comfortable and light.
Very suitable for sports, especially running. Light and well ventilated.
I WILL use it for sports and also my outing wear.
THANKS BRO! Thanks for the cool shoes.

Woot...it's late now...got last orientation tomorrow.
Lasting til 8pm..I gotta sleep well and of course need lots of strength to make tomorrow a new and exciting day.

I found my answers!

"If i see them, what do i tell myself?"
Ans: We are over and we will not have anything to do with each other anymore. I wouldn't spoil my mood when i see them. New Life, New Love!
"How to motivate myself?"
Ans: Still the same, the 40+ % admission to University each year.
In addition, keep everyday new and exciting. Remember, something pleasant is awaiting.

My Day Concludes. Right here and right now.
Man i am getting really excited about tomorrow. More excited than seeing my girlfriend(if i had one). Well, nothing beats a new and happy day right? Who knows what's installed there in my days ahead in SRJC? SOMETHING GREAT!
Hehe, Happy now Suyee?

2005-03-25T22:31:00.000-08:00

http://my.so-net.net.tw/sirwang/fur.wmv

This link shows a cruelty clip of this type of mammals whose skin is used for clothings...
The clip shows how its skin was extracted. The whole cruel process.
While watching, i imagined my own skin being peeled off alive. I was too filled with sympathy and anger. Both me and my brother lasted not more than 7 minutes in this 16+ minutes clip.

I want to post this clip to all who reads my blog to let all of you be aware that there are many things on the other side of the world that we are blind to and that they won't me made known to us through media itself.

I hate those people in the clip. These are the people who truly cannot be forgiven.
If you have a heart and knows sympathy, i would expect you not being able to watch this fully.
Live and Death. Such is HUMANITY?
I find myself such a disgrace as a human after watching this. How could anyone do such a thing if he has a heart?
NO...those people only cares bout making a living...
Money...they are blinded by greed. To survive, we humans kill other animals or even other people to fill our desires.
Furthermore, mankind constantly depletes the Earth's resources and damage nature. Polar Ice Caps melts rapidly each year and this situation is still ignored.

How i wish i as a Geog student can do something to help the planet. But what can one person do!?
It is not as if one person in this world recycles can save the whole world! The whole worlds needs to recycle!

I pray for the poor animals in that clip that their soul would rest in peace and they will reborn into more fortunate animals in their next life so that they do not have to endure such pains.

My day concludes...
Lord I'm Doing All I Can...To Be A Better Man.

2005-03-25T11:20:00.000-08:00

Ahh...What a morning!
It's GOOD FRIDAY!!

Early morning blog for all my resolutions for my coming days ahead.

No longer confused. I made up my mind to proceed in SRJC. I am ready for what's waiting for me. The thing that made me fated to stay in this school.
I'll accept fate this time.Or even all the time??

Hopefully my day won't be spoiled.
But guess what, someone's bound to spoil it. That provided if i don't check my blog for the whole of today.

The operation for my leg is next week on Wednesday. Yesterday's just a checkup..Fear for nothing.
But the operation will be a 10 minute procedure. Great...
The scar will be twice the length of the original. Stitches will be removed 2 weeks after the Op.
Price is around $160++. I would like to comment this on the price: WA LAN.

Bro:"Who knows what's installed there for u? I went to tkss and met four lovely frends and experienced NCC. Who knows?? u might meet some fucking good friends there or u may learn someting valuable tat Sec sch has not shown u?"

2 years...When will the "Awaiting" show up?
All i can say is, lets just not talk about it and be patient. What has to come has to come. What's fated to come is fated to show.
It will always show up at the moment when you are least aware of it. But i'll be ready.

Search For Thyself

2005-03-24T18:57:00.000-08:00

The appealed failed. Sorry Serene, but you will have to go there alone.

I lost to the JC year 2 badminton player. The procedure wasn't a test of skills, but it was more of a challenge.
And to challenge a Trained player with only "three leg cat" skills is simply Egg Ramming Into A Stone.

I guess i am fated to study in SRJC.
The coin i spun yesterday already told me not to appeal. Today's "trial" proved the coin right.
I SMSed bro after the event. He replied..

"As i've said before. I was fated to go TKSS even though i passed my appeal to Anglican High through Table Tennis. But ever since i got into TKSS, i've never regretted. Maybe there's meant to be something waiting."

I trust only my bro. He always helped me and everything always turned out right. At the worse, turned out Fine.
I guess i will stick to SRJC. I am really interested to know what's meant to be waiting for me over there.
Maybe i will see shooting stars in the bright early morning?
Maybe some miracles will happen there?
Maybe i will be one of the 40+ percent of JC students who make it to University? But i will i WILL work hard for this. NO MORE DISTRACTIONS AND FULL FORCE VEOTEX!

Certain answers i found.

"If my appeal fails, how do i motivate myself?"
Ans: The 40+ percent going to U will be my Drive. I must go all out.
"If i see them, what do i tell myself?"
Ans: Nothing at all. You have nothing to do with them any longer. But if they purposely try anything funny on u, you still have a last resort measure.
"Will i be alone?"
Ans: Let it be. Loneliness beats having friends that stabs you from the back.
"What course to take?"
Ans: I have already made decisions. No fret.
"Can i make it?"
Ans: Dunno. But will persevere and go all out.
Grade: Fair Enough.

My day concludes. Fair conlusion. And oh my Von's bloggy is really nice. But where the heck is my blog's MUSIC??? Suyee, thanks, but help me out!!

And just an addition. I wlould like to make this clear to YOU SUYEE and everyone else that i m not trying to attract any form of sympathy for all i wrote in this blog.
I dun need any sympathy. I am plainly speaking my feelings and no other stupid intentions of getting pity from Anyone. Get it SUYEE?

2005-03-24T15:39:00.000-08:00

I wonder when was the time when i last smiled happily.

The answer: I guess it was months ago.
I smiled everyday, but none of the smiles were happy. None were true smiles with happiness in the heart.
The true self within me is starting to, or maybe have already taken over my cover, exposing the real me inside. Bad...how could i ever let the world see the true unhappy me.
Inevitable as it seems, there is nothing i can do to stop my real self from tearing my cover apart.
I don't wish to show the sad face to all my friends...or smile with fake happiness to them.
I want to be honest to everyone...show them the real me. But the real me...gets worse and worse and the wounds opens deeper when it heals. I will never want to face my friends if i continue to be like this.
Solution? My true side has to morph from unhappy to real happiness. So that the true me that i show to others is more...Presentable.
Easier said than done...

If this continues, i'll make sure i will not face any of my friends anymore. Even if it takes me to be solitary or solo, i will do it.
Ruined...totally ruined...
They took away the pride and confidence i had in myself, but was never apologetic.
They did nothing wrong...But they never understood, and never appreciated. Let alone being conscious about how other people feels.
Selfish beings.

I trusted the wrong people...all the while in my life i trusted the wrong people. Elizabeth from my workplace, My secondary school buddies...i trusted them wrongly. They betrayed the trust i had in them.
Now...the closest people lied to me. LIED...
I will never trust another person again. Never..
True friends? Bullshit...they are just trying to hurt me by consistantly treating me as "Friend".

Share Weals And Woes.
Crap phrase. In real world, no friend's totally true to another.
The one i ever thought was the most true is just another "Worse Person" in my mind.

I wonder how big my bottle is. Having a blog slightly increases the capacity of my bottle.
Since there's no one i can trust now, i need a big bottle to bottle things.
So just bear with me and let me pour some things away through this...

FUCK THEM ALL BITCHES AND BASTARDS WHO WORTHS NO FUCKING TRUST.

2005-03-23T20:23:00.000-08:00

Confused...Lost...Afraid...Sad...

Why is it that i wanted to appeal out of a sudden?
I don't know why...i seriously don't know...I thought it might be avoiding them, but i realized it is not.

Probably because i knew Serene succeeded through badminton which triggered me to try as well.
Probably because i saw many people appealing out too, and afraid to be alone.
Probably it is really because of them too.
Probably...probably it is because of all these reasons that made me want to appeal for another JC.

Hearing what Shuling said, i decided to go on studying in SRJC should my appeal to TPJC becomes unsuccessful. I don't wish to go for the badminton trial.
But what made me so agitated today...i haven been able to figure it out. I was so tensed, so confused i rubbed my hands against each other...
Now my right thumb feels so painful. Tomorrow i still have to go through an Op..most probably la..

I seriously don't need anybody to care for me. ESPECIALLY them. I would appreciate very much if they leave me alone for whatever happens to me. Even if i die..

Never in my life i felt so lost..
Made big decisions without seeking my family for opinion. However, i told them after making my appeal and they were supportive of my decision.
From today onwards, i will never use a coin to decide my path anymore.
I guess i just need to be left alone somewhere quiet to sort out my thoughts and questions that i m not able to answer for.

"If my appeal to TPJC fails, how should i motivate myself to persevere on in SRJC?"
"If my appeal succeeds, how should i perform in Badminton in future?"
"If i see them, what should i tell myself?"
"Will i be left alone?"
"What course to take?"
"Can i make it?"

The only answers i have now(in order of questions)
1)Just persevere lor.
2)Liddat lor.
3)I dun love them anymore.
4)Alone den alone lor. No one cares.
5)Choose what i like lor.
6)Try lor.
REMARKS: Total Disappointment.

Will someone just tell me what to do..?
My day...concludes? Concluded? Wasn't it concluded? Or has it not? What are the days ahead of me?

Accept it Veotexhybrid...No one's there for you.

2005-03-23T16:57:00.000-08:00

What for...what for...They are no longer my friends and yet they constantly hurt me.
Especially her..Why in the blue HELL did she call out to me in SRJC just now!?

Going for minor operation in Changi Hospital tomorrow..No one's going with me..Bearing the fear alone.Sad.Wonder what will become of my leg after that..But like i say, minor. It won't be a prob..maybe just got to learn to adapt to it.

I just hope my appeal to TPJC will be a success so that i can leave the both of them there for their own romantic schooling without having to see me. This is saying in a nice way.
Say it in a bad way, i just wanna get the hell out of that JC so that i won't have to see what i never wish to see again.
I have already given them my blessings, yet of all things they do they freaking CALL OUT to me and Tagged something in my Tagboard.

I don't need HER to show me how happy she is with Guan Hui right now. If SHE is happy, then so be it! Why the FUCK does she have to call out to me and talk to me? Trying to show me how happy she is Steading with HIM?
I don't need that! Seriously!

I don't need to talk to them and i DON'T wish to talk to them.
So please STOP fucking call out my name and talk to me. I consider myself VERY unlucky seeing the both of them PARADING themselves in front of everyone already, so don't ever expect me to CHAT with them. NEVER.

I know i am a Freethinker but i will still say this.
Oh Heavens! Please make my appeal to TPJC a success...
I spunned a coin to decide whether to appeal or not, the coin said Don't appeal.
BUT the DECISION is MINE, not the Coin's.

BETRAYAL and UNAPPRECIATIVE. I hate these words, and i hate the people who does them or posesses them as a Personality.

My day concludes early. Truly pissed off and in a bad mood. Not just them. but the JC too.
I'll end off with: Let them FUCK all they want, but don't try to FUCK in front of me.

2005-03-21T21:26:00.000-08:00

I've got nothing much more to say.

Before getting results...i feared so much and finally able to relax after getting the results.
However...now...i fear just as much as the time i get back my results..
My posting of school. It is just tomorrow.

Looking back, i can only wonder to myself how fast time has passed.
Four years. I once thought it was four long years..But now i realized four years is just like a blink of an eye.
It really feels like yesterday was my first day in NCC. In year 2000.
I was still that small little boy. Small in size but loud in voice and always seeking attention from everyone.
I refused to admit that i do, but looking back, i cant help but scold myself "childish".
Have i changed? I wonder...if i did, i hope i changed for the better.

The first day in school...the orientation camp...and also my first crush.
I just wish to be honest to myself, my blog and all that reads this. The girl is Xiuting.
My best friend Yongzhi, whom should have assumed that i forgotten bout him.
Everyone...Boonseng, Steven, Jonatha, and my partner sitting beside me, Suhardi.
And not forgetting, my form teacher that i detest most. Kwa is the name.
It was also in my Sec 1 and 2 life that i realized my "Loyalty" quality. All thanks to Ivy, Shuling and many of my friends that time, who always used that word to describe me.
Still, i wonder if i m really a loyal person..In context, "loyal" alone is too vague. In what ways am i loyal? Beats me.

Sec 2 life...first day in school...new girl in class.I don't wish to elaborate.
It was also sec 2 when i started to know Shuling better and Alas, Buddies we became.
But because she was a great friend that i started to become too dependant on her. Always seeking her for advice and often getting into trouble. She taught me how to make my own decisions, after i ended the friendship about half a year ago.
Now? haha...we definitely aint close like last time anymore. Partly because i haven been the happy me i used to me. I m starting to feel like i m becoming more and more like Dad(mum said he used to be very talkative and jokes a lot when he was younger, but now as he grows older, he only show his Open-mindedness to those he is close with. Or else, QUIET).
Gosh...i don't wish to be old so fast!

Sec 3, separated from everyone. Work increases.
Also the year where i finally gave up on my crush Xiuting. Thanks to her rejecting me, i really appreciate what she did. I guess i understand what she means by i m not the one for her.
Wasn't a memorable year, except for the teacher...one of the best teachers i ever encountered.
Ang Ee Wei.
Sec 4? dun need to elaborate. Became CSM of NCC, Valentine's day Special, Campfire's Sweet Dreams and finally Heartbeaking Post O'lvl.

And now? JC? POLY? It all depends on tomorrow. All i can do is hope for the best that i can go to the school i wish to go to. I won't give up the thought of going in there even though my chances are low. Moreover, i believe in miracles.
Nevertheless, i wish everyone all the best.

One weird thing. Regarding my blogging. This entry...initally i planned to write only one sentence which is "I hope for the best, nothing more to say".
But as i started typing, i typed more than i initally just wanted to type. Much much more.
I guess i m really writing in all my feelings thats why. I have never been so honest to myself before.

My day concludes. I conclude this day wishing everyone conclude their Todays happily.

2005-03-19T10:39:00.000-08:00

Ahh what a morning..
But wonder when i will be able to wake up with eyes bright and smiles wide.

Yesterday's Suntec trip was great!
Went out with Celesse and she brought me to the food fair.
Well, she say food fair, but to me, she is just going there to patronize her friends and to see the Hunks tending to some stalls..and she DRAGGED me alone to see the guys.
Gosh! all i saw was Aunties...

It turns out that i ate more than her in the very end, though she seemed more enthusiatic than me when we were on the way there.
After the fair, we went to the Explanade, which was nearby.
I have the admit, it's my first time there. My the place is great and there is lots of interestin shops there!
It truly makes a good place to buy presents for your loved ones. However the things aint cheap..
But who cares? As long as your loved one is happy and as long as they accept NETS..lolx.

Took a stroll to the Merlion, then pass Fullerton and then to Clark Quay.
I intended to go to Bugis to do some things there and wanted Celesse to accompany me.
However, seeing her Beaten after all the walking, i wanted her to go home.
Moreover it was 5pm..If it was still early i would have went myself.
But i was tired too.

Playing the discman on the tracks of my favourite songs, i sat in the bus looking out of the window while listening to those music. Such mood and atmosphere with those songs, i couldn't help but gave a slight smile. It was relaxing and nostalgic.

My yesterday concludes. Concluded with more meaning than the past few days.
Hope today will be better...But how better can it get when i will be staying at home??
Haha, i'll see for myself.

2005-03-18T10:54:00.000-08:00

YAWN...i forgotten to update the bloggy yesterday..
Yihao sure is excited to see his named mentioned in my blog. It sure feels good eh?

Anyway, yesterday i woke up at 7am to prepare for NCC. The cycling trip to school was as if i was cycling on mud. Why? Because my front wheels are short of air! How could i ever forget bout giving my bike a pump..

No matter how hard it was, i still made it to school in the end.
Jogged with those boys and participated in their activities, especially Command and Control.
It was unexpected..they did better than i thought. And some of them did worse than i thought.
But i noe they will pass eventually.
Stood right under the red hot sun for hours. Not only me, but all the cadets and Specialists were roasted. Everyone went home tanned. And some seriously came for NCC as a malay, and went home as an Indian.

After the training, Yihao accompanied me to Mac for a bite.
We talked a lot...ranging from NCC to Relationship. Yet, he still refuses to tell me what exactly happened between he and Shili. WTF..i shared so much with him and he shared basically None.
But i was told that He called ChorSeng today to ask if i was in school. But after hearing that i WAS in school, He did not wish to come anymore.
I guess that's good for me and everyone. And of course Him as well.

Thinking of which, i haven been updating my blog for a few days now due to my reformatting of my PC. I have been quited cooped up with reinstalling some of the major programs necessary for me. Things like the Printer and Scanners are the few. And not forgetting, my games too...

Haven heard from Von for some time now. Is she ok? Hope she is.

What about me...Somehow i didn't feel much happier than recently. I do feel better i admit, but i lack a reason to smile, and i know i haven smiled much after all that has happened.
I have grown up much through the pain, now i only wish to be a better person. I don't want the old and Happy-Go-Lucky me(thats immature). Right now is all right, but just need to regain the happiness that i lost. I need to regain my confidence too.Much words from my Brother and my friends made me realized that i am not such a bad person that i think i am.
Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. But who knows?

My yesterday concludes. Wonder how today will be?
I'll see for myself later. My Suntec trip.

2005-03-13T00:44:00.000-08:00

Went Ubin with the NCC cadets today.

We decided upon the route to take by the 3 different groups.
I took group 3, along with Mr Lim, Kam Kit, Wei Keong and Yihao.
We took the longest yet the least complicated path, towards the quarry.

Well..we saw a few babes at the quarry.My oh my..i mean real Babes...

Nothing's much interesting. Basically i stood still as a sacrifice for my Cadets. What sacrifice? i stood there letting all the mosquitoes bite me, den i kill them.
I killed 13 females today(only female mosquitoes suck blood).

After the trip, we went Tampines KFC in Mr Phua's car.
"O Ya PEh Ya SOM!", Weizhi tookthe front seat.
"O Ya Peh Ya SOM!", i took the small cushion at the back seats..lolx.
"O Ya PEh Ya SOM!", Weizhi took the dollar we all found. GRR...

We all went for KFC for lunch, then we went TM's arcade.
Mr Phoa came along too...and even played some games. MODERN eh?
Yihao won both Chorseng and Weizhi in Daytona.
But Mr Phoa won Yihao. LOLX...shame on you man.
I treated to Yihao to Hitch after the games. Chor Seng and Weizhi left wif Mr Phoa.

Lets go into personal feelings. I have decided to forget them both, but at the same time give them my blessings. I also wish i do not see them anymore in my life. The scar opens whenever they are present in front of me.
All i wanna do now is to recuperate from my Flu and cough...and also recuperate from the injury in my soul.

Seeing Yihao's HP today..."Shili HP". I was allowed to peek. I was so jealous.
Thinking of Charlotte and Chor Seng.
Thinking of Hong Yi and Sean.
Thinking of them..the couples...
I wonder how long has it been since someone SMSed me at night before i sleep to tell me "Take Care Junsheng, sweet dreams and Goodnight!".
Notice i din mention "I love u" inside? Cause i know no one really will.

Am i born to be scolded? Seeing Gary and Minghui facing a problem jus makes me wanna help them though they are too young. But showing concern just pissed Von off...
She thinks i am angry with her still for scolding me just now.
Maybe i just sound a little too serious.. I haven got the mood to joke much lately. Probably too bored, too tired, sick and lonely.

My day concludes...hope the next few days will be happier and better.

2005-03-11T03:07:00.000-08:00

Haven been updating for some time. Suyee was helping me revive the blog and putting songs and all sorts.
By the way, the song doesnt show anything that i m happy. In fact, i am only feeling better, not happier. I just cant find the song i want to be used for my blog. This song will be a temporary one.

Went for NCC today. Mum called me to go back home ASAP. She forgotten to bring her keys and i had to open up the door for her. I couldnt cycle back home as a sunny rain was pouring. Had to take a cab and borrow an unbrella from the NCC in the end. What did mum say in the end? "paiseh hor, i pay u ur cab fare".
What can i say? she's my mum.

My flu haven got any better. So hasn't my cough. NCC training today was smooth, didn't punish much. However...who i don't wish to see came today.
I had no reason to say No. But his presence made my world fall back to loneliness. I already willingly gave them blessings...all i asked for is i won't have to see them again.
Camp next week is cancelled. Now i got to re-plan all my schedule, or those slots would be empty.

Talk about schedule...whats the point of planning it anyway. I always go out alone...How occupied i can be can never compete with how lonely i can be.
Sometimes i just wonder to myself if reviving this blog is a right choice.
But it is already revived...I will let Suyee and those who helped me down. I guess i will just move on.
But updating is such a hard thing for me..Firstly, who reads?
And also..looking at my previous post...i guess i haven felt very much better, though i AM indeed better.

I feel different. Knowing the both of them are happily together makes me feel relieved and happy. I no longer feel betrayed or unappreciated. I really feel happier knowing they are happy, and i look forward to knowing more bout their development.
But strangely, i never hope to see them again.

I don't feel very down right now, but thinking that no one would understand me, i wished i could just talk to somebody.
Von, where are you when i needed you...
Liqi, where are you too?
I m always so emotional...Well, if shuling was here, she will tell me "get a life".

Maybe i really should. But i am already trying my best to feel better and to find back all my lost happiness and confidence.
Von would always tell me that i can do it. But doing it is not as easy as i want it to be. Setbacks lay their way to beat me backwards.

I dunno why i am gonna do this, but if whoever knows the reason why i wanna post this lyrics, do let me know.

I wont talk
I wont breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think i dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
Im attached to you
Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afarid to know the awnsers
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

Ive waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So i wont hideIts time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life ive waited
This is true

You dont know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
Im afarid to move
Im weak
Its true
Im just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?

Ive waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So i will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life ive waited
This is true

I know when i go ill be on my way to you
The way thats true

Ive waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So i will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life ive waited
This is true.

2005-03-03T00:36:00.000-08:00

FUCKING lame blog..i condemn this fuking lame blog.
It causes only more pain and sadness.
Stupid blog. And more of the STUPID OWNER.
Writing down stupid and lame memories which he thinks is PRECIOUS

FUCKING LAMER. J.S. U FUCKING LAMER.
U and HER R OVER! So r u and GUAN HUI. So STOP ur Fucking NONSENSE.
BULLSHIT person. GIV IT UP and GIV THEM UR WORTHLESS BLESSINGS.
She is NOT mEANT FOr U. STOP tHINKING u CAN Win ANYTHING.

U CAn WIn only FUCKING SHIT.
F-U-C-K-I-N-G SHIT!!!
Veotex's a LAMER. LAMER. A big time LAMER.
Veotexhybrid is SHIT FROM THE FUCKING TOILET. ASs off HOME TO HELL U CRAPSTER.

U WORTH NO Friendship FROM HIM. U WORTH NO FUCKING LOVE FROM YAN...!!

Fucking PIECE OF SHIT. YOUUUU!!! J.S!!!

2005-03-02T13:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's memories, recorded today.

I went to get my Singpass yesterday afternoon at a nearby CC.
Fortunately, the CC is only within walking distance, thus making it very convenient for me.
The applying for the Singpass was really faster than i expected. Just fill in some forms and give your IC and Student Pass and think of an eight digit number and WALLA--your pass is ready.
My pass is ********

I went to Bugis straight after applying for my Singpass. I decided to offer some joss sticks in the Kuan Yin temple to show my gratitude for the blessings of my results. Though i am a freethinker, i still have a partial Buddhist devotion, thus explains my praying to Gods.
And of course, i didn't go there just to thank the goddess, but i also prayed for some other things.
What things? I cannot say or they won't come true. But they definitely got to do with myself and of course, the people around me.

I looked at the time on my HP and felt it was rather early to go home. So i took an MRT towards Pasir Ris and see if there is any places I have not really went to before.
And There..Paya Lebar. That big...erm...Shopping centre? Whatever. However, the weird thing is that the shops are all in the basement, while upstairs are the offices and a post office.
Nothing much to look at, but the popular caught my interest. Lets be honest, games were the first things i looked at when i went inside.
Then i went on to look at computer books and stuff. Nothing much useful. Paya Lebar...nostalgic eh? Feels like i have some memories related to that place but i just can't remember what it is.

Yeah and the usual routine back home...i won't go into detail.
On bus 222, the bus that takes me home, i saw My mum's good friend who just lives in the opposite block. Auntie Carol, and her daughter too.
My Oh My...Look At That..I mean..Look At Her...
She is only Sec 2, but oh my...she sure is Attractive. And i mean ATTRACTIVE.
I went home and my mum told me bout Carol's daughter. In fact, model companies are eyeing to take her in already. My...she is only sec 2...
Ya, and her ambition is to be a Model.M-O-D-E-L.

2005-02-28T05:08:00.000-08:00

Woot.
Have not beeing updating these few days. Busy working and of course, the releasal of results made me lose mood to write my blog.

But anyway, here i am again.(like who cares...)

Firstly, lets talk bout results.
HAHA, i unexpectedly did better than i thought i would.
Especially my English and science.
Overall, R4 13, R5 16. Not VERY gd, but neither is it VERY bad. At least it was much better than i ever expected. Really thank my teachers, friends and family. Especially my mother who always prayed for me and made tonics for me during the exams.

Last but NEVER the least...Yan...who told me this Yesterday.
"U believed in urself. U have been believing. And u always will".

Sorta brightened me up...because i always though i have lost the will to believe in myself, until she told me that whatever i did, i have believed myself. Thanks Yan..

My bro will owe me a big meal this time.
"If ur R5 get 20 and below, i treat u to a meal. Lets not say meal la, i mean a big one la."
HAHAHA...

I am very very very very happy for what results i achieved today. It is really out of my expectations. Much better than i always thought i would do. And of course, I gave myself a small celebration by treating a few of my NCC boys to lunch. To think they said they will eat a 50 bucks out of me. Guess what? they ate only 18 bucks. LOUSY!!

Though happy, my day is not totally happy. Results, yes, i would say i am really very happy.
But...seeing some things..some scenes...some people...made me feel rather down. I felt sorry for those who studied hard yet couldn't achieve what they expected of themselves. I saw them crying painfully...yet i did not dare to tell them to relax. I was really afraid of agitating them even more. But i wish that they will find a way out. I know they will.

Seeing her..i wished i never saw her..but this is how small the school actually is. There is nothing i can do. But...she is still as...Beautiful..as i always knew. Still gentle and loving.

Mum's the happiest person today, after hearing the news from my brother. My bro was happy for me too. However, i felt i let Mrs Oon down. All her years her students never really scored below B3. But i scored a B3.
I apologized to her just now in school. She said...
"It's ok la, not bad la, considering u always flung for my sub one."
Though it WAS a little sarcastic, but i know she meant well.

Guan Hui's up to something...maybe having a new girlfriend. But that KuKu dun wanna tell me who is it..
Grrr.

Oh and YES...i cannot forget this great friend of mine whom is her birthday today.Happy Birthday HUIJING!!
And Clarence...take good care of her.

My day concludes. Gotta spend some time these few days in serious consideration bout my next step.
Lucky me Lucky me LUCKY.

-I remembered buying her a necklace for her birthday..-

2005-02-23T22:45:00.000-08:00

You lose something and gain something each day.
Now i really agree with this sentence. I gained much today, but so have i lost much.

Lolx...Elizabeth did not report my dispute with her on Saturday to my manager. I guess she must be guilty of wad she did. Boss Andrew said it was interesting.
Well, at least he believed me...He expected Eliz not to disturb me these few days. I mean, she can always TRY.

I seriously felt much better now. No longer feeling so sad and more accepting of many things. Though i lost something big today, i didn't really regret...Cause if it is meant to be lost, it is meant to be lost. There's no way i can prevent that from happening. Anyway i gained as much as i lost today. My heart don't feel very painful for the loss.
I m sure i will get something better in time to come as a balance for my loss.
God is always fair to everyone. I just hope that the something better will really be something BETTER.

Friday is my off day...but i doubt i will have much mood for anything else that day...
Monday is the next off day. I wonder where i should go or what i should do. Really feel like going Bugis again. This time to really get the RAM i want. 60 bucks...lolx.
Stupid spyware infecting my whole com. When is my bro's friend free for a reformat... I already eyed on the RAM..
Days at home are really bored...i want some OFF DAYS!!

My day concludes here. Nothing big, nothing small. Just nice.
Mood? haha...not happy, not sad. Enough for a good night sleep.

2005-02-22T19:00:00.000-08:00

Today i stayed at home.

My brother did not reply me regarding his friend's recommendations bout what RAM i should get.

Come to think of it, other than lunch whereby i went to the living room, for like bout 10 minutes, I have not stepped out of my room for more than 5 minutes today.

Something's burning...some burnt smell reeks my whole house...
Some place burning? Nope..checked everywhere...I think it is another country that's causing it.

Thinking bout tomorrow bores me. That stupid Elizabeth...Always thought she was the nicest lady around there among my colleagues...And guess what, she is the biggest devil of all in kids inc.
She tries another funny thing on me again and i assure her i m not just gonna shout at her like i did a few days ago...but will fight back. I mean it.

Memories...If i was a robot, this is what the command line will look like:
Default mood: Lonely
Default Emotion: Quite Down
Default Thought: No one needs me, No one appreciates.

Stupid eh?

Stupid internet...dunno what's wrong with singtel again. Can't even get to their technical support hotline. Whole system down. After an afternoon nap then the whole system went back normal again. Gosh..

I'll conclude my day here. Though it's a little early, but i m sure nothing interesting will happen later.

2005-02-22T14:42:00.000-08:00

Sorry, blog is much still under construction.
But be assured, i will get it done up as soon as i can.

Went to Bugis yesterday. I was really bored at home and i couldn't find anyone to go out with me.
Do i have a choice? Guess i have to go out alone.
Lemme emphasize here--> A-L-O-N-E.

However, it was a worthy trip, though i went out on my own. Firstly, i went to the Temple to pray. Offered some incense of course.
Then i went to Sim Lim square to check up on the RAMs. 2 particular shops sells the RAM that i want at the lowest price. Both shops were side by side, on the fifth floor. Am i lucky or what?

I also managed to watch Kung Fu Hustle outside one of the shops, which was playing that DVD. Lolx, basically i watch the whole show,Standing though.

I felt charitable, and i donated money to a lot of ppl when i was in Bugis. Some street beggars and organized fund raisers.
My pocket? Emptied. Only have enuf for a can drink i bought from a vending machine.
Though a lot was spent, i felt everything was worth it. At least i felt a sense of comfort in my heart after that. A sense of peace within myself.

At night, i felt a sudden loneliness and sadness. I dunno why, but i knew i had to talk to someone.
I decided to talk to Liqi, but only to find out that some probs occured between she and her beloved. Whatever it is, i just felt useless after talking to her. Firstly i saddened her, then i wasn't able provide any help.
As she referred to me that I "wun understand". Felt really stupid hearing that. It is not as if i have never went thru it b4..
But in any case, i wun bother her anymore. And i mean i wun "BOTHER" her anymore. And her boyfriend too. It's best they throw those bands i gave them away. Cursed items that is.

My day concluded in pain yesterday. It wasn't any better this morning.
How will my day be today? I'll know soon enough.

"R u free on tuesday?"
"Yea, i m free. Y?"
"nth, juz wanna see if i can go home wif u tat day.."
"sure u can..."
"okie, see u after sch den."-Memories...